Continued from this post...
3. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Marc Weissbluth, M.D.
There was a good deal I liked and found useful about this book. However, in my opinion the most fundamental thing about this book -- the recommended "extinction" crying method is overly harsh and unnecessary for most babies.
But let's start with what I did like, most of all the maxim that sleep begets sleep. Here, I have found that Weissbluth is right and Ferber is wrong. Almost always, an earlier bedtime, not a later one, is better for Mari's sleep. She sleeps more and better than when I've tried to keep her up longer or later. Of course, there is a limit, though Weissbluth sometimes seems to imply otherwise. Mari cannot and will not sleep for more than 14 hours in a day at the most, and she averages about 13 hours, though if I recall correctly, Weissbluth recommends 14-15.
Another thing I liked is the emphasis Weissbluth places on baby temperament and his acknowledgment, missing in many other books, that some babies just aren't going to be as good of sleepers as others, and that what works for most babies may not work for a certain percentage -- especially those who were very fussy as younger babies, which Mari certainly was. It was reassuring to me to know that just because some techniques work with other babies and don't seem to work with Mari, it's not necessarily because I'm doing something wrong -- it's because Mari is a different baby.
For the above reasons, I am prepared to believe that there are some babies for whom the extinction crying method Weissbluth advocates may be the only thing that works. However, I also believe that it's highly stressful for babies. It's plain that babies don't like to cry. Their faces turn red, their temperature goes up, they give every indication of being in extreme distress. Babies cry to communicate. Whether it's because they're in pain or because they just want their mothers, for the baby, something is wrong. I believe those needs should be responded to promptly (though not necessarily immediately), unless there's a damn good reason to delay response. In my opinion, a parent should consistently and patiently try every other method possible before resorting to the extinction method.
It's true that babies need to learn to fall asleep and stay asleep on their own. It may be true that for some babies, a certain amount of crying is necessary before they learn. However, just plain ignoring the baby's cries, no matter how long it takes, ignores the possibility the baby may be in pain or discomfort, which if fixed could get him or her to sleep.
I did find Weissbluth makes good points about why it's so important for children to be well-rested. However, I thought he overstated the case. I found myself worrying as I read it that I had already caused Mari irreparable damage by letting her stay up too long in the past. I even wondered if that was the cause of her not doing things such as crawling as fast as some babies (though she is still very much within the normal range). With a little more distance, I found the book was making me worrying too much. More guilt is something parents don't need.
Another issue I have with the book is that it is overly long, repetitive and written in a convoluted manner. However, that may be the editor in me talking.
4. The Baby Sleep Book, by William, Robert, James and Martha Sears
I like Dr. Sears a lot. I find what he says about attachment parenting (I have the book by that name and love it) makes a lot of sense. Though I no longer follow it to the letter (I allow some limited crying alone, I no longer "wear" Mari much at home, we no longer co-sleep), I believe in the philosophy of maintaining a strong bond between parent and baby. I believe the amount of time I spent in earlier months wearing or carrying Mari, co-sleeping, responding immediately to her cries, bonding with her immediately upon birth, and breastfeeding (still going strong there) laid the foundation for us knowing her well and her trusting us. I also found The Birth Book, also by Dr. Sears, to be the best, most balanced resource I read about birth. So certainly I have nothing against Dr. Sears.
However, I did not find The Baby Sleep Book to be terribly helpful. When I tried to follow his suggestion of waiting until Mari had been asleep for 20 minutes before putting her down, I found she was more lightly asleep than when she had been asleep only about 5 minutes. It also delayed my going to sleep myself -- but then, generally, I found the book didn't give enough weight to parents' needs.
Really, I found the whole concept of actively putting her to sleep each and every time problematic. I do believe Ferber's assertion that babies develop sleep associations. If Mari is rocked or nursed to sleep, then put down once deeply asleep, she does indeed tend to wake up when her sleep cycle becomes shallow, probably because she's alarmed that the conditions she associated with going to sleep (rocking, nursing) are no longer present. It was only when I started working to break those sleep associations that Mari started sleeping better.
Basically, the message I took away from The Baby Sleep Book was that if I didn't like Mari waking up constantly, I should just be very, very patient and she would eventually, by the time she was a toddler or preschooler, learn to sleep better and more independently. In the meaning, Jon or I should always carry her until she fell asleep and then sleep with her, even if it meant a more disrupted sleep for everybody. I found this unacceptable.
To be fair, there are bits about other ways of doing things, and a good chapter about night weaning, but I generally found the book to be simplistic, not that informed about sleep and not very respectful of the need to teach a baby to fall asleep and stay asleep on her own. Though just as gentle, I found the No-Cry Sleep Solution to be better about all that.
Next up: The No-Cry Nap Solution, The Baby Whisperer
Showing posts with label Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. Show all posts
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Friday, April 2, 2010
Day 71: Top 5 things I have learned about Mari's sleep
Some time ago I posted the top 10 things I have learned in general about baby sleep.(http://sleeplittlebaby.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-44-top-10-things-i-have-learned-in.html) I continue to learn, but here are the top five things I have learned so far about Mari's sleep in particular. I'll post more if I think of more.
1. Mari didn't need to cry it out. I tried letting Mari cry it out, using the extinction method, once. (See http://sleeplittlebaby.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-48-crying-it-out-aka-hardest-hour.html.) At the time, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child had convinced me it was the best way to teach her how to fall asleep on her own. Mari cried for an hour straight, and though she did fall asleep soon after, I just couldn't bring myself to put her through that again. While Mari's sleep is still far from perfect, Dr. Richard Ferber's suggestions on breaking sleep associations (also covered in the No-Cry Sleep Solution but better explained, I thought, chez Ferber) were more helpful in getting Mari to fall asleep on her own. I think following the No-Cry Sleep Solution laid the groundwork for Mari's improved sleep, but I still needed a push to take the final step of getting Mari to fall asleep on her own, without being first rocked to near-sleep. Once I started to put Mari down genuinely awake, not almost asleep, she learned to fall asleep on her own and started sleeping better at night. It may well be that some babies truly do need to cry it out. But I believe for the vast majority of babies there are better, less harsh ways.
