Sorry it's been so long since I posted. Mari's been having a more or less good run of sleeping lately, though she's still waking up about twice a night to feed. I've been thinking again about weaning her off the second night feed, since she doesn't really seem to need it -- she's fine when she sleeps well and gets up only for one feed. Also, if she has a second night feed she won't feed again when she wakes up in the morning, not until nearly time for her first nap. I would rather she feed when she gets up too. Also, she still quite often wakes up from a nap after only one sleep cycle, despite being obviously tired. I don't know what more I can do about that than what we're already doing. However, her naptimes have stabilized a little. I'm doing everything I can to ensure she sleeps at least 13 hours total a day, but she really does best when she gets 14 hours. More about that in the book reviews below.
I'm a big researcher, arguably an over-researcher, so I have read all kinds of books on baby sleep. All have had good points as well as not-so-good. Here's the lowdown on what I think of all the books I've read, in order from the ones I've liked most to least.
1. The No-Cry Sleep Solution, by Elizabeth Pantley
The book that started me and Mari on this journey, and in my opinion, still the best. I like that it offers an organized way to create a sleep plan and to track progress. It also offers plenty of suggestions to create healthy sleep habits. You don't have to follow them all; just the ones that work for you. In fact, it offers a lot of flexibility, including no guilt about co-sleeping or crib sleeping. Most important, unlike most other baby sleep books, it doesn't involve making the baby cry it out, which despite my having dipped a toe or two into those waters, is in my opinion still an admirable and loving goal.
However, as I have mentioned before, I have come to believe it's not always possible or necessarily desirable to achieve no crying at all. At least for Mari, I have not been able to prevent her from crying entirely, and until I stopped taking the book quite so seriously, I felt a lot of guilt about that. I believe there are different types of crying that should be treated different ways. There are indeed times when she seems to need to fuss a bit before falling asleep, and if I keep trying to comfort her, it actually takes longer or even prevents her falling asleep. Having said that, if I get the timing just right, she fusses little or not at all. She cries when she's overtired, so it's best to prevent her from getting overtired.
2. Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems, by Richard Ferber. M.D.
I've never systematically Ferberized, but I found this book very informative. It has the best explanations about child sleep that I've ever read and the chapter about sleep associations, I found to be better than in the NCSS. I read the whole thing out of interest, even though Mari doesn't have problems with things like narcolepsy or sleep apnea, and now I feel I know what to look out for if she should ever develop more serious sleep problems.
I had formed a bad opinion of Ferberizing before I read this book. However, once I read the book, rather than just what other people had to say about it, I found the description of the method to be more logical and less harsh than the extinction method of crying it out. I think the method could work for parents who don't have the patience to implement the gentler but more time-consuming methods of the NCSS first, but after a couple of months on the NCSS, I found that Mari's sleep habits were already mostly good enough that it was unnecessary to let her cry for increasing intervals. Most of the time now she goes down pretty easily and if she doesn't, it's either because she's not tired enough yet to go to sleep or because she's overtired, in which case it seems too harsh to me to leave her to cry for very long.
I have, however, taken some things from Ferber. When necessary, I use the idea of increasing intervals between responses and keeping my time in the room short. If Mari cries after being put down, I will first respond and comfort her after about two minutes of full-on crying (I let her fuss longer if she doesn't sound very upset). At all times I limit my time in the room to two minutes unless of course I'm nursing her. If she still keeps crying, I next respond after five minutes. After that, 10 minutes and so on until half an hour has passed since I first put her down. If she's still upset at that point, I let her get up and play for a little while before I try again, because I figure she either wasn't tired or is overtired but has gotten a second wind. I have only had to let her get up for naps; never for bedtime sleep. I have not, however, increased time between responses from day to day.
There is one major area in which I tend to disagree with Ferber. Ferber constantly contends that sleep problems can be solved by at least temporarily making bedtimes later so the child is more tired when he or she is put to bed. Maybe, just maybe, this is something that could work for older children, but it certainly doesn't work for Mari and probably not most babies. The more overtired Mari gets the LESS she sleeps and the HARDER it is to get her down to sleep.
Also, Ferber says a six-month-old should be getting about 12.5 hours total sleep a day. I find this just barely in the adequate range. Mari averages about 13, and she's happier when she gets 14 hours of sleep or more in a day if I can manage to get her to sleep that long. In the three weeks since I have been using babybix.com to keep track of her sleep, Mari has slept a maximum of 14.5 hours and wow, she was in a great mood that day. Nor do I believe it's just that Mari needs more sleep than most. On the online message board for moms that I visit, it would seem the majority of 7-8 month-olds need 13 hours or more of sleep a day.
