I've never really scheduled feedings. When Mari was younger, I fed on demand. More recently, I've been noticing she hasn't been as demanding -- she can go for longer between feeds, even if she is in fact hungry enough to eat well before she starts to fuss to be fed. So more recently I've been trying to offer her the breast every three hours or so during the day. However, I haven't been very consistent about it. Of course, when she fusses to be fed, I feed her right away. But sometimes I've been feeding her more often or less often as convenient.
I've decided this needs to stop. Mari needs a better-wound internal clock, not just for naps, but also for sleep. Also, if I feed her more often during the day, hopefully she won't need to feed as much at night. For the moment, I still won't push the night weaning issue. However, I will as of tomorrow try to feed her at more consistent times, every 2.5 hours during the day, so ideally she gets six feedings in during the day. Also, I should be more consistent about nursing her before she gets solids, so she's getting the important calories in first.
One variation in the every 2.5 hours rule is that I will try to nurse her before her afternoon nap. At all times, I will not force her to nurse if she doesn't want to. If she's about to go down for a nap and doesn't want to nurse, I'll let her go to sleep without worrying. She's unlikely to wake up because she's hungry, as she has proven she can go four hours or more between feeds during the day. If she refuses to nurse when she's up, I'll try her again in half an hour and try to make up for the stretched-out feedings by offering her the breast every two hours, rather than 2.5, after her afternoon nap.
So her ideal schedule should now look like this:
7 AM - Up and nurse
7:30 - Breakfast (solids)
9:30 - Nurse, followed by naptime routine
10:00 - Nap
11:30 - Active play
12:00 PM - Nurse, followed by lunch (solids)
2:00 PM - Nurse, followed by naptime routine
2:30 - Nap
4:00 - Active play
4:30 - Nurse
6:00 - Dinner (solids)
6:30 - Bath and bedtime routine, including nursing close to end of bedtime routine
7:30(ish) - Sleep
I will continue to allow half an hour of flexibility on either side for naps, depending how how tired she seems to be.
Showing posts with label baby scheduling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby scheduling. Show all posts
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
Day 65: Trying to find the sweet spot between not tired and too tired
Sometimes my insights seem blinding in their obviousness... after I have them. But it has come to me that perhaps Mari has been having trouble falling and staying asleep because she's not really tired when I try to get her down for a nap.
I once again experimented with letting Mari set her own schedule today, to see what's changed. And clearly, some things have. Mari can happily stay awake longer than ever, and I've finally decided she's given up on her third nap for good -- it's been a couple of weeks since she's taken one and she hasn't even seemed close lately.
I didn't set out to let Mari set her own schedule when I woke up this morning, but when I was trying to get her down for her first nap at about 9:15 it became clear she was nowhere near the point of sleep. So I decided I'd let her stay up for another hour or until she started showing signs of fatigue, whichever came first. Well, the hour mark came first and she wasn't sleeping until 10:30. However, she napped without waking for nearly an hour and a half.
The afternoon worked less well. I decided to do it purely on sleepy signs. But Mari has never been very consistent or clear about showing signs of fatigue until she's already overtired, and that's what happened. The screechiness of overtiredness came on suddenly, without so much as a warning yawn. She didn't go down for her afternoon nap until close to 4 PM and she was up again 35 minutes later. I suspect short naps are likely to happen when she's either overtired or undertired, and I think we've been having plenty of both lately.
So the conclusion I'm coming to is that Mari's schedule needs to change to reflect her only having two naps a day and greater comfort with being up three to four hours at a stretch. But she clearly does need to have a schedule, because she's not old enough to know what's best for her.
Another thing I've been thinking about is moving Mari's bedtime slightly later, in hopes of getting her to sleep a little later in the morning -- she's been waking up before 7:00 most of the time, and 7:00 is just barely tolerate for me. Last night she went to bed early (7 PM) because she hadn't napped well, then she was up and wanted to play at 5:30 AM this morning, though I eventually managed to get her back down for awhile before she woke up for good at 6:50.
Perhaps a new (ideal) schedule might look like this (not including feedings), with half an hour of flexibility on either side for naps:
7:00 - Up and play
9:30 - Naptime routine
10:00-11:30 - Nap
2:30 - Naptime routine
3:00-4:30 - Nap
7:00 - Bedtime routine including bath
8:00 - Asleep
If she really follows this, she should be getting about 14 hours total sleep a day, about ideal for a baby her age, and she would never be up more than three and a half hours at a stretch. Anyway, I'll give this a try for the next few days and re-evaluate.
I once again experimented with letting Mari set her own schedule today, to see what's changed. And clearly, some things have. Mari can happily stay awake longer than ever, and I've finally decided she's given up on her third nap for good -- it's been a couple of weeks since she's taken one and she hasn't even seemed close lately.