2. Having said the above, it was unrealistic to expect no crying at all, ever. Mari cries sometimes, in and out of our arms. Sometimes she cries a lot. Sometimes there doesn't seem to be much we can do, at least for a certain period of time. I think letting her cry for up to five minutes at a time between us going in and briefly comforting her is OK. However, I feel bad about letting her go much longer than that, unless her crying is winding down and it sounds like she's on the verge of falling asleep -- which does sometimes happen. However, Mari definitely cries more when she's overtired, and we need to work really hard to prevent her from getting that way, though sometimes it's hard to avoid, especially if her naps are short. For more: http://sleeplittlebaby.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-41-talking-fussing-calling-crying.html
3. Sometimes Mari cries for non-intuitive reasons. Namely, sometimes these days she cries to be put down, not picked up, or because she's not tired, rather than because she is tired. The first was particularly hard to believe at first, because when she was younger, she seemed to constantly fuss to be picked up and she never wanted to be put down. But now that she's gotten used to falling asleep on her own, she often starts to fuss when I'm trying to rock her or sing her lullabies toward the end of her naptime or bedtime routines. She calms down when I put her down. Also, I used to think she fussed before naps or bed because she was tired or overtired. Often this is still the case. But sometimes she fusses because she's just not tired enough to go down. It's harder to tell the difference with this one, but if she doesn't seem to be growing tired and wants to stand up in my lap, she's likely not tired. The only sure test is to stop trying to get her down -- removing her sleep sack, taking her to another room -- and letting her play. If she calms down quickly, she was protesting being put down or wound down when she wasn't ready.
4. Mari's sleepy signs are unreliable, inconsistent and not the usual tired-baby signs. Apparently some babies don't show regular tired signs, or not much. Mari must be one of them. She seldom yawns. She doesn't always show a lull in activity or disinterest in her toys. Instead, the first sign often seems to be apparently increased energy. It's like she's trying to mask her fatigue. She will rub her eyes sometimes, but only after she feeds, and it's a late tired sign. Fatigued fussiness can start without apparent warning. She does often look away from other people, including her dad, but she doesn't tend to look away from me unless her dad has been the one taking care of her and I'm the one who's new on the scene.
5. She needs adequate time to wind down . This may be her temperament, because she has difficulty with transitions. If I want her to sleep at, say, 2 PM, I need to start her naptime routine at least half an hour beforehand. But sometimes, if she's really tired, she will fall asleep quickly, though, so I have to watch to make sure I don't do so much during her naptime/bedtime routines that she gets a second wind.
1. Mari didn't need to cry it out. I tried letting Mari cry it out, using the extinction method, once. (See http://sleeplittlebaby.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-48-crying-it-out-aka-hardest-hour.html.) At the time, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child had convinced me it was the best way to teach her how to fall asleep on her own. Mari cried for an hour straight, and though she did fall asleep soon after, I just couldn't bring myself to put her through that again. While Mari's sleep is still far from perfect, Dr. Richard Ferber's suggestions on breaking sleep associations (also covered in the No-Cry Sleep Solution but better explained, I thought, chez Ferber) were more helpful in getting Mari to fall asleep on her own. I think following the No-Cry Sleep Solution laid the groundwork for Mari's improved sleep, but I still needed a push to take the final step of getting Mari to fall asleep on her own, without being first rocked to near-sleep. Once I started to put Mari down genuinely awake, not almost asleep, she learned to fall asleep on her own and started sleeping better at night. It may well be that some babies truly do need to cry it out. But I believe for the vast majority of babies there are better, less harsh ways.
2. Having said the above, it was unrealistic to expect no crying at all, ever. Mari cries sometimes, in and out of our arms. Sometimes she cries a lot. Sometimes there doesn't seem to be much we can do, at least for a certain period of time. I think letting her cry for up to five minutes at a time between us going in and briefly comforting her is OK. However, I feel bad about letting her go much longer than that, unless her crying is winding down and it sounds like she's on the verge of falling asleep -- which does sometimes happen. However, Mari definitely cries more when she's overtired, and we need to work really hard to prevent her from getting that way, though sometimes it's hard to avoid, especially if her naps are short. For more: http://sleeplittlebaby.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-41-talking-fussing-calling-crying.html
3. Sometimes Mari cries for non-intuitive reasons. Namely, sometimes these days she cries to be put down, not picked up, or because she's not tired, rather than because she is tired. The first was particularly hard to believe at first, because when she was younger, she seemed to constantly fuss to be picked up and she never wanted to be put down. But now that she's gotten used to falling asleep on her own, she often starts to fuss when I'm trying to rock her or sing her lullabies toward the end of her naptime or bedtime routines. She calms down when I put her down. Also, I used to think she fussed before naps or bed because she was tired or overtired. Often this is still the case. But sometimes she fusses because she's just not tired enough to go down. It's harder to tell the difference with this one, but if she doesn't seem to be growing tired and wants to stand up in my lap, she's likely not tired. The only sure test is to stop trying to get her down -- removing her sleep sack, taking her to another room -- and letting her play. If she calms down quickly, she was protesting being put down or wound down when she wasn't ready.
4. Mari's sleepy signs are unreliable, inconsistent and not the usual tired-baby signs. Apparently some babies don't show regular tired signs, or not much. Mari must be one of them. She seldom yawns. She doesn't always show a lull in activity or disinterest in her toys. Instead, the first sign often seems to be apparently increased energy. It's like she's trying to mask her fatigue. She will rub her eyes sometimes, but only after she feeds, and it's a late tired sign. Fatigued fussiness can start without apparent warning. She does often look away from other people, including her dad, but she doesn't tend to look away from me unless her dad has been the one taking care of her and I'm the one who's new on the scene.
5. She needs adequate time to wind down . This may be her temperament, because she has difficulty with transitions. If I want her to sleep at, say, 2 PM, I need to start her naptime routine at least half an hour beforehand. But sometimes, if she's really tired, she will fall asleep quickly, though, so I have to watch to make sure I don't do so much during her naptime/bedtime routines that she gets a second wind.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Day 62: The new, hopefully permanent sleep plan (draft)
(Published on Tuesday, Mar. 23, despite the incorrect date stamp above.)
Over the past two months, I've tried all sorts of things to get Mari to sleep better. Some have worked better than others. I thought they were worthy experiments, but consistency has been a problem. Also, it has taken me some time to work out exactly what I'm comfortable with in terms of crying. This plan is not a strictly no-cry plan, since it allows for up to five minutes of crying or 20 minutes of mild fussing between us going in. (For a discussion of the difference between fussing and crying, see http://sleeplittlebaby.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-41-talking-fussing-calling-crying.html) It isn't a cry-it-out plan either, since we will respond to crying fairly promptly, without trying to stretch out time between responses. However, it does have as a central feature the idea that we will no longer put her to sleep -- she is responsible for falling asleep on her own. So this plan is something of a hybrid between the No-Cry Sleep Solution and Ferberizing, though some elements have been taken from Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and others I've simply made up based on what has worked with Mari so far.