Wow, that took longer than I expected. I will post this now and continue the book reviews another day. Next up: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child; The Baby Whisperer; The Baby Sleep Book.
Showing posts with label Dr. Richard Ferber. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dr. Richard Ferber. Show all posts
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Friday, April 2, 2010
Day 71: Top 5 things I have learned about Mari's sleep
Some time ago I posted the top 10 things I have learned in general about baby sleep.(http://sleeplittlebaby.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-44-top-10-things-i-have-learned-in.html) I continue to learn, but here are the top five things I have learned so far about Mari's sleep in particular. I'll post more if I think of more.
1. Mari didn't need to cry it out. I tried letting Mari cry it out, using the extinction method, once. (See http://sleeplittlebaby.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-48-crying-it-out-aka-hardest-hour.html.) At the time, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child had convinced me it was the best way to teach her how to fall asleep on her own. Mari cried for an hour straight, and though she did fall asleep soon after, I just couldn't bring myself to put her through that again. While Mari's sleep is still far from perfect, Dr. Richard Ferber's suggestions on breaking sleep associations (also covered in the No-Cry Sleep Solution but better explained, I thought, chez Ferber) were more helpful in getting Mari to fall asleep on her own. I think following the No-Cry Sleep Solution laid the groundwork for Mari's improved sleep, but I still needed a push to take the final step of getting Mari to fall asleep on her own, without being first rocked to near-sleep. Once I started to put Mari down genuinely awake, not almost asleep, she learned to fall asleep on her own and started sleeping better at night. It may well be that some babies truly do need to cry it out. But I believe for the vast majority of babies there are better, less harsh ways.
2. Having said the above, it was unrealistic to expect no crying at all, ever. Mari cries sometimes, in and out of our arms. Sometimes she cries a lot. Sometimes there doesn't seem to be much we can do, at least for a certain period of time. I think letting her cry for up to five minutes at a time between us going in and briefly comforting her is OK. However, I feel bad about letting her go much longer than that, unless her crying is winding down and it sounds like she's on the verge of falling asleep -- which does sometimes happen. However, Mari definitely cries more when she's overtired, and we need to work really hard to prevent her from getting that way, though sometimes it's hard to avoid, especially if her naps are short. For more: http://sleeplittlebaby.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-41-talking-fussing-calling-crying.html
3. Sometimes Mari cries for non-intuitive reasons. Namely, sometimes these days she cries to be put down, not picked up, or because she's not tired, rather than because she is tired. The first was particularly hard to believe at first, because when she was younger, she seemed to constantly fuss to be picked up and she never wanted to be put down. But now that she's gotten used to falling asleep on her own, she often starts to fuss when I'm trying to rock her or sing her lullabies toward the end of her naptime or bedtime routines. She calms down when I put her down. Also, I used to think she fussed before naps or bed because she was tired or overtired. Often this is still the case. But sometimes she fusses because she's just not tired enough to go down. It's harder to tell the difference with this one, but if she doesn't seem to be growing tired and wants to stand up in my lap, she's likely not tired. The only sure test is to stop trying to get her down -- removing her sleep sack, taking her to another room -- and letting her play. If she calms down quickly, she was protesting being put down or wound down when she wasn't ready.
4. Mari's sleepy signs are unreliable, inconsistent and not the usual tired-baby signs. Apparently some babies don't show regular tired signs, or not much. Mari must be one of them. She seldom yawns. She doesn't always show a lull in activity or disinterest in her toys. Instead, the first sign often seems to be apparently increased energy. It's like she's trying to mask her fatigue. She will rub her eyes sometimes, but only after she feeds, and it's a late tired sign. Fatigued fussiness can start without apparent warning. She does often look away from other people, including her dad, but she doesn't tend to look away from me unless her dad has been the one taking care of her and I'm the one who's new on the scene.
5. She needs adequate time to wind down . This may be her temperament, because she has difficulty with transitions. If I want her to sleep at, say, 2 PM, I need to start her naptime routine at least half an hour beforehand. But sometimes, if she's really tired, she will fall asleep quickly, though, so I have to watch to make sure I don't do so much during her naptime/bedtime routines that she gets a second wind.