I didn't set out to let Mari set her own schedule when I woke up this morning, but when I was trying to get her down for her first nap at about 9:15 it became clear she was nowhere near the point of sleep. So I decided I'd let her stay up for another hour or until she started showing signs of fatigue, whichever came first. Well, the hour mark came first and she wasn't sleeping until 10:30. However, she napped without waking for nearly an hour and a half.
The afternoon worked less well. I decided to do it purely on sleepy signs. But Mari has never been very consistent or clear about showing signs of fatigue until she's already overtired, and that's what happened. The screechiness of overtiredness came on suddenly, without so much as a warning yawn. She didn't go down for her afternoon nap until close to 4 PM and she was up again 35 minutes later. I suspect short naps are likely to happen when she's either overtired or undertired, and I think we've been having plenty of both lately.
So the conclusion I'm coming to is that Mari's schedule needs to change to reflect her only having two naps a day and greater comfort with being up three to four hours at a stretch. But she clearly does need to have a schedule, because she's not old enough to know what's best for her.
Another thing I've been thinking about is moving Mari's bedtime slightly later, in hopes of getting her to sleep a little later in the morning -- she's been waking up before 7:00 most of the time, and 7:00 is just barely tolerate for me. Last night she went to bed early (7 PM) because she hadn't napped well, then she was up and wanted to play at 5:30 AM this morning, though I eventually managed to get her back down for awhile before she woke up for good at 6:50.
Perhaps a new (ideal) schedule might look like this (not including feedings), with half an hour of flexibility on either side for naps:
7:00 - Up and play
9:30 - Naptime routine
10:00-11:30 - Nap
2:30 - Naptime routine
3:00-4:30 - Nap
7:00 - Bedtime routine including bath
8:00 - Asleep
If she really follows this, she should be getting about 14 hours total sleep a day, about ideal for a baby her age, and she would never be up more than three and a half hours at a stretch. Anyway, I'll give this a try for the next few days and re-evaluate.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Day 53: Daylight Savings Whine
Daylight savings time started today, which meant Mari woke up an hour later than usual, which would be great for her to keep up. But she napped so late both in the morning and afternoon, by the time she was tired again, it was too late to let her have a third nap, so I ended up putting her to bed a little earlier than I would have normally, which means it would have been VERY early before the time change. So I may have screwed myself out of a chance to have a baby who sleeps until 8 AM. We'll see what happens.
Mari has actually been napping only twice more and more, though she had three naps yesterday, when she was more or less back on what I used to think of as her normal schedule. I'd really like to have her on a predictable schedule, but I think I'll be loose with it for a few more days to see what happens with the time change.
Mari has actually been napping only twice more and more, though she had three naps yesterday, when she was more or less back on what I used to think of as her normal schedule. I'd really like to have her on a predictable schedule, but I think I'll be loose with it for a few more days to see what happens with the time change.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Day 38: Imposing a schedule, of sorts
I've been trying to respond promptly to Mari's cues and keeping track of when she sleeps for quite awhile now in hopes a pattern would emerge. Unfortunately, the only conclusion I've come to is that Mari is highly unpredictable and has little or no internal rhythm of her own.
She wakes up wide awake and ready to play anytime between 2:30 AM and 8 AM, though of course with the earlier times I try really hard to get her back to sleep, though it often takes up to an hour and a half. Her nap number ranges from two to five, though three is most normal. She has gone to bed as early as 5:30 PM and not until nearly 9 PM. Her morning nap has started as early as 7:40 and as late as 10:10. Her nap lengths vary from 20 minutes to three hours.
Having learned a little more about temperament, I can conclude that Mari is a highly irregular baby and will not put herself on a schedule no matter how long I wait and keep track of what she does. So I've decided I have to impose one.
No, Jon, I'm not going to be inflexible about this. Because I'm going to try to balance establishing a schedule with making sure Mari gets enough rest and isn't overtired, it may take a long time for her to get the idea. Nonetheless, I'm going to try. Someone has to set her circadian clock.
The key is going to be establishing quiet times and active times. Ideally she will sleep during the quiet times and play during the active times, but if not, she will play quietly during the quiet times and nap in a brighter, noisier environment during the active times.
The ideal schedule will be as follows:
7:30 AM - Up, active play
8:15 - Naptime routine (feed, potty, story, lullaby and rocking, down)
9:00 - Nap/quiet time
11:00 - Active play
12:15 PM - Naptime routine
1:00 - Nap/quiet time
2:30 - Active play
3:45 - Naptime routine
4:30 - Nap/quiet time
5:30 - Active play/suppertime
6:30 - Bedtime routine (feed, potty, bath, massage, 2 stories, lullaby and rocking, down)
7:30 - Sleep
Of course, Mari won't follow the ideal schedule exactly. So I have the following contingency guidelines:
- If Mari wakes up from a nap while it's still naptime, I will try my hardest to get her back down. If after 20 minutes of rocking and soothing, she won't go back down and it's still naptime, I will let her play quietly in her crib for up to 20 minutes or until she shows tired signs. Then I will try again, until she goes down or until it's active time.