This plan is subject to change after Jon has a close look at it. Feedback from other people is also more than welcome. Once I have that feedback and made changes if necessary, I hope to keep this plan in place more or less permanently, though of course we will change the schedule as Mari grows and her sleep needs change -- and if something really isn't working out, we'll change it. Anyway, here's the draft plan.
1. Schedule: I will impose a schedule of nap times, bedtime and wake times, but with flexibility of up to half an hour on either side for naps, depending on how tired (or not) she seems and how long she slept the last time. I will try my best to maintain a more consistent bedtime, starting the bedtime routine as close to 6:30 as possible every night. If I absolutely have to break the schedule, I will try to get Mari back on track as soon as possible, but I will never wake her up from a nap, except in the unlikely event she naps later than 6:00 PM. The schedule will look like this:
7:00 AM: Up (See point #2)
9:00: Start naptime routine, set down by about 9:20 (see point #3)
9:30(ish): Asleep/quiet time (see point #6)
10:30: Active play time
1:00 PM: Start naptime routine, set down by about 1:20
1:30(ish): Asleep/quiet time
3:00: Active play time
(See point #7 for a discussion of the third nap)
6:30: Start bedtime routine, set down by about 7:20 (see point #4)
7:30(ish): Asleep
2. Morning wake-up time
10. Night wakings and night feedings:
Over the past two months, I've tried all sorts of things to get Mari to sleep better. Some have worked better than others. I thought they were worthy experiments, but consistency has been a problem. Also, it has taken me some time to work out exactly what I'm comfortable with in terms of crying. This plan is not a strictly no-cry plan, since it allows for up to five minutes of crying or 20 minutes of mild fussing between us going in. (For a discussion of the difference between fussing and crying, see http://sleeplittlebaby.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-41-talking-fussing-calling-crying.html) It isn't a cry-it-out plan either, since we will respond to crying fairly promptly, without trying to stretch out time between responses. However, it does have as a central feature the idea that we will no longer put her to sleep -- she is responsible for falling asleep on her own. So this plan is something of a hybrid between the No-Cry Sleep Solution and Ferberizing, though some elements have been taken from Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and others I've simply made up based on what has worked with Mari so far.
This plan is subject to change after Jon has a close look at it. Feedback from other people is also more than welcome. Once I have that feedback and made changes if necessary, I hope to keep this plan in place more or less permanently, though of course we will change the schedule as Mari grows and her sleep needs change -- and if something really isn't working out, we'll change it. Anyway, here's the draft plan.
1. Schedule: I will impose a schedule of nap times, bedtime and wake times, but with flexibility of up to half an hour on either side for naps, depending on how tired (or not) she seems and how long she slept the last time. I will try my best to maintain a more consistent bedtime, starting the bedtime routine as close to 6:30 as possible every night. If I absolutely have to break the schedule, I will try to get Mari back on track as soon as possible, but I will never wake her up from a nap, except in the unlikely event she naps later than 6:00 PM. The schedule will look like this:
7:00 AM: Up (See point #2)
9:00: Start naptime routine, set down by about 9:20 (see point #3)
9:30(ish): Asleep/quiet time (see point #6)
10:30: Active play time
1:00 PM: Start naptime routine, set down by about 1:20
1:30(ish): Asleep/quiet time
3:00: Active play time
(See point #7 for a discussion of the third nap)
6:30: Start bedtime routine, set down by about 7:20 (see point #4)
7:30(ish): Asleep
2. Morning wake-up time
- If Mari wakes up before 5:30 AM, I will treat it as a night waking. (See point #10)
- If Mari wakes up between 5:30 and 6:30, she's vulnerable to not being able to get back to sleep. So at this special time, I will do whatever it takes to get her back down, including nursing (if she hasn't yet had a second night feeding; see point #11) and rocking all the way to sleep.
- If Mari wakes up between 6:30 and 7:00 AM, I will ignore her even if she fusses mildly, keeping her in her crib with the blinds down and lights off, until 7:00. If she starts to full-on cry, I will use the procedures outlined in point #5.
- If Mari wakes up between 7:00 and 8:00, that's fine.
- If by some freak chance Mari hasn't woken up by 8:00, I will wake her up to protect her schedule.
- Trip to potty/change
- Two stories, one in Japanese and one in English (with the option to cut it off at one if she seems really tired)
- Blinds closed, white noise machine on
- Two lullabies while rocking if she lets me rock her, one in Japanese and one in English (with the option to cut it off at one or even part of one if she starts looking like she's going to fall asleep.)
- Put down in crib still awake but drowsy (with the option of putting her down while I'm still singing lullabies)
- Good"night" kiss and leave the room
- Bath
- Massage
- Put on pajamas and disposable diaper
- One to three stories, the last of which is always Goodnight Moon
- Breastfeed (no trip to potty unless she obviously needs to poo or actually does so)
- Up to two lullabies while rocking (see note above)
- Put down in crib still awake but drowsy (with the option of putting her down while I'm still singing lullabies)
- Goodnight kiss and leave the room
- If Mari mildly fusses, I will wait five minutes, then go in for her first check and soothe. This first soothing happens quickly because I want to let her know I haven't abandoned her just because I left the room. However, if it sounds like she's right on the point of falling asleep, I will wait up to five more minutes to see if she can fall asleep on her own.
- When soothing her, I will pick her up, shush her, rock her, stroke her hair, pat her bum -- whatever feels right. However, I will not do any of these things until she falls asleep. If she starts to close her eyes in my arms, I'll put her down immediately. I will avoid talking to her or turning on the light, as I don't want to stimulate her. I will strictly limit time in her room to no more than two minutes and will put her down still fully awake but hopefully calmer. If she doesn't calm down within two minutes, I'll still put her down and leave the room.
- If Mari continues to fuss, not full-on cry, I will check on her at 20-minute intervals, unless it sounds like she is very close to falling asleep at the 20-minute mark, in which case I will wait five more minutes. If the fussing turns into crying, see below.