1. Mari didn't need to cry it out. I tried letting Mari cry it out, using the extinction method, once. (See http://sleeplittlebaby.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-48-crying-it-out-aka-hardest-hour.html.) At the time, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child had convinced me it was the best way to teach her how to fall asleep on her own. Mari cried for an hour straight, and though she did fall asleep soon after, I just couldn't bring myself to put her through that again. While Mari's sleep is still far from perfect, Dr. Richard Ferber's suggestions on breaking sleep associations (also covered in the No-Cry Sleep Solution but better explained, I thought, chez Ferber) were more helpful in getting Mari to fall asleep on her own. I think following the No-Cry Sleep Solution laid the groundwork for Mari's improved sleep, but I still needed a push to take the final step of getting Mari to fall asleep on her own, without being first rocked to near-sleep. Once I started to put Mari down genuinely awake, not almost asleep, she learned to fall asleep on her own and started sleeping better at night. It may well be that some babies truly do need to cry it out. But I believe for the vast majority of babies there are better, less harsh ways.
2. Having said the above, it was unrealistic to expect no crying at all, ever. Mari cries sometimes, in and out of our arms. Sometimes she cries a lot. Sometimes there doesn't seem to be much we can do, at least for a certain period of time. I think letting her cry for up to five minutes at a time between us going in and briefly comforting her is OK. However, I feel bad about letting her go much longer than that, unless her crying is winding down and it sounds like she's on the verge of falling asleep -- which does sometimes happen. However, Mari definitely cries more when she's overtired, and we need to work really hard to prevent her from getting that way, though sometimes it's hard to avoid, especially if her naps are short. For more: http://sleeplittlebaby.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-41-talking-fussing-calling-crying.html
3. Sometimes Mari cries for non-intuitive reasons. Namely, sometimes these days she cries to be put down, not picked up, or because she's not tired, rather than because she is tired. The first was particularly hard to believe at first, because when she was younger, she seemed to constantly fuss to be picked up and she never wanted to be put down. But now that she's gotten used to falling asleep on her own, she often starts to fuss when I'm trying to rock her or sing her lullabies toward the end of her naptime or bedtime routines. She calms down when I put her down. Also, I used to think she fussed before naps or bed because she was tired or overtired. Often this is still the case. But sometimes she fusses because she's just not tired enough to go down. It's harder to tell the difference with this one, but if she doesn't seem to be growing tired and wants to stand up in my lap, she's likely not tired. The only sure test is to stop trying to get her down -- removing her sleep sack, taking her to another room -- and letting her play. If she calms down quickly, she was protesting being put down or wound down when she wasn't ready.
4. Mari's sleepy signs are unreliable, inconsistent and not the usual tired-baby signs. Apparently some babies don't show regular tired signs, or not much. Mari must be one of them. She seldom yawns. She doesn't always show a lull in activity or disinterest in her toys. Instead, the first sign often seems to be apparently increased energy. It's like she's trying to mask her fatigue. She will rub her eyes sometimes, but only after she feeds, and it's a late tired sign. Fatigued fussiness can start without apparent warning. She does often look away from other people, including her dad, but she doesn't tend to look away from me unless her dad has been the one taking care of her and I'm the one who's new on the scene.
5. She needs adequate time to wind down . This may be her temperament, because she has difficulty with transitions. If I want her to sleep at, say, 2 PM, I need to start her naptime routine at least half an hour beforehand. But sometimes, if she's really tired, she will fall asleep quickly, though, so I have to watch to make sure I don't do so much during her naptime/bedtime routines that she gets a second wind.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Day 62: The new, hopefully permanent sleep plan (draft)
(Published on Tuesday, Mar. 23, despite the incorrect date stamp above.)
Over the past two months, I've tried all sorts of things to get Mari to sleep better. Some have worked better than others. I thought they were worthy experiments, but consistency has been a problem. Also, it has taken me some time to work out exactly what I'm comfortable with in terms of crying. This plan is not a strictly no-cry plan, since it allows for up to five minutes of crying or 20 minutes of mild fussing between us going in. (For a discussion of the difference between fussing and crying, see http://sleeplittlebaby.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-41-talking-fussing-calling-crying.html) It isn't a cry-it-out plan either, since we will respond to crying fairly promptly, without trying to stretch out time between responses. However, it does have as a central feature the idea that we will no longer put her to sleep -- she is responsible for falling asleep on her own. So this plan is something of a hybrid between the No-Cry Sleep Solution and Ferberizing, though some elements have been taken from Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and others I've simply made up based on what has worked with Mari so far.