- If Mari wakes up while it's still naptime and I'm able to get her back down, but she wakes up again I'll try a second time to get her back down -- and this time I'll rock her all the way to sleep. At all other times I will endeavour to rock her only until she's drowsy and put her down still awake. If she wakes up a third time while it's still naptime I'll let her play quietly in her crib until it's active time.
- If Mari shows signs of fatigue during active time, I will immediately stop what I'm doing and put her to bed. I won't do the whole naptime routine -- no feed, no potty, no story. Just lullaby and rocking.
- For naps during active time, I will not try super-hard to be quiet. I will walk around, flush the toilet, etc, though I won't actively try to disrupt her sleep. I will close only the blind over her crib, not the one over the roof, unless it's very sunny, in which case I'll close the bamboo part of the blind only, not the blackout fabric. For naps during quiet time, I will close both blinds and I will try to be as quiet as possible.
- If Mari wakes up from a short nap during active time I won't try to put her back to sleep unless she's very fussy and obviously tired and continues to be for more than a few minutes.
- For most naps, even if they go into the next scheduled time, I will not wake her up or disturb her. However, if the last nap of the day goes beyond 6:30 PM, I will go into the room, walk around, open the blinds, turn off the white noise machine. If that doesn't wake her up I'll try again in another 10 minutes. By 6:45 at the latest, I will actively wake her up by picking her up.
- During active time, Mari will play downstairs, not in her crib. I will try to play actively with her as much as possible, though I don't promise to do so all the time.
- If Mari is happily playing in her crib during quiet time, I will either leave her alone in her room or sit in the chair and read, interacting with her only minimally, if at all -- looks and smiles, no talking.
- If Mari is playing in her crib during quiet time, I will provide only her lovey and perhaps one other toy at my discretion, and she will be facing the direction she faces to sleep, unless there's less than 15 minutes remaining in her quiet time, in which case she can play with whatever she wants, facing whichever direction, as long as she stays in her crib.
- If Mari starts to fuss when I've left her alone to play in her crib during quiet time, I'll take this as a sign she's tired and will try again to put her down for a nap.
- If Mari naps during active time, I will nonetheless try to put her down for her next nap on schedule, unless she has woken up less than half an hour before the naptime routine is supposed to begin. If the latter is the case, I'll let her play actively for 30 minutes before beginning the naptime routine. If she seems wide awake even then, I will use the time normally allotted for the naptime routine as a transitional time. I will feed her if she'll eat, read her stories, play with her very quietly until she starts to lose steam or until the actual nap is supposed to start. Then I will try more aggressively to get her to fall asleep.
- The bedtime routine starts at 6:30 PM even if she's just woken up, because she's tired at that time of day anyway and because the bath and massage will provide some activity before bed.
- While I will try to feed her at the beginning of every naptime/bedtime routine, it's not a big deal if she's hungry earlier or refuses to feed because she's not hungry -- I will feed her on demand. If I end up having to nurse her at the end of the naptime/bedtime routine I will pull her off before she falls asleep completely. I will try not to make a habit of nursing her immediately before bed.
- I will try to potty her toward the beginning of the naptime/bedtime routine. If she doesn't go, I won't take her again unless she clearly needs to poo (not pee). If she does, I will use the bowl in her room; I won't take her to the (brighter) bathroom.
- If she wakes up before 7:30 AM, I will try hard to get her back down. But if she's wide awake between 7:00 and 7:30 and seems unlikely to go back down, I will let her play quietly in her crib until 7:30. In this case I will potty her if need be.
- If she seems very tired at night, I will shorten the bedtime routine and concentrate on getting her down, even if it's earlier than 7:30 PM.
- I hope that eventually, if she's sleeping better during the day and waking up less at night, I can move the bedtime up to 8 PM and allow her to get up at 7 AM, since she probably only needs about 11 hours of night sleep.
Today: Last night we were back to the bad old days -- four night wakings. She was up from about 2:15 to 3:30 AM and wouldn't fall back asleep. I don't know what's up because yesterday was a fairly average day. Maybe it's the developmental leaps of Wonder Week 26 making her fussy for up to five weeks. Sigh. As for the new schedule, yesterday was the first day I tried to follow it, and we were fairly successful. However, today, Mari screwed it up by napping only for about 45 minutes in the morning and refusing to back down. She ended up having four short naps today, one of them during an active time. I really, really wish I could get her to nap longer.
