I'm still not done reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth, but the book's discussion of infant temperament made me wonder how much Mari's temperament affects her sleep.
The widely accepted measures of infant temperament are as follows (more details at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temperament#Nine_Temperament_Characteristics_of_Thomas_and_Chess):
Activity (General motion and energy): Mari is pretty squirmy, always has been. Even when she's on her back she's always kicking and flailing in a jerky way. Though she's not yet creeping or crawling, I would put her activity level at fairly high.
Rhythmicity (Regularity of bodily functions): Mari is definitely not regular or predictable. Today was a fairly good day -- she napped regularly and was pretty happy and energetic. But I swear, I didn't do anything differently than I did yesterday, when she hardly napped at all. I can never predict when she'll nap or for how long, when she'll poo, how much she'll eat, etc.
Approach/Withdrawal (first reaction): Hmm, I'm not sure on this one. Mari has some pretty fierce stranger aversion, so she's definitely withdrawing when it comes to people. But she's not necessarily fearful of new places, experiences or tastes, as long as we're with her.
Intensity: Mari is very intense. When she's happy she's ecstatic. When she's unhappy she screams like a dying jet engine. She can careen between the two in less than a second.
Mood: Not sure I get this one. Mari's moods vary a lot, but don't most babies' moods vary? When she's well-rested she's generally cheerful. When she's not she's fussy. So I suppose she's somewhere in the middle of the scale.
Persistence: Mari is very persistent, for better and for worse. When she was learning to roll over or to sit up it was all she wanted to do for days. She can also be extremely persistent in crying and resisting sleep even when she's tired.
Distractibility: Mari is quite distractible, though she's not on the extreme end of the scale. She's very easily distracted by unusual or new sights, noises, and toys. Picking her up can distract her from fussing quickly, but it doesn't last. Same goes for novel soothing techniques -- they seem to work quickly at first, but she goes back to fussing quickly.
Threshold (sensitivity): Mari is very sensitive, especially to noises. She's easily startled by even not-so-loud noises such as a wooden block falling into a small box. Truly loud noises such as the sound of the vacuum make her howl. When she's sleeping she's very easily awakened even by tiny sounds such as the rustle of paper or the crinkle of plastic.
According to the book, intense babies also tend to be slowly adaptable, negative in mood and withdrawn. These traits make for a "difficult" temperament. Well, I'd say Mari is very intense but in the middle on the other supposedly related measures. So I suppose she has an "intermediate" temperament by the book's classification system. But Weissbluth also notes babies who are highly active and highly sensitive are also at risk of sleep problems, especially when routines are disrupted. This is obviously true for Mari. So despite her natural lack of regularity she really needs me to try my best to impose a routine and a schedule. Too bad it's so hard.
There are other ways of measuring temperament. According to The Baby Whisperer, Mari is "spirited" -- a baby who knows what she wants and doesn't want and doesn't hesitate to let people know, and loudly. (An abbreviated version of the quiz in the book is available here: http://quiz.ivillage.com/parenting/tests/knowyourbaby.htm)
Mari is also a "high needs" baby according to Dr. William Sears, the guru of attachment parenting. She fits all 12 of the characteristics listed here <http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050400.asp> to a tee.
All this adds up to Mari not being hard-wired to sleep well. Dr. Sears has a good article about it here: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050900.asp. So I suppose sleep will always be somewhat of a struggle. Still, the changes I've made so far have made a world of difference, though I clearly still need to do more work on trying to get her to fall asleep on her own, especially for naps, since I'm still having difficulty putting her down before the very-nearly-asleep stage.
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I've got a couple of recommendations for you for when Mari gets older:
ReplyDeleteRaising Your Spirited Child, by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka (also the author of Sleepless in America, which I'm told is good but I haven't read it)
1-2-3 Magic, by Thomas W. Phelan (his style takes some getting used to, but it's a system of discipline for over-two-year-olds that works really well in combo with Kurcinka's book)
Thanks! I'll definitely look for those when Mari hits toddlerhood.
ReplyDeleteIs Caleb "spirited?" Have you used those books?
He's definitely 'spirited,' according to Kurcinka's definitions. There are 9 different traits she includes: intensity (he scores high there, very intense moods and mood swings), persistence (he 'locks in' to an idea or activity and doesn't let go easily), sensitivity (not super-sensitive to his environment, but very sensitive to other people's emotions and will act them out -- if I'm stressed he really goes nuts), perceptiveness (very!), adaptability (slow to adapt, needs lots of lead time), regularity (he's got a regular schedule now but babyhood was a struggle), energy (!!!), first reaction (like adaptability, he'll tend to reject a new idea at first so I have to do a lot of explaining and forecasting), mood (his is happy generally, he's not a serious or critical kid at the moment). So he fits the profile in a lot of ways, although his tantrums are generally short-lived rather than long-lasting, and it's pretty easy to calm him (he's learning how to do it himself now too, which is so great).
ReplyDeleteI've used both the books -- 1-2-3 Magic is what my husband and his colleagues recommend in clinic, and I've tweaked it a little for Caleb's temperament: for example, I rarely do time-outs unless he and I both need a moment to cool down (I'm spirited too :)). We tend to use 'natural consequences' most, which I just love -- drop cereal all over the floor and you have to pick it up before doing anything else. Take your gloves off outside, your hands will be cold. The author says that works best for older kids, but I find it can be used on a toddler as well. Also, we use praise a lot. The Kurcinka book also has some good suggestions for avoiding the behavior in the first place, by managing the child's temperament.
Hmm, sounds interesting! I'll definitely look for those books.
ReplyDeleteCaleb sounds a lot like what I bet Mari will be when she's older.
I bet she will be like that; I'm sure if I had known about the spirited temperament when he was a baby he would have fit into that category as well. One of the things I like about Raising Your Spirited Child is that it helps parents think in terms of the positives of the spirited temperament -- instead of 'stubborn,' 'persistent,' for example, and instead of thinking of the emotional volatility as a bad thing, the author encourages parents to see what their child can do with it (cares for others -- there's nothing like being loved by a spirited kid!). Caleb is sensitive to other people, which makes it difficult to manage my own temperament in the face of his but means I always get a hug when I start to get tense.
ReplyDeleteYou'll be so good at helping her manage her temperament that by the time she gets to toddlerhood, she'll have a much easier time!