This plan is subject to change after Jon has a close look at it. Feedback from other people is also more than welcome. Once I have that feedback and made changes if necessary, I hope to keep this plan in place more or less permanently, though of course we will change the schedule as Mari grows and her sleep needs change -- and if something really isn't working out, we'll change it. Anyway, here's the draft plan.
1. Schedule: I will impose a schedule of nap times, bedtime and wake times, but with flexibility of up to half an hour on either side for naps, depending on how tired (or not) she seems and how long she slept the last time. I will try my best to maintain a more consistent bedtime, starting the bedtime routine as close to 6:30 as possible every night. If I absolutely have to break the schedule, I will try to get Mari back on track as soon as possible, but I will never wake her up from a nap, except in the unlikely event she naps later than 6:00 PM. The schedule will look like this:
7:00 AM: Up (See point #2)
9:00: Start naptime routine, set down by about 9:20 (see point #3)
9:30(ish): Asleep/quiet time (see point #6)
10:30: Active play time
1:00 PM: Start naptime routine, set down by about 1:20
1:30(ish): Asleep/quiet time
3:00: Active play time
(See point #7 for a discussion of the third nap)
6:30: Start bedtime routine, set down by about 7:20 (see point #4)
7:30(ish): Asleep
2. Morning wake-up time
10. Night wakings and night feedings:
Over the past two months, I've tried all sorts of things to get Mari to sleep better. Some have worked better than others. I thought they were worthy experiments, but consistency has been a problem. Also, it has taken me some time to work out exactly what I'm comfortable with in terms of crying. This plan is not a strictly no-cry plan, since it allows for up to five minutes of crying or 20 minutes of mild fussing between us going in. (For a discussion of the difference between fussing and crying, see http://sleeplittlebaby.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-41-talking-fussing-calling-crying.html) It isn't a cry-it-out plan either, since we will respond to crying fairly promptly, without trying to stretch out time between responses. However, it does have as a central feature the idea that we will no longer put her to sleep -- she is responsible for falling asleep on her own. So this plan is something of a hybrid between the No-Cry Sleep Solution and Ferberizing, though some elements have been taken from Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and others I've simply made up based on what has worked with Mari so far.
This plan is subject to change after Jon has a close look at it. Feedback from other people is also more than welcome. Once I have that feedback and made changes if necessary, I hope to keep this plan in place more or less permanently, though of course we will change the schedule as Mari grows and her sleep needs change -- and if something really isn't working out, we'll change it. Anyway, here's the draft plan.
1. Schedule: I will impose a schedule of nap times, bedtime and wake times, but with flexibility of up to half an hour on either side for naps, depending on how tired (or not) she seems and how long she slept the last time. I will try my best to maintain a more consistent bedtime, starting the bedtime routine as close to 6:30 as possible every night. If I absolutely have to break the schedule, I will try to get Mari back on track as soon as possible, but I will never wake her up from a nap, except in the unlikely event she naps later than 6:00 PM. The schedule will look like this:
7:00 AM: Up (See point #2)
9:00: Start naptime routine, set down by about 9:20 (see point #3)
9:30(ish): Asleep/quiet time (see point #6)
10:30: Active play time
1:00 PM: Start naptime routine, set down by about 1:20
1:30(ish): Asleep/quiet time
3:00: Active play time
(See point #7 for a discussion of the third nap)
6:30: Start bedtime routine, set down by about 7:20 (see point #4)
7:30(ish): Asleep
2. Morning wake-up time
- If Mari wakes up before 5:30 AM, I will treat it as a night waking. (See point #10)
- If Mari wakes up between 5:30 and 6:30, she's vulnerable to not being able to get back to sleep. So at this special time, I will do whatever it takes to get her back down, including nursing (if she hasn't yet had a second night feeding; see point #11) and rocking all the way to sleep.
- If Mari wakes up between 6:30 and 7:00 AM, I will ignore her even if she fusses mildly, keeping her in her crib with the blinds down and lights off, until 7:00. If she starts to full-on cry, I will use the procedures outlined in point #5.
- If Mari wakes up between 7:00 and 8:00, that's fine.
- If by some freak chance Mari hasn't woken up by 8:00, I will wake her up to protect her schedule.
- Trip to potty/change
- Two stories, one in Japanese and one in English (with the option to cut it off at one if she seems really tired)
- Blinds closed, white noise machine on
- Two lullabies while rocking if she lets me rock her, one in Japanese and one in English (with the option to cut it off at one or even part of one if she starts looking like she's going to fall asleep.)