- For naptime, if an hour has passed since I put her down and she has not fallen asleep, I will let her get up. If she seems really tired and hasn't slept at all, I will take her for a walk, weather permitting, and see if she falls asleep in the stroller or carrier. If the weather is bad, I may or may not take her for a car ride.If she falls asleep in the stroller/carrier/carseat, I will try to maintain the same environment until she wakes up on her own, but I won't try to put her back to sleep again until it's time for her next nap. If I decide not to take her for a car ride but I think she still might fall asleep soon, I will let her play quietly in her crib. If she doesn't want to be in her crib, I'll get her up fully. If she doesn't fall asleep, I'll let her stay up until the early end of the range for her next nap or bedtime.
- At bedtime, I will continue checking on her every 20 minutes indefinitely, as long as she's still fussing, not full-on crying. It's unlikely to ever come to this, though.
- If Mari starts to really cry or scream, sounding very upset, I will still not go in right away, since I don't want her to learn that we'll come running if she screams louder or longer. I will wait two minutes, then go in and soothe her as outlined above. I will still limit time in her room to two minutes.
- If she continues to really cry, I will perform the check and soothe routine at five-minutes intervals. I don't think I'm rewarding her for being louder by going in more often, because my response is still not immediate and because my response will remain the same -- i.e. no rocking all the way to sleep. Also, if she continues to full-on cry despite my best efforts at soothing, I will still put her down after two minutes in her room and let her cry for up to five more minutes. See point #11 for a discussion of if I will nurse her at night.
- If at any point there is a real problem causing her to cry (i.e. she has vomited), I will fix it, even if it takes longer than two minutes and even if I have to turn on a dim light at night. However, once the problem has been fixed and she has calmed down, I will leave the room. I will still avoid rocking her all the way to sleep, though I may have to make temporary exceptions if she's sick or in pain.
- Because there is a continuum between mild fussing and crying, if I'm unsure about which category it falls into, I'll treat it as crying. The point is not to ignore an upset baby -- I want her to know we're here and we will always respond to her quite promptly if she's upset. On the other hand, Mari often seems to need to "talk" or mildly fuss a bit to put herself to sleep, and I don't want to rob her of the opportunity to do so.
- I will go in right away and do anything I can to get her back down, though that will include nursing only if it's an appropriate time to nurse (see point #8) or if she's showing signs of hunger. If she starts to fall asleep in my arms, I will gently put her down. If putting her down upsets her and she doesn't seem to be trying to fall back asleep, I will pick her up again rock her all the way to sleep before trying to put her down. If she wakes up a second time, I will rock her to sleep again. If she wakes up a third time, I'll let her stay up for quiet time.
- If after 10 minutes of soothing, it seems like there's no way she'll go back down, or if I have tried and failed twice to put her down, I'll give her some toys and let her play quietly alone in the crib. I will keep the blinds down and white noise machine on until the end of quiet time as per the schedule in point #1.
- If I started the naptime routine earlier or later than usual, quiet time is to last an hour from the time I put her down.
It appears Mari has pretty much given up her late afternoon nap. However, if she seems really tired around when she used to have her third nap (between 4:00 and 5:30), I will take her upstairs and perform the naptime routine as fast as possible.If she falls asleep, great. If she fusses, I will do a check and soothe at the five-minute mark, then again if necessary after another 10 minutes, not 20 (five minutes, as always, if she full-on cries). If at that point she doesn't seem likely to fall asleep, I will give her quiet time in her crib, with toys, for another 15 minutes, for a total of 30 minutes of quiet time. If she doesn't fall asleep but doesn't fuss either, I'll let her be for a total of 30 minutes of quiet time.If she never seems tired enough to go down for a third nap, I won't worry about it and won't try to institute a late-afternoon quiet time.If she does fall asleep, I will limit the third nap to a maximum of one hour, or until 6:00 PM, whichever comes first.If she starts to seem really tired between 5:30 and 6:30 PM, I'll start her bedtime routine a little early instead of trying to give her a third nap.
- I will feed her soon after she wakes up in the morning, then every three hours or so thereafter during the day, sooner if she shows signs of hunger.
- If she refuses to nurse on the three-hour mark, I will wait half an hour and offer the boob again. If she shows signs of hunger before that, I will offer the boob sooner.
- If it has been more than two hours since she last ate and she's about to go for an outing or down for a nap, I will offer her the boob before the outing or nap.
- If she refuses to nurse before a nap, I won't worry about it and will put her down for the nap regardless.
- I will try to avoid lengthy outings if she hasn't eaten beforehand (a short outing is OK) because she's too easily distracted these days to nurse in public.
10. Night wakings and night feedings:
- If Mari starts to mildly fuss (not cry) at night, I will let her fuss alone for up to 10 (not five) minutes or until fussing turns into crying. If necessary, I will encourage Jon to put in his earplugs and shut the door while I go to the guest room with the door open so I can accurately gauge the quality of her cries.
- After 10 minutes of fussing, I will do a check and soothe as outlined in point #5 OR feed her as outlined in point #11.
- If it isn't an appropriate time for a feeding, I will let her mildly fuss for 20 minutes before doing another check and soothe if necessary.
- If she starts to really cry, I will wait two minutes the first time, then do a check and soothe OR feed her as outlined in point #11.
- If she continues to full-on cry and it isn't an appropriate time for a feeding, I will check and soothe once every five minutes.
- If she has been full-on crying for a total of 15 minutes, despite two soothing sessions in the middle, and it's within an hour of a normally acceptable time for a feed (i.e. four hours since she was put down or two hours since her last night feeding), I will feed her.
- I will feed her no more than twice at night. Her first feeding can be a full one and can occur anytime after she has been down for a minimum of five hours. Her second feeding can occur anytime after she has been down for a minimum of three hours after her first feeding.
- I will make exceptions to the above if she has been crying hard for 15 minutes as outlined above, or if she is going through a growth spurt or teething. In those cases, I will feed up to three times a night. However, after the growth spurt or teething is over, I will return to a maximum of two night feedings.
- I AM RESCINDING ALL POINTS FROM HERE ON DOWN:
I am spending this month (from seven to eight months old) trying to wean her from the second night feeding, on the following schedule: Mar. 20-27: I will offer only one breast at the second night feeding. If she fusses for more than 10 minutes after I put her down or wakes up again within 30 minutes of getting the first breast, I will offer the second breast.Mar. 27-Apr. 3: I will offer only one breast at the second night feeding. If she fusses for more than 10 minutes after I put her down or wakes up again within 30 minutes after getting the first breast, I will offer the second breast, but I will limit her time on it to seven minutes the first night, six the second night, five the third night, etc.Apr. 3-10: I will offer only one breast at the second night feeding. If she fusses or wakes up again I will use only my check and soothe techniques to try to get her back to sleep.Apr. 10-20: I will start to limit time on the first breast to 10 minutes the first night, nine minutes the second night, and so on.I will try to wean her from the first (and hopefully by then only) night feeding in a similar way between the eight-month mark and the nine-month mark.