She wakes up wide awake and ready to play anytime between 2:30 AM and 8 AM, though of course with the earlier times I try really hard to get her back to sleep, though it often takes up to an hour and a half. Her nap number ranges from two to five, though three is most normal. She has gone to bed as early as 5:30 PM and not until nearly 9 PM. Her morning nap has started as early as 7:40 and as late as 10:10. Her nap lengths vary from 20 minutes to three hours.
Having learned a little more about temperament, I can conclude that Mari is a highly irregular baby and will not put herself on a schedule no matter how long I wait and keep track of what she does. So I've decided I have to impose one.
No, Jon, I'm not going to be inflexible about this. Because I'm going to try to balance establishing a schedule with making sure Mari gets enough rest and isn't overtired, it may take a long time for her to get the idea. Nonetheless, I'm going to try. Someone has to set her circadian clock.
The key is going to be establishing quiet times and active times. Ideally she will sleep during the quiet times and play during the active times, but if not, she will play quietly during the quiet times and nap in a brighter, noisier environment during the active times.
The ideal schedule will be as follows:
7:30 AM - Up, active play
8:15 - Naptime routine (feed, potty, story, lullaby and rocking, down)
9:00 - Nap/quiet time
11:00 - Active play
12:15 PM - Naptime routine
1:00 - Nap/quiet time
2:30 - Active play
3:45 - Naptime routine
4:30 - Nap/quiet time
5:30 - Active play/suppertime
6:30 - Bedtime routine (feed, potty, bath, massage, 2 stories, lullaby and rocking, down)
7:30 - Sleep
Of course, Mari won't follow the ideal schedule exactly. So I have the following contingency guidelines:
- If Mari wakes up from a nap while it's still naptime, I will try my hardest to get her back down. If after 20 minutes of rocking and soothing, she won't go back down and it's still naptime, I will let her play quietly in her crib for up to 20 minutes or until she shows tired signs. Then I will try again, until she goes down or until it's active time.
- If Mari wakes up while it's still naptime and I'm able to get her back down, but she wakes up again I'll try a second time to get her back down -- and this time I'll rock her all the way to sleep. At all other times I will endeavour to rock her only until she's drowsy and put her down still awake. If she wakes up a third time while it's still naptime I'll let her play quietly in her crib until it's active time.
- If Mari shows signs of fatigue during active time, I will immediately stop what I'm doing and put her to bed. I won't do the whole naptime routine -- no feed, no potty, no story. Just lullaby and rocking.
- For naps during active time, I will not try super-hard to be quiet. I will walk around, flush the toilet, etc, though I won't actively try to disrupt her sleep. I will close only the blind over her crib, not the one over the roof, unless it's very sunny, in which case I'll close the bamboo part of the blind only, not the blackout fabric. For naps during quiet time, I will close both blinds and I will try to be as quiet as possible.
- If Mari wakes up from a short nap during active time I won't try to put her back to sleep unless she's very fussy and obviously tired and continues to be for more than a few minutes.
- For most naps, even if they go into the next scheduled time, I will not wake her up or disturb her. However, if the last nap of the day goes beyond 6:30 PM, I will go into the room, walk around, open the blinds, turn off the white noise machine. If that doesn't wake her up I'll try again in another 10 minutes. By 6:45 at the latest, I will actively wake her up by picking her up.
- During active time, Mari will play downstairs, not in her crib. I will try to play actively with her as much as possible, though I don't promise to do so all the time.
- If Mari is happily playing in her crib during quiet time, I will either leave her alone in her room or sit in the chair and read, interacting with her only minimally, if at all -- looks and smiles, no talking.
- If Mari is playing in her crib during quiet time, I will provide only her lovey and perhaps one other toy at my discretion, and she will be facing the direction she faces to sleep, unless there's less than 15 minutes remaining in her quiet time, in which case she can play with whatever she wants, facing whichever direction, as long as she stays in her crib.
- If Mari starts to fuss when I've left her alone to play in her crib during quiet time, I'll take this as a sign she's tired and will try again to put her down for a nap.
- If Mari naps during active time, I will nonetheless try to put her down for her next nap on schedule, unless she has woken up less than half an hour before the naptime routine is supposed to begin. If the latter is the case, I'll let her play actively for 30 minutes before beginning the naptime routine. If she seems wide awake even then, I will use the time normally allotted for the naptime routine as a transitional time. I will feed her if she'll eat, read her stories, play with her very quietly until she starts to lose steam or until the actual nap is supposed to start. Then I will try more aggressively to get her to fall asleep.
- The bedtime routine starts at 6:30 PM even if she's just woken up, because she's tired at that time of day anyway and because the bath and massage will provide some activity before bed.