- Put down in crib still awake but drowsy (with the option of putting her down while I'm still singing lullabies)
- Good"night" kiss and leave the room
- Bath
- Massage
- Put on pajamas and disposable diaper
- One to three stories, the last of which is always Goodnight Moon
- Breastfeed (no trip to potty unless she obviously needs to poo or actually does so)
- Up to two lullabies while rocking (see note above)
- Put down in crib still awake but drowsy (with the option of putting her down while I'm still singing lullabies)
- Goodnight kiss and leave the room
- If Mari mildly fusses, I will wait five minutes, then go in for her first check and soothe. This first soothing happens quickly because I want to let her know I haven't abandoned her just because I left the room. However, if it sounds like she's right on the point of falling asleep, I will wait up to five more minutes to see if she can fall asleep on her own.
- When soothing her, I will pick her up, shush her, rock her, stroke her hair, pat her bum -- whatever feels right. However, I will not do any of these things until she falls asleep. If she starts to close her eyes in my arms, I'll put her down immediately. I will avoid talking to her or turning on the light, as I don't want to stimulate her. I will strictly limit time in her room to no more than two minutes and will put her down still fully awake but hopefully calmer. If she doesn't calm down within two minutes, I'll still put her down and leave the room.
- If Mari continues to fuss, not full-on cry, I will check on her at 20-minute intervals, unless it sounds like she is very close to falling asleep at the 20-minute mark, in which case I will wait five more minutes. If the fussing turns into crying, see below.
- For naptime, if an hour has passed since I put her down and she has not fallen asleep, I will let her get up. If she seems really tired and hasn't slept at all, I will take her for a walk, weather permitting, and see if she falls asleep in the stroller or carrier. If the weather is bad, I may or may not take her for a car ride.If she falls asleep in the stroller/carrier/carseat, I will try to maintain the same environment until she wakes up on her own, but I won't try to put her back to sleep again until it's time for her next nap. If I decide not to take her for a car ride but I think she still might fall asleep soon, I will let her play quietly in her crib. If she doesn't want to be in her crib, I'll get her up fully. If she doesn't fall asleep, I'll let her stay up until the early end of the range for her next nap or bedtime.
- At bedtime, I will continue checking on her every 20 minutes indefinitely, as long as she's still fussing, not full-on crying. It's unlikely to ever come to this, though.
- If Mari starts to really cry or scream, sounding very upset, I will still not go in right away, since I don't want her to learn that we'll come running if she screams louder or longer. I will wait two minutes, then go in and soothe her as outlined above. I will still limit time in her room to two minutes.
- If she continues to really cry, I will perform the check and soothe routine at five-minutes intervals. I don't think I'm rewarding her for being louder by going in more often, because my response is still not immediate and because my response will remain the same -- i.e. no rocking all the way to sleep. Also, if she continues to full-on cry despite my best efforts at soothing, I will still put her down after two minutes in her room and let her cry for up to five more minutes. See point #11 for a discussion of if I will nurse her at night.
- If at any point there is a real problem causing her to cry (i.e. she has vomited), I will fix it, even if it takes longer than two minutes and even if I have to turn on a dim light at night. However, once the problem has been fixed and she has calmed down, I will leave the room. I will still avoid rocking her all the way to sleep, though I may have to make temporary exceptions if she's sick or in pain.
- Because there is a continuum between mild fussing and crying, if I'm unsure about which category it falls into, I'll treat it as crying. The point is not to ignore an upset baby -- I want her to know we're here and we will always respond to her quite promptly if she's upset. On the other hand, Mari often seems to need to "talk" or mildly fuss a bit to put herself to sleep, and I don't want to rob her of the opportunity to do so.
- I will go in right away and do anything I can to get her back down, though that will include nursing only if it's an appropriate time to nurse (see point #8) or if she's showing signs of hunger. If she starts to fall asleep in my arms, I will gently put her down. If putting her down upsets her and she doesn't seem to be trying to fall back asleep, I will pick her up again rock her all the way to sleep before trying to put her down. If she wakes up a second time, I will rock her to sleep again. If she wakes up a third time, I'll let her stay up for quiet time.
- If after 10 minutes of soothing, it seems like there's no way she'll go back down, or if I have tried and failed twice to put her down, I'll give her some toys and let her play quietly alone in the crib. I will keep the blinds down and white noise machine on until the end of quiet time as per the schedule in point #1.
- If I started the naptime routine earlier or later than usual, quiet time is to last an hour from the time I put her down.