Day 60: Taking stock
Wow, it has been 60 days since I started the No-Cry Sleep Solution. While I don't consider Mari's sleep issues 100% "solved," her sleep habits have improved out of sight. Two months ago:
- She was waking up about a dozen times a night
- Her longest sleep stretch was typically about two hours
- She had to be rocked (or occasionally nursed) to sleep each and every time
- She rarely napped outside her sling; if she did, she had to co-nap snuggled up to me or Jon. At night she slept in our bed. (Please note I don't consider co-sleeping necessarily a problem for everyone at all times -- we loved it when Mari was younger. But it was becoming a problem for both us and her.)
- She typically wakes up just once a night to feed. Sometimes we hear her "talking" or fussing a bit other than for that one feeding, but she usually manages to put herself back to sleep within a few minutes.
- Her longest sleep stretch typically ranges from about five to nine hours; occasionally we have had up to 11.
- She sleeps and naps alone in her crib and doesn't seem to have a problem with it
- She no longer has to be rocked to sleep; after a relaxing bedtime/naptime routine (including brief rocking but not all the way to sleep) she goes into her crib awake and usually falls asleep fairly quickly (though that still varies, especially for naptime).
- I still think Mari generally needs to nap more. She's often tired and cranky in the late afternoon, but it seems like she's really and truly giving up the late-afternoon nap because she just will not take that nap anymore (though for now I will continue to try to get her down if she does seem tired, on the off chance she actually manages to fall asleep). On days when she has good morning and early-afternoon naps, she isn't cranky, or not until it's pretty much bedtime anyway. But if one of those naps is short, or worse, both are, watch out!
- Lately the morning nap has been the biggest problem. She really does best when she naps at least an hour, preferably an hour and a half, in both the morning and early afternoon. But she often wakes up from her morning nap after not much more than 30 minutes, and she won't go back down.
- Sometimes, particularly in the afternoon, I still rock her back to sleep after a premature nap waking. I am somewhat torn on this. I don't want to continue this practice, but I do it if I go in and she still seems obviously sleepy. If she doesn't fall back asleep quickly or seems to be waking up good and proper I abandon the attempt. Maybe I need to have more faith in her ability to put herself back to sleep, even from naps. But my fear is that if she wakes herself up completely she won't be able to go back to sleep even though she needs the sleep, and she'll be a mess.
- She's still highly unpredictable in terms of when she will nap and for how long. However, her morning wake-up time and night going-to-bed time have become more consistent.
- Occasionally, though, she wakes up really early and won't go back to sleep. I don't really know what to do about that.
- Our doctor says Mari doesn't really need night feedings anymore. She wants Mari completely weaned from them by the time she's nine months, which is also the age Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child author Marc Weissbluth says is the limit for needing night feedings. I am now trying to restrict her to one night feeding, usually successfully, and will continue to do so. But I'm not going to start trying to night wean her completely until she's eight months.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Day 50: Why does every damn book say something different?
I'm not very far into Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems (Dr. Richard Ferber) yet, but already I've noticed how much different books differ in what they say even on basic facts about sleep.
Let's take the amount of sleep a six-month-old should get.
According to the No-Cry Sleep Solution: 2 naps a day, 3-4 naptime hours, 10-11 nighttime sleep hours, 14-15 hours total. (According to the No-Cry Nap Solution, by the same author just a few years later, six-month olds should get 2-3 naps, not necessarily just two.)
According to Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, from 4-11 months, a baby needs an average of 14.25 hours of total sleep, including about 3.5 hours of nap sleep and 11 hours of nighttime sleep. The vast majority of six-month-olds take only two naps.
According to Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems, a six-month-old only needs an average of 12.5 hours of total sleep, including 9.25 hours of night sleep and 3.25 hours of nap sleep broken into two or three chunks.
That's a pretty big difference in the recommendations, especially with the last one. Also, HSHHC says a baby about this age should be starting the morning nap around 9 AM and the early-afternoon nap around 1 PM. But SYCSP recommends the first nap start between 9:30 and and 10:30 AM, and the afternoon one between 2 and 3 PM.
What am I supposed to do with all these conflicting recommendations?
Today: Mari had tremendous difficulty going down for her naps, especially the morning one. I started extra early trying to get her down in the morning, since I thought maybe she's been overtired the last several mornings, which was why she fussed so much before going down for her nap. So I tried from 8 AM to 10 AM to get her down. She did nothing but fuss. Finally Jon was able to get her down at about 10:40 and she only slept for 35 minutes. In the afternoon, I tried to get her back on track by putting her down at 1 PM. She didn't go down until about 2:15, though this time she slept an hour and 50 minutes. She skipped her evening nap and was down for the night by about 7:15. So maybe there's something to Dr. Ferber's recommended naptimes, though I hesitate to draw conclusions from just one day.
Let's take the amount of sleep a six-month-old should get.
According to the No-Cry Sleep Solution: 2 naps a day, 3-4 naptime hours, 10-11 nighttime sleep hours, 14-15 hours total. (According to the No-Cry Nap Solution, by the same author just a few years later, six-month olds should get 2-3 naps, not necessarily just two.)
According to Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, from 4-11 months, a baby needs an average of 14.25 hours of total sleep, including about 3.5 hours of nap sleep and 11 hours of nighttime sleep. The vast majority of six-month-olds take only two naps.
According to Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems, a six-month-old only needs an average of 12.5 hours of total sleep, including 9.25 hours of night sleep and 3.25 hours of nap sleep broken into two or three chunks.
That's a pretty big difference in the recommendations, especially with the last one. Also, HSHHC says a baby about this age should be starting the morning nap around 9 AM and the early-afternoon nap around 1 PM. But SYCSP recommends the first nap start between 9:30 and and 10:30 AM, and the afternoon one between 2 and 3 PM.
What am I supposed to do with all these conflicting recommendations?