- While I will try to feed her at the beginning of every naptime/bedtime routine, it's not a big deal if she's hungry earlier or refuses to feed because she's not hungry -- I will feed her on demand. If I end up having to nurse her at the end of the naptime/bedtime routine I will pull her off before she falls asleep completely. I will try not to make a habit of nursing her immediately before bed.
- I will try to potty her toward the beginning of the naptime/bedtime routine. If she doesn't go, I won't take her again unless she clearly needs to poo (not pee). If she does, I will use the bowl in her room; I won't take her to the (brighter) bathroom.
- If she wakes up before 7:30 AM, I will try hard to get her back down. But if she's wide awake between 7:00 and 7:30 and seems unlikely to go back down, I will let her play quietly in her crib until 7:30. In this case I will potty her if need be.
- If she seems very tired at night, I will shorten the bedtime routine and concentrate on getting her down, even if it's earlier than 7:30 PM.
- I hope that eventually, if she's sleeping better during the day and waking up less at night, I can move the bedtime up to 8 PM and allow her to get up at 7 AM, since she probably only needs about 11 hours of night sleep.
Today: Last night we were back to the bad old days -- four night wakings. She was up from about 2:15 to 3:30 AM and wouldn't fall back asleep. I don't know what's up because yesterday was a fairly average day. Maybe it's the developmental leaps of Wonder Week 26 making her fussy for up to five weeks. Sigh. As for the new schedule, yesterday was the first day I tried to follow it, and we were fairly successful. However, today, Mari screwed it up by napping only for about 45 minutes in the morning and refusing to back down. She ended up having four short naps today, one of them during an active time. I really, really wish I could get her to nap longer.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Day 18: Setbacks
Mari had a great night of sleep Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, her best since we started the No-Cry Sleep Solution. She did indeed end up sleeping on her belly, at first because she rolled onto it and after that because I actually put her down on her belly, as an experiment. I woke her up around midnight to give her a dream feed just before I went to bed, and she woke up around 4 a.m. to feed as well. That was it. She spent the whole night in her crib, for the first time. I thought I was dreaming when I woke up alone in bed.
Then, the next day, her routine got totally disrupted by our trip out of town to see Jon's dad. She had four naps on Wednesday, but despite my best efforts, they were all really short. Further, because we arrived quite late, she didn't get to bed until 9:15. She was clearly overtired and fussy when she went to bed and although I tried again to get her to sleep on her belly, she still woke up constantly. The next day, after Jon did some work for his father's small business, we returned home. She napped a little better that day, but again, we got home late, and again, she didn't get to bed until after 9 PM, and again, she had a rough night.
Today, we're back home and I was quite strict about getting Mari down for her naps on schedule, but she still didn't sleep well. All three of her naps were short and would have been shorter if I hadn't ended up holding her for most of them because she wouldn't stay asleep otherwise. At night, even though we were slightly ahead of her official schedule, she was overtired because she hadn't napped well, and I really couldn't get her to bed any sooner than I did because I was starving and had to have a proper dinner. I had the lights out by 7:30, but it took her until 8:15 to fall asleep, and she's woken up plenty since then. I feel like much of the work I've done over the past 18 days has come to naught. Damn.
Then, the next day, her routine got totally disrupted by our trip out of town to see Jon's dad. She had four naps on Wednesday, but despite my best efforts, they were all really short. Further, because we arrived quite late, she didn't get to bed until 9:15. She was clearly overtired and fussy when she went to bed and although I tried again to get her to sleep on her belly, she still woke up constantly. The next day, after Jon did some work for his father's small business, we returned home. She napped a little better that day, but again, we got home late, and again, she didn't get to bed until after 9 PM, and again, she had a rough night.
Today, we're back home and I was quite strict about getting Mari down for her naps on schedule, but she still didn't sleep well. All three of her naps were short and would have been shorter if I hadn't ended up holding her for most of them because she wouldn't stay asleep otherwise. At night, even though we were slightly ahead of her official schedule, she was overtired because she hadn't napped well, and I really couldn't get her to bed any sooner than I did because I was starving and had to have a proper dinner. I had the lights out by 7:30, but it took her until 8:15 to fall asleep, and she's woken up plenty since then. I feel like much of the work I've done over the past 18 days has come to naught. Damn.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Day 8: A baby schedule and a life - is it possible?
The last couple of days I've stuck to the schedule fairly well, but wow, sticking to it is really limiting my activities. I've kept outings very short and still didn't manage to do everything I wanted to do, even though they were simple things like stopping at the grocery store for some granola bars. At home too, I've abandoned a lot of activities halfway because it was time to put Mari down for her nap. Not that I was really adamant about folding all the laundry at once, but I hate going downstairs to an abandoned sink full of dishes sitting in cold soapy water.