It appears Mari has pretty much given up her late afternoon nap. However, if she seems really tired around when she used to have her third nap (between 4:00 and 5:30), I will take her upstairs and perform the naptime routine as fast as possible.If she falls asleep, great. If she fusses, I will do a check and soothe at the five-minute mark, then again if necessary after another 10 minutes, not 20 (five minutes, as always, if she full-on cries). If at that point she doesn't seem likely to fall asleep, I will give her quiet time in her crib, with toys, for another 15 minutes, for a total of 30 minutes of quiet time. If she doesn't fall asleep but doesn't fuss either, I'll let her be for a total of 30 minutes of quiet time.If she never seems tired enough to go down for a third nap, I won't worry about it and won't try to institute a late-afternoon quiet time.If she does fall asleep, I will limit the third nap to a maximum of one hour, or until 6:00 PM, whichever comes first.If she starts to seem really tired between 5:30 and 6:30 PM, I'll start her bedtime routine a little early instead of trying to give her a third nap.
- I will feed her soon after she wakes up in the morning, then every three hours or so thereafter during the day, sooner if she shows signs of hunger.
- If she refuses to nurse on the three-hour mark, I will wait half an hour and offer the boob again. If she shows signs of hunger before that, I will offer the boob sooner.
- If it has been more than two hours since she last ate and she's about to go for an outing or down for a nap, I will offer her the boob before the outing or nap.
- If she refuses to nurse before a nap, I won't worry about it and will put her down for the nap regardless.
- I will try to avoid lengthy outings if she hasn't eaten beforehand (a short outing is OK) because she's too easily distracted these days to nurse in public.
10. Night wakings and night feedings:
- If Mari starts to mildly fuss (not cry) at night, I will let her fuss alone for up to 10 (not five) minutes or until fussing turns into crying. If necessary, I will encourage Jon to put in his earplugs and shut the door while I go to the guest room with the door open so I can accurately gauge the quality of her cries.
- After 10 minutes of fussing, I will do a check and soothe as outlined in point #5 OR feed her as outlined in point #11.
- If it isn't an appropriate time for a feeding, I will let her mildly fuss for 20 minutes before doing another check and soothe if necessary.
- If she starts to really cry, I will wait two minutes the first time, then do a check and soothe OR feed her as outlined in point #11.
- If she continues to full-on cry and it isn't an appropriate time for a feeding, I will check and soothe once every five minutes.
- If she has been full-on crying for a total of 15 minutes, despite two soothing sessions in the middle, and it's within an hour of a normally acceptable time for a feed (i.e. four hours since she was put down or two hours since her last night feeding), I will feed her.
- I will feed her no more than twice at night. Her first feeding can be a full one and can occur anytime after she has been down for a minimum of five hours. Her second feeding can occur anytime after she has been down for a minimum of three hours after her first feeding.
- I will make exceptions to the above if she has been crying hard for 15 minutes as outlined above, or if she is going through a growth spurt or teething. In those cases, I will feed up to three times a night. However, after the growth spurt or teething is over, I will return to a maximum of two night feedings.
- I AM RESCINDING ALL POINTS FROM HERE ON DOWN:
I am spending this month (from seven to eight months old) trying to wean her from the second night feeding, on the following schedule: Mar. 20-27: I will offer only one breast at the second night feeding. If she fusses for more than 10 minutes after I put her down or wakes up again within 30 minutes of getting the first breast, I will offer the second breast.Mar. 27-Apr. 3: I will offer only one breast at the second night feeding. If she fusses for more than 10 minutes after I put her down or wakes up again within 30 minutes after getting the first breast, I will offer the second breast, but I will limit her time on it to seven minutes the first night, six the second night, five the third night, etc.Apr. 3-10: I will offer only one breast at the second night feeding. If she fusses or wakes up again I will use only my check and soothe techniques to try to get her back to sleep.Apr. 10-20: I will start to limit time on the first breast to 10 minutes the first night, nine minutes the second night, and so on.I will try to wean her from the first (and hopefully by then only) night feeding in a similar way between the eight-month mark and the nine-month mark.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Day 56: Maybe I'm not going to need to Ferberize after all!
I've been reading Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Dr. Richard Ferber. However, I've been slack and am not done the book yet, and I wasn't planning to really implement anything in the book until I was done it.
However, the one thing I have changed in the last few days is that I have started putting Mari down drowsy but fully awake for naps, kissing her goodnight and leaving the room. Until recently, I was putting her down only once she started closing her eyes, though before she fell fully asleep. About half the time she opened her eyes again when I put her down, but if she managed to fall asleep again she did so with me still in the room. I had huge problems with her waking up after only a short nap, still cranky and needing to be put back down right away.