Today: Mari had tremendous difficulty going down for her naps, especially the morning one. I started extra early trying to get her down in the morning, since I thought maybe she's been overtired the last several mornings, which was why she fussed so much before going down for her nap. So I tried from 8 AM to 10 AM to get her down. She did nothing but fuss. Finally Jon was able to get her down at about 10:40 and she only slept for 35 minutes. In the afternoon, I tried to get her back on track by putting her down at 1 PM. She didn't go down until about 2:15, though this time she slept an hour and 50 minutes. She skipped her evening nap and was down for the night by about 7:15. So maybe there's something to Dr. Ferber's recommended naptimes, though I hesitate to draw conclusions from just one day.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Day 48: Crying it out AKA the hardest hour of my life (excluding labour)
This may seem abrupt, since just yesterday I was saying I wouldn't do it, but I have decided to try crying it out, though I still feel somewhat conflicted about the decision.
I made the decision after a bit of an epiphany yesterday: Mari keeps herself up even when she's tired so she can interact with me, as long as I'm in the room. I was trying to get her down for a third nap and she kept yawning and closing her eyes but as soon as her eyelids met, she'd yank them open again and start trying to grope my face, stare at me, make noise and do everything she could think of to try to keep me playing with her. I spent nearly an hour trying to put her to sleep and despite her obvious fatigue she ended up skipping that nap entirely. She barely napped yesterday and was a mess overall. She woke up quite a lot in the middle of the night too.
Another realization is that when Mari wants to cry, she can cry for ages even in our arms. She cried for the best part of an hour yesterday morning in my arms, and for another half hour or so at night, in Jon's arms, until she actually threw up. So not only is she upset anyway, she's not learning to self-soothe, and her crying is particularly stressful to us, seeing as she's screaming in our ears. That's not helpful to anybody.
So I decided to start with her morning nap today. She woke up at 6:30, and I started her naptime routine around 7:45 (I'd meant to start 15 minutes sooner but Jon took the morning shift because I was so tired from the multiple night wakings). I fed her, pottied her and read her one of her shortest books, since she was starting to rub her eyes. Then I sang her usual lullaby and rocked her. But this time I set a 20-minute time limit for rocking/soothing. This is considerably longer than the "several minutes" recommended in Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, but Mari is a baby who has always had difficulty with transitions. I really hoped she'd fall asleep within those 20 minutes so I wouldn't have to employ CIO after all. But she kept waking herself up to fuss and try to get me to interact with her. She seemed unhappy in my arms, unhappy when I set her down and unhappy when I picked her back up.
The 20 minutes passed, it was 8:20, and time was up. I set her down and closed the door. I'd decided I'd leave her for up to an hour, as the book recommends. It was the hardest hour of my life excluding labour.
At first, she just talked to herself for a bit, and I hoped she'd manage to put herself to sleep quickly, since she was so obviously tired. But the talking quickly turned into fussing, which turned into crying. It was incredibly hard not to go pick her up.
Mari proved her persistence again. She was still crying at about 9:18 and I decided I'd just go to the bathroom before I went to pick her up. Then, while I was there, she was quiet for a few minutes. I hoped she'd finally fallen asleep, but then the sobbing started up again. So I went into her room. I found her on her belly, head down. She didn't even seem to notice me come in, she was so exhausted. She sobbed a little more, so I went over and gently stroked her hair and said "shh." I'm still not sure if she noticed my presence. Within two minutes, she was out cold. She slept for an hour and 45 minutes without my having to go in and put her back to sleep.
She didn't seem mad at me when she woke up or anything. For her afternoon nap, she went down with very little fussing, maybe because she finally wasn't overtired anymore. So maybe there's merit to this after all. But I don't know if I can take an hour like this again. I think for at least the next week I will employ this strategy only in the morning, and only if she doesn't fall asleep within 20 minutes of soothing. Maybe after a week I'll also use the same strategy for the afternoon nap and cut rocking/soothing time to 15 minutes. And a week after that I'll also use it for the late afternoon nap (if a third nap is necessary) and cut rocking/soothing time to 10 minutes, where it will stay. Hopefully she'll learn to put herself to sleep more quickly and with less crying.
I made the decision after a bit of an epiphany yesterday: Mari keeps herself up even when she's tired so she can interact with me, as long as I'm in the room. I was trying to get her down for a third nap and she kept yawning and closing her eyes but as soon as her eyelids met, she'd yank them open again and start trying to grope my face, stare at me, make noise and do everything she could think of to try to keep me playing with her. I spent nearly an hour trying to put her to sleep and despite her obvious fatigue she ended up skipping that nap entirely. She barely napped yesterday and was a mess overall. She woke up quite a lot in the middle of the night too.
Another realization is that when Mari wants to cry, she can cry for ages even in our arms. She cried for the best part of an hour yesterday morning in my arms, and for another half hour or so at night, in Jon's arms, until she actually threw up. So not only is she upset anyway, she's not learning to self-soothe, and her crying is particularly stressful to us, seeing as she's screaming in our ears. That's not helpful to anybody.
So I decided to start with her morning nap today. She woke up at 6:30, and I started her naptime routine around 7:45 (I'd meant to start 15 minutes sooner but Jon took the morning shift because I was so tired from the multiple night wakings). I fed her, pottied her and read her one of her shortest books, since she was starting to rub her eyes. Then I sang her usual lullaby and rocked her. But this time I set a 20-minute time limit for rocking/soothing. This is considerably longer than the "several minutes" recommended in Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, but Mari is a baby who has always had difficulty with transitions. I really hoped she'd fall asleep within those 20 minutes so I wouldn't have to employ CIO after all. But she kept waking herself up to fuss and try to get me to interact with her. She seemed unhappy in my arms, unhappy when I set her down and unhappy when I picked her back up.
The 20 minutes passed, it was 8:20, and time was up. I set her down and closed the door. I'd decided I'd leave her for up to an hour, as the book recommends. It was the hardest hour of my life excluding labour.
At first, she just talked to herself for a bit, and I hoped she'd manage to put herself to sleep quickly, since she was so obviously tired. But the talking quickly turned into fussing, which turned into crying. It was incredibly hard not to go pick her up.
Mari proved her persistence again. She was still crying at about 9:18 and I decided I'd just go to the bathroom before I went to pick her up. Then, while I was there, she was quiet for a few minutes. I hoped she'd finally fallen asleep, but then the sobbing started up again. So I went into her room. I found her on her belly, head down. She didn't even seem to notice me come in, she was so exhausted. She sobbed a little more, so I went over and gently stroked her hair and said "shh." I'm still not sure if she noticed my presence. Within two minutes, she was out cold. She slept for an hour and 45 minutes without my having to go in and put her back to sleep.