I'm not a naturally scheduled person, so trying to stick to a schedule is a pain in the ass. Mari isn't predictable either, and I've had to make a lot of minor modifications as she's napped less or more than expected, got cranky sooner or seemed wide awake later. Sometimes I wonder if it's all worth it. I'm hoping that if sticking to a schedule teaches her to sleep better, we can start to be more flexible. Or maybe I'll be able to work out ways to stick to the schedule even when we're on the go, like timing naps for when she can be in her car seat or carrier. Trouble is, Mari's picky about where she naps and is a very light sleeper, so things like walking into a store or even stopping for a red light will often wake her up.
Doing this whole sleep plan is also time-consuming. I feel like I spend half my day putting Mari down to sleep. And that's not far from the truth -- about a total of two and a half hours for three naps and one bedtime, plus assorted other time for her many variable night and naptime wakings. On a day like today, that's about four hours in a day spent trying to wind Mari down and putting her to sleep or back to sleep. In addition, there's the amount of time I've been spending sitting by her in hopes my presence and/or comforting hand will keep her from waking up in the first place. I hope not to keep doing this for the rest of Mari's babyhood, but I probably spent about four hours doing that today. And then there was the half an hour I spent holding her during one of her naps, because she woke up after only 20 minutes and wouldn't go back to sleep and the NCSS says to do whatever it takes to make sure she sleeps enough during the day. If you add it all up, that's more than a full workday occupied with Mari's sleep. Sigh.
Yesterday and today: Yesterday was a relatively good day for sleep by Mari's standards, with her waking up roughly every two hours most of the night. Today has been awful. Except for one hour-long stretch, she has woken up every 5-15 minutes all evening, even after I started resorting to rocking her all the way to sleep. I really don't understand why she so often wakes up after seeming briefly to be genuinely asleep. The days didn't go all that differently and Mari got comparable amounts of naptime. So what's going on tonight?
I'm not a naturally scheduled person, so trying to stick to a schedule is a pain in the ass. Mari isn't predictable either, and I've had to make a lot of minor modifications as she's napped less or more than expected, got cranky sooner or seemed wide awake later. Sometimes I wonder if it's all worth it. I'm hoping that if sticking to a schedule teaches her to sleep better, we can start to be more flexible. Or maybe I'll be able to work out ways to stick to the schedule even when we're on the go, like timing naps for when she can be in her car seat or carrier. Trouble is, Mari's picky about where she naps and is a very light sleeper, so things like walking into a store or even stopping for a red light will often wake her up.
Doing this whole sleep plan is also time-consuming. I feel like I spend half my day putting Mari down to sleep. And that's not far from the truth -- about a total of two and a half hours for three naps and one bedtime, plus assorted other time for her many variable night and naptime wakings. On a day like today, that's about four hours in a day spent trying to wind Mari down and putting her to sleep or back to sleep. In addition, there's the amount of time I've been spending sitting by her in hopes my presence and/or comforting hand will keep her from waking up in the first place. I hope not to keep doing this for the rest of Mari's babyhood, but I probably spent about four hours doing that today. And then there was the half an hour I spent holding her during one of her naps, because she woke up after only 20 minutes and wouldn't go back to sleep and the NCSS says to do whatever it takes to make sure she sleeps enough during the day. If you add it all up, that's more than a full workday occupied with Mari's sleep. Sigh.
Yesterday and today: Yesterday was a relatively good day for sleep by Mari's standards, with her waking up roughly every two hours most of the night. Today has been awful. Except for one hour-long stretch, she has woken up every 5-15 minutes all evening, even after I started resorting to rocking her all the way to sleep. I really don't understand why she so often wakes up after seeming briefly to be genuinely asleep. The days didn't go all that differently and Mari got comparable amounts of naptime. So what's going on tonight?
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Day 5: Ch-ch-ch changes
It's clear some aspects of my sleep plan aren't working out.
For one, I can't breastfeed every two hours. I used to be able to, when Mari was younger, but now she's eating more at once and isn't hungry as often, and when she's not hungry, she rejects the boob. All that's good in general, but not when I'm trying to get her to eat more during the day so she doesn't need as much at night. It's still not clear to me just how much Mari really needs to eat at night. She does seem legitimately hungry sometimes, but other times, even now that I've been stretching out how often I'll put her to the boob, she barely nips.
Also, I don't think Mari can really take three 90-minute naps. It's a battle getting her to stay napping for more than 20 minutes sometimes. I can persevere to a point, but sometimes she's obviously up and energetic and no amount of rocking will put her back to sleep. So I will now be trying to get her to nap for 90 minutes in the morning and late afternoon, but will allow her early afternoon one to be shorter -- that one's been the shortest for a long time. I'll still try to get her to nap at least 3.5 hours in total, 4 if I can manage it.