Since I started following Ferber's advice to leave the room, let her fuss for awhile and if need be, re-enter the room, soothe her and go out of the room again quickly, before she falls asleep, Mari has started to nap much better. I think it's because she isn't falling asleep with me in the room and then waking up wondering where I am. Because she's in the same environment if she lightly wakes up as when she fell asleep, she can put herself back to sleep.
I haven't formally Ferberized. I have not left Mari to cry for increasing increments of time. I've just let her fuss for what I thought was a reasonable period of time. I haven't let her full-out cry. And yet I already see a huge difference. Mari is usually staying asleep for naps of about an hour and a half (give or take) for the morning and afternoon naps, though the late-afternoon nap, if taken (less often these days) is only about half an hour. She's still sleeping pretty well through the night, though still waking up typically once to feed at about 3-4 a.m.
I'm so much happier and better-rested and so is Mari. I will post about this again if this is still working in a few days, or when I decide if I'm going to formally implement a Ferber-type program. But I hope I don't have to.
However, the one thing I have changed in the last few days is that I have started putting Mari down drowsy but fully awake for naps, kissing her goodnight and leaving the room. Until recently, I was putting her down only once she started closing her eyes, though before she fell fully asleep. About half the time she opened her eyes again when I put her down, but if she managed to fall asleep again she did so with me still in the room. I had huge problems with her waking up after only a short nap, still cranky and needing to be put back down right away.
Since I started following Ferber's advice to leave the room, let her fuss for awhile and if need be, re-enter the room, soothe her and go out of the room again quickly, before she falls asleep, Mari has started to nap much better. I think it's because she isn't falling asleep with me in the room and then waking up wondering where I am. Because she's in the same environment if she lightly wakes up as when she fell asleep, she can put herself back to sleep.
I haven't formally Ferberized. I have not left Mari to cry for increasing increments of time. I've just let her fuss for what I thought was a reasonable period of time. I haven't let her full-out cry. And yet I already see a huge difference. Mari is usually staying asleep for naps of about an hour and a half (give or take) for the morning and afternoon naps, though the late-afternoon nap, if taken (less often these days) is only about half an hour. She's still sleeping pretty well through the night, though still waking up typically once to feed at about 3-4 a.m.
I'm so much happier and better-rested and so is Mari. I will post about this again if this is still working in a few days, or when I decide if I'm going to formally implement a Ferber-type program. But I hope I don't have to.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Day 50: Why does every damn book say something different?
I'm not very far into Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems (Dr. Richard Ferber) yet, but already I've noticed how much different books differ in what they say even on basic facts about sleep.
Let's take the amount of sleep a six-month-old should get.
According to the No-Cry Sleep Solution: 2 naps a day, 3-4 naptime hours, 10-11 nighttime sleep hours, 14-15 hours total. (According to the No-Cry Nap Solution, by the same author just a few years later, six-month olds should get 2-3 naps, not necessarily just two.)
According to Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, from 4-11 months, a baby needs an average of 14.25 hours of total sleep, including about 3.5 hours of nap sleep and 11 hours of nighttime sleep. The vast majority of six-month-olds take only two naps.
According to Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems, a six-month-old only needs an average of 12.5 hours of total sleep, including 9.25 hours of night sleep and 3.25 hours of nap sleep broken into two or three chunks.
That's a pretty big difference in the recommendations, especially with the last one. Also, HSHHC says a baby about this age should be starting the morning nap around 9 AM and the early-afternoon nap around 1 PM. But SYCSP recommends the first nap start between 9:30 and and 10:30 AM, and the afternoon one between 2 and 3 PM.
What am I supposed to do with all these conflicting recommendations?
Today: Mari had tremendous difficulty going down for her naps, especially the morning one. I started extra early trying to get her down in the morning, since I thought maybe she's been overtired the last several mornings, which was why she fussed so much before going down for her nap. So I tried from 8 AM to 10 AM to get her down. She did nothing but fuss. Finally Jon was able to get her down at about 10:40 and she only slept for 35 minutes. In the afternoon, I tried to get her back on track by putting her down at 1 PM. She didn't go down until about 2:15, though this time she slept an hour and 50 minutes. She skipped her evening nap and was down for the night by about 7:15. So maybe there's something to Dr. Ferber's recommended naptimes, though I hesitate to draw conclusions from just one day.