She didn't seem mad at me when she woke up or anything. For her afternoon nap, she went down with very little fussing, maybe because she finally wasn't overtired anymore. So maybe there's merit to this after all. But I don't know if I can take an hour like this again. I think for at least the next week I will employ this strategy only in the morning, and only if she doesn't fall asleep within 20 minutes of soothing. Maybe after a week I'll also use the same strategy for the afternoon nap and cut rocking/soothing time to 15 minutes. And a week after that I'll also use it for the late afternoon nap (if a third nap is necessary) and cut rocking/soothing time to 10 minutes, where it will stay. Hopefully she'll learn to put herself to sleep more quickly and with less crying.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Day 44: Top 10 things I have learned in the last six weeks or so
While Mari's sleep habits are nowhere near perfect, they are certainly a lot better. And while I continue to learn, these are the most important things I think have worked so far to help improve her sleep. Some are derived from the No-Cry Sleep Solution, some are from Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, and some are of my own invention. These points are roughly in order of importance, in my opinion. Of course, every baby is different, even babies at the same age, but from what I understand from my research, these are points that would help most, if not all babies.
1. Trust your baby. One of the hardest things for me to wrap my mind around is that Mari has often proven herself capable of more than I have expected. Maybe it's because babies grow and change so fast. I tend to think rules that applied a few weeks ago as still applicable, but often that's not been the case. The biggest thing for me was getting over the idea that Mari would never be able to put herself to sleep, because there was a time when that was true. The first time I left her alone in her room still awake, if very drowsy, I was afraid she'd freak out and it would then take me forever to get her to sleep. Instead, she "talked" for a little while and then there was blessed silence.
2. Trust yourself. Another hard thing for me has been to weed through all the contradictory things all the different books say and pick out what I think will work for us. Consistency is important, yes, but sometimes I've have to do a bit of experimenting to find out what does work. Once I've found it, I've been trying to be consistent yet flexible -- i.e. if something disrupts her routine. It's a hard line to walk, and sometimes I have to stop and tell myself I'm a good mom and I know my child best.
3. You do have to alter your life to fit your baby's sleep needs. Being well-rested during the day is crucial to a good night's sleep, and an older baby isn't going to be well-rested if she's not home and in a sleep-inducing environment at consistent times. I miss the days of newborn portability, when Mari could nap anywhere, at any time. But those days are gone and I have to accept it. So I have to keep any outings short and be strict about it. Yes, it's a bit of a pain for me. But a decently rested baby is so worth it and it makes for better rested parents too.
4. Not every cry is the same and not every sound from a baby necessitates an immediate response. Leaving a baby to fuss for a bit is not the same as crying it out. For more: http://sleeplittlebaby.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-41-talking-fussing-calling-crying.html
5. Your child's temperament will affect his/her sleep habits and your responses to them. Some babies might be able to set and stick to a schedule on their own. Others will not. Some babies will cry very persistently, others will not. Some need a lot of cuddling, others don't like it. For more: http://sleeplittlebaby.blogspot.com/2010/02/day-36-temperament-and-sleep.html
6. By about six months at the latest, natural sleepy times develop, even in an irregular child, according to Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child author Dr. Marc Weissbluth. If one nap is short or skipped it may be better to keep the baby awake until the next naptime, to keep the baby on some sort of schedule, though that needs to be balanced with the need not to get the baby too overtired. The morning nap should start between 9-10 and the afternoon nap, between 12 and 2. For Mari, her morning nap has been starting around 8:30 to 9 and her afternoon nap around 1-ish. A third nap is variable, according to Weissbluth. Mari's has been around 5-ish and she's OK with it only being half an hour if the first two have been long enough. I have been having an easier time convincing her to nap around these natural sleepy times than I did strictly watching the clock to make sure she was up exactly, say, two hours and 15 minutes between naps.
7. The first nap of the day is crucial, and needs to start no more than two hours after the wake-up time. Apparently the morning nap is something of a continuation of night sleep, with plenty of REM sleep. I have found the morning nap sets the tone for the whole day. If Mari is sleeping again within two hours of waking up, she goes down more easily and is more likely to sleep longer. If the morning nap turns out to be shorter than an hour, she'll have a crankier day and will tend to wake up more easily from her naps. However, for some reason it's harder to get her back to sleep if she wakes up prematurely from her morning nap than from afternoon naps. This is something I'm still struggling with -- today, her morning nap was only 40 minutes and I couldn't get her back down. Lo and behold, she was a bit cranky.
8. A parent's presence can be a hindrance, not a help, in getting to sleep. Mari has always been a bit clingy, and my presence can reassure her if she's upset. However, my being around once she's calm at night seems to often delay her falling asleep, because she'd rather interact with me than sleep. However, at naptime, it's harder for me to leave the room, because she's more awake and gets upset if I leave. Having her put herself to sleep for naps is still something we need to work on.
9. A comfortable, sleep-inducing environment is important. Mari has started napping a bit better since I put the blackout fabric on the other side of the bamboo blinds. However, it's still not a very dark room and sometimes I regret not having bought black blackout fabric. On the other hand, I don't want to train her into only being able to sleep in a bat cave. Other environmental things that help: a white noise machine that stays on all night long (we have one on a timer too but she often wakes up when it turns off), removing all toys from the crib (wasn't necessary a few weeks ago, but it is now -- she's more aggressive about getting at them and more active in her sleep -- I usually put her down on her back, head to the left, and very often she wakes up on her tummy, head to the right).
10. It's normal for breastfed babies to wake up once or twice a night to feed until the age of 9 months, according to Dr. Weissbluth. Knowing this has helped me be OK with one or two night wakings and responding fairly promptly with feeding.
Near-future posts: ideas I have not found useful, ideas that may or may not be working, things I have learned specifically about Mari.
1. Trust your baby. One of the hardest things for me to wrap my mind around is that Mari has often proven herself capable of more than I have expected. Maybe it's because babies grow and change so fast. I tend to think rules that applied a few weeks ago as still applicable, but often that's not been the case. The biggest thing for me was getting over the idea that Mari would never be able to put herself to sleep, because there was a time when that was true. The first time I left her alone in her room still awake, if very drowsy, I was afraid she'd freak out and it would then take me forever to get her to sleep. Instead, she "talked" for a little while and then there was blessed silence.
2. Trust yourself. Another hard thing for me has been to weed through all the contradictory things all the different books say and pick out what I think will work for us. Consistency is important, yes, but sometimes I've have to do a bit of experimenting to find out what does work. Once I've found it, I've been trying to be consistent yet flexible -- i.e. if something disrupts her routine. It's a hard line to walk, and sometimes I have to stop and tell myself I'm a good mom and I know my child best.