Finally, I think we need to be stricter about her naptimes, to try to get her onto a more consistent schedule, much as she resists being scheduled. It takes her quite awhile to settle down into sleep, so I need to start a naptime routine half an hour before I want her actually sleeping. That's only an hour and a half of active awake time between naps. So her ideal day should now look like:
7:30ish - up and play
9:00 - Naptime routine: breastfeed boob 1, story, song, breastfeed boob 2 (she likes a break between boobs), rock and shh
9:30 - Nap
11:00 - Play
12:30 - Naptime routine
1:00 - Nap
2:00 - Play
3:30 - Naptime routine
4:00 - Nap
5:30 - Play
6:30 - Bedtime routine: Bath, massage, breastfeed boob 1, two stories, lights out and sound machine on, lullaby, breastfeed boob 2, rock and shh
7:30 - Sleep
Today: It was a rough start to the evening. Mari went down okay by 7:45, but by 8 PM, she was up again. I tried repeatedly to soothe her just enough to get her drowsy and put her down still awake. Several times, she seemed to go to sleep, only to start fussing again minutes later. Finally she started all-out crying. She seemingly didn't want to be rocked, jiggled, nursed or put down -- nothing worked for the longest time. Finally I gave up (for now) on trying to put her in her crib still barely awake, and finally she allowed me to rock her to sleep. It took an hour, and she was up again within less than another hour. Argh!
For one, I can't breastfeed every two hours. I used to be able to, when Mari was younger, but now she's eating more at once and isn't hungry as often, and when she's not hungry, she rejects the boob. All that's good in general, but not when I'm trying to get her to eat more during the day so she doesn't need as much at night. It's still not clear to me just how much Mari really needs to eat at night. She does seem legitimately hungry sometimes, but other times, even now that I've been stretching out how often I'll put her to the boob, she barely nips.
Also, I don't think Mari can really take three 90-minute naps. It's a battle getting her to stay napping for more than 20 minutes sometimes. I can persevere to a point, but sometimes she's obviously up and energetic and no amount of rocking will put her back to sleep. So I will now be trying to get her to nap for 90 minutes in the morning and late afternoon, but will allow her early afternoon one to be shorter -- that one's been the shortest for a long time. I'll still try to get her to nap at least 3.5 hours in total, 4 if I can manage it.
Finally, I think we need to be stricter about her naptimes, to try to get her onto a more consistent schedule, much as she resists being scheduled. It takes her quite awhile to settle down into sleep, so I need to start a naptime routine half an hour before I want her actually sleeping. That's only an hour and a half of active awake time between naps. So her ideal day should now look like:
7:30ish - up and play
9:00 - Naptime routine: breastfeed boob 1, story, song, breastfeed boob 2 (she likes a break between boobs), rock and shh
9:30 - Nap
11:00 - Play
12:30 - Naptime routine
1:00 - Nap
2:00 - Play
3:30 - Naptime routine
4:00 - Nap
5:30 - Play
6:30 - Bedtime routine: Bath, massage, breastfeed boob 1, two stories, lights out and sound machine on, lullaby, breastfeed boob 2, rock and shh
7:30 - Sleep
Today: It was a rough start to the evening. Mari went down okay by 7:45, but by 8 PM, she was up again. I tried repeatedly to soothe her just enough to get her drowsy and put her down still awake. Several times, she seemed to go to sleep, only to start fussing again minutes later. Finally she started all-out crying. She seemingly didn't want to be rocked, jiggled, nursed or put down -- nothing worked for the longest time. Finally I gave up (for now) on trying to put her in her crib still barely awake, and finally she allowed me to rock her to sleep. It took an hour, and she was up again within less than another hour. Argh!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Mari's sleep plan
Finally – I'm done the sleep plan for at least the next 10 days. If necessary, I will re-evaluate after that point. This will likely be the longest blog entry ever, but here's the plan. (Jon, you may want to bookmark this page.)
I will breastfeed every two hours during the day except when I can't because she's napping. I will try to get her to take both breasts. If she won't immediately take the second, I'll try again in half an hour before giving up. After she's gone to bed, I will breastfeed her no more than once every three hours, and only when she's up and won't readily go back to sleep.
I will follow a bedtime routine, starting at 6:30 PM, as follows:Bath, Massage, Put on pajamas and sleep sack, 2-3 stories, Lights out, Lullaby, Breastfeed but not completely to sleep, Rocking and shushing but not completely to sleep, Put down in crib, Sleep by 7:30.