Let's take the amount of sleep a six-month-old should get.
According to the No-Cry Sleep Solution: 2 naps a day, 3-4 naptime hours, 10-11 nighttime sleep hours, 14-15 hours total. (According to the No-Cry Nap Solution, by the same author just a few years later, six-month olds should get 2-3 naps, not necessarily just two.)
According to Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, from 4-11 months, a baby needs an average of 14.25 hours of total sleep, including about 3.5 hours of nap sleep and 11 hours of nighttime sleep. The vast majority of six-month-olds take only two naps.
According to Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems, a six-month-old only needs an average of 12.5 hours of total sleep, including 9.25 hours of night sleep and 3.25 hours of nap sleep broken into two or three chunks.
That's a pretty big difference in the recommendations, especially with the last one. Also, HSHHC says a baby about this age should be starting the morning nap around 9 AM and the early-afternoon nap around 1 PM. But SYCSP recommends the first nap start between 9:30 and and 10:30 AM, and the afternoon one between 2 and 3 PM.
What am I supposed to do with all these conflicting recommendations?
Today: Mari had tremendous difficulty going down for her naps, especially the morning one. I started extra early trying to get her down in the morning, since I thought maybe she's been overtired the last several mornings, which was why she fussed so much before going down for her nap. So I tried from 8 AM to 10 AM to get her down. She did nothing but fuss. Finally Jon was able to get her down at about 10:40 and she only slept for 35 minutes. In the afternoon, I tried to get her back on track by putting her down at 1 PM. She didn't go down until about 2:15, though this time she slept an hour and 50 minutes. She skipped her evening nap and was down for the night by about 7:15. So maybe there's something to Dr. Ferber's recommended naptimes, though I hesitate to draw conclusions from just one day.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Day 49: Abort mission (at least for now)
I started off today with great intentions to continue with the crying it out. I started getting Mari ready for her first nap around 8 AM, when she had been up about an hour, but she was obviously already tired and cranky -- I really should have started earlier, since she yawned almost as soon as I went to get her in the morning. I assumed she was yawning because she had just woken up, but maybe she had actually woken up earlier and played quietly until she got sick of it.
Anyway, I rocked her and sang her lullabies and at a few points I was sure it was going to work. Mari was closing her eyes and was almost asleep. Then I'd put her down and she'd start to cry. I'd pick her back up and soothe her again, put her down again and she'd cry. A couple of times she also started to fall asleep in my arms, and before I could even set her down, she'd jerk herself awake and start crying again.
By 8:35, it was time to put her down, so I did. Soon she started crying. I left her for awhile. But then Jon asked me if he could "go in." I assumed he meant he was leaving to go to the university. I didn't realize he meant into Mari's room until he was already in there. So I abandoned the CIO effort, since I figured she'd be confused.
Also, Mari was more resistant than usual to going down for the night last night. I don't know if that was just coincidence or because she remembered how long she'd had to cry in the morning and was afraid of the crib or something.
I thought about trying again tomorrow, but Beth, who sometimes comments on here, convinced me I should look into Dr. Richard Ferber's methods too. So I got Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems from the library today. I'll read that too before deciding how to go about this. I may well end up going the full-on extinction cry-it-out route anyway, but I need some more time to think about it and do research. I don't feel 100% convinced or committed to any one method at this point, so I'll wait until I am.
Anyway, I rocked her and sang her lullabies and at a few points I was sure it was going to work. Mari was closing her eyes and was almost asleep. Then I'd put her down and she'd start to cry. I'd pick her back up and soothe her again, put her down again and she'd cry. A couple of times she also started to fall asleep in my arms, and before I could even set her down, she'd jerk herself awake and start crying again.
By 8:35, it was time to put her down, so I did. Soon she started crying. I left her for awhile. But then Jon asked me if he could "go in." I assumed he meant he was leaving to go to the university. I didn't realize he meant into Mari's room until he was already in there. So I abandoned the CIO effort, since I figured she'd be confused.
Also, Mari was more resistant than usual to going down for the night last night. I don't know if that was just coincidence or because she remembered how long she'd had to cry in the morning and was afraid of the crib or something.
I thought about trying again tomorrow, but Beth, who sometimes comments on here, convinced me I should look into Dr. Richard Ferber's methods too. So I got Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems from the library today. I'll read that too before deciding how to go about this. I may well end up going the full-on extinction cry-it-out route anyway, but I need some more time to think about it and do research. I don't feel 100% convinced or committed to any one method at this point, so I'll wait until I am.
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