I will strive to follow what Pantley calls a “flexible yet predictable” daytime schedule, the ideal of which is as follows. Naptimes don't have to be exact but should be in the ballpark. The bedtime routine should start at 6:30 PM sharp unless there's very good reason to vary it by no more than half an hour.7:30ish: Up (I will not set an alarm, but this is the one area in which Mari is relatively predictable – she tends to get up between 7 and 8. Sometimes she wakes up earlier, but if it's earlier than 6:45, I will do my best to get her back to sleep.)Play independently while Mum & Dad shower and eat breakfastPlay actively with MumPlay quietly with Mum9:30 – 11:00 NapPlay independently OR outingPlay actively with Mum OR outingPlay quietly with Mum1:00 – 2:30 NapPlay independently OR outingPlay actively with Mum OR outingPlay quietly with Mum4:00 – 5:30 NapPlay independently while Mum and Dad have supperPlay quietly with Dad6:30 Bedtime routine7:30ish: Sleep
I will try my best to get Mari to nap for 90 minutes at a time. If she wakes up after less than an hour, I will do anything in my power, including rocking her in the sling or nursing her to sleep, to get her back down right away. This is the only time these techniques will be used. I will not take her to the potty until she has napped more than an hour. I will deviate from the scheduled naptimes if Mari seems tired – then I will try to get her down right away.
Mari's naptime routine will consist of:One story, One lullaby, Breastfeeding but not totally to sleep, Rocking and shushing if necessary, Put down and sleep.Of course, this will be easier said than done.
I will spend some time every day playing quietly with Mari in her crib so she's comfortable in it and likes it.
I will try to get Mari to take at least one nap a day in a place other than snuggled up next to me in our bed. This can be in her swing, in her car seat, or ideally in her crib. However, if she doesn't fall asleep within 15 minutes of trying, I'll let her snuggle up next to me in bed, since at this point that she naps is more important than how she naps. (As she gets better at napping, I'll try to increase the naps in her crib and decrease naps in our bed and in her swing. But that's is for a future 10-day plan.)
I will try to encourage her attachment to her bunny and give it to her for every nap and sleep, so she associates it with sleep. I will frequently put the bunny in my shirt so it smells like me.
I will help her differentiate between naps and nighttime sleep by keeping the curtains (but not blinds) open during naps, and making it as dark as possible for nighttime sleep.
The following sounds will be sleep cues: shushing, “it's time to go to sleep,” and white noise via the fan/heater in her room or the white noise machine in ours.
I will avoid nursing or rocking her completely to sleep. If she seems in danger of falling asleep on the breast, I will pop her off and try to hold her mouth closed as the book instructs. If she continues to try to latch on, I'll let her for a brief time, then pop her off again, until she no longer tries to latch on.
In this 10-day plan, I will put her to sleep in her crib at least until it's time for me to go to bed. I will then bring her to our room and put her in the co-sleeper to sleep until morning. I will try to avoid having her sleep directly in our bed. (As time goes on and she sleeps better, I will keep her in the crib for longer, until she's sleeping in the crib all night long.)
I will try to differentiate between still-asleep noises and I'm-waking-up noises. If the former, I will monitor her but take no action until it seems she might be really waking up.
In this 10-day plan, I will stay with her while she sleeps as much as possible. When she starts to stir, I will put a hand on her and quietly shush her to try to keep her asleep. (Once she learns to keep herself asleep a little better, I will still stay near her but wait until she makes a sound to put a hand on her and shush her. Once she's not waking up as much, I will leave the room but respond quickly once she makes an I'm-really-waking-up sound and try to keep her asleep or immediately get her back to sleep.)
If putting a hand on her and shushing her doesn't work and she seems to really be up, I will pick her up and rock her briefly on the spot, put her back down and put my hand on her and shush her. If that doesn't work, I will pick her up again up to five times. If after five brief pick-ups, she's not falling asleep, I will take her to the rocking chair and rock her fully to sleep and try again to get her to fall asleep on her own next time. If it has been more than 3 hours since her last feed and she's not readily going back to sleep, I will feed her instead of rocking her in the rocking chair, but avoid having her fall asleep nursing.
If by some chance she hasn't woken up around the time I want to go to sleep, I will give her a “dream feed,” avoiding waking her, and put her back down in her crib. In this instance it's OK to nurse her to sleep, since she isn't the one who woke up and in fact may be feeding in her sleep.
(For future 10-day plans: As she gets better at putting herself to sleep from a nearly-asleep point, I will move her into her crib when she's settled and sleepy but not net nearly-asleep. When she can fall asleep from that point, I will try to comfort her when she wakes without picking her up, though I will put a hand or hands on her. When she can handle that, I will try to comfort her without touching her, just through shushing and my presence. When she can handle that, I will try to comfort her from outside the doorway, where she can hear me but not see me. Though hopefully she'll be sleeping through the night by that point.)
Tomorrow: Day One of the new sleep plan.
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