3. You do have to alter your life to fit your baby's sleep needs. Being well-rested during the day is crucial to a good night's sleep, and an older baby isn't going to be well-rested if she's not home and in a sleep-inducing environment at consistent times. I miss the days of newborn portability, when Mari could nap anywhere, at any time. But those days are gone and I have to accept it. So I have to keep any outings short and be strict about it. Yes, it's a bit of a pain for me. But a decently rested baby is so worth it and it makes for better rested parents too.
4. Not every cry is the same and not every sound from a baby necessitates an immediate response. Leaving a baby to fuss for a bit is not the same as crying it out. For more: http://sleeplittlebaby.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-41-talking-fussing-calling-crying.html
5. Your child's temperament will affect his/her sleep habits and your responses to them. Some babies might be able to set and stick to a schedule on their own. Others will not. Some babies will cry very persistently, others will not. Some need a lot of cuddling, others don't like it. For more: http://sleeplittlebaby.blogspot.com/2010/02/day-36-temperament-and-sleep.html
6. By about six months at the latest, natural sleepy times develop, even in an irregular child, according to Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child author Dr. Marc Weissbluth. If one nap is short or skipped it may be better to keep the baby awake until the next naptime, to keep the baby on some sort of schedule, though that needs to be balanced with the need not to get the baby too overtired. The morning nap should start between 9-10 and the afternoon nap, between 12 and 2. For Mari, her morning nap has been starting around 8:30 to 9 and her afternoon nap around 1-ish. A third nap is variable, according to Weissbluth. Mari's has been around 5-ish and she's OK with it only being half an hour if the first two have been long enough. I have been having an easier time convincing her to nap around these natural sleepy times than I did strictly watching the clock to make sure she was up exactly, say, two hours and 15 minutes between naps.
7. The first nap of the day is crucial, and needs to start no more than two hours after the wake-up time. Apparently the morning nap is something of a continuation of night sleep, with plenty of REM sleep. I have found the morning nap sets the tone for the whole day. If Mari is sleeping again within two hours of waking up, she goes down more easily and is more likely to sleep longer. If the morning nap turns out to be shorter than an hour, she'll have a crankier day and will tend to wake up more easily from her naps. However, for some reason it's harder to get her back to sleep if she wakes up prematurely from her morning nap than from afternoon naps. This is something I'm still struggling with -- today, her morning nap was only 40 minutes and I couldn't get her back down. Lo and behold, she was a bit cranky.
8. A parent's presence can be a hindrance, not a help, in getting to sleep. Mari has always been a bit clingy, and my presence can reassure her if she's upset. However, my being around once she's calm at night seems to often delay her falling asleep, because she'd rather interact with me than sleep. However, at naptime, it's harder for me to leave the room, because she's more awake and gets upset if I leave. Having her put herself to sleep for naps is still something we need to work on.
9. A comfortable, sleep-inducing environment is important. Mari has started napping a bit better since I put the blackout fabric on the other side of the bamboo blinds. However, it's still not a very dark room and sometimes I regret not having bought black blackout fabric. On the other hand, I don't want to train her into only being able to sleep in a bat cave. Other environmental things that help: a white noise machine that stays on all night long (we have one on a timer too but she often wakes up when it turns off), removing all toys from the crib (wasn't necessary a few weeks ago, but it is now -- she's more aggressive about getting at them and more active in her sleep -- I usually put her down on her back, head to the left, and very often she wakes up on her tummy, head to the right).
10. It's normal for breastfed babies to wake up once or twice a night to feed until the age of 9 months, according to Dr. Weissbluth. Knowing this has helped me be OK with one or two night wakings and responding fairly promptly with feeding.
Near-future posts: ideas I have not found useful, ideas that may or may not be working, things I have learned specifically about Mari.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Day 32: Wonder Week 26 and still overtired
Mari had her roughest night of sleep in awhile last night, though the last few days haven't been very good. Thinking about it, I realized she is now in her 26th week, which is one of the "wonder weeks" when babies make developmental leaps and tend to be fussier, including not sleeping as well. During this fussy period, which will probably last about a month, Mari will learn about the relationships of things with each other, including distance -- including realizing that I can quickly put distance between myself and her, an idea she won't like. For more on wonder weeks, see http://www.thewonderweeks.com/ or read the book by that name, by Hetty van de Rijt and Frans X. Plooij.
I read The Wonder Weeks some time ago, but I've just started reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth (http://www.amazon.ca/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0449004023). While the No-Cry Sleep Solution has provided me with plenty of ideas to change Mari's poor sleep habits, Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child has really helped me understand how baby sleep works. It has also helped me understand that the tired signs I've been looking for -- rubbing eyes, fussing -- are actually overtired signs. I've really got to catch Mari when she's losing interest in her toys, looking away, slowing down, calming down, and put her down right away, before she starts rubbing her eyes and fussing.
Another thing I've learned from Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child is that according to Weissbluth's definition, Mari had colic after all. Mari was certainly very fussy as a younger baby. But I didn't think of it as true colic because she didn't actually cry for hours every night. However, she did fuss for hours on end, and if she wasn't crying it was because I was trying very hard to soothe her. Weissbluth's definion of colic is:
- Parent has to spend more than three hours a day soothing the baby
- This happens at least three days a week
- Goes on for at least three weeks
To all the above, I can unequivocally say Mari applied. We spent probably four to seven hours a day, seven days a week, for most of the first three months, trying to calm her or keep her calm. According to Weissbluth, a baby who had colic will have to learn to sleep differently than did a baby who never had colic. I haven't gotten far enough in the book yet to find out what the differences are, though.
I read The Wonder Weeks some time ago, but I've just started reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth (http://www.amazon.ca/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0449004023). While the No-Cry Sleep Solution has provided me with plenty of ideas to change Mari's poor sleep habits, Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child has really helped me understand how baby sleep works. It has also helped me understand that the tired signs I've been looking for -- rubbing eyes, fussing -- are actually overtired signs. I've really got to catch Mari when she's losing interest in her toys, looking away, slowing down, calming down, and put her down right away, before she starts rubbing her eyes and fussing.
Another thing I've learned from Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child is that according to Weissbluth's definition, Mari had colic after all. Mari was certainly very fussy as a younger baby. But I didn't think of it as true colic because she didn't actually cry for hours every night. However, she did fuss for hours on end, and if she wasn't crying it was because I was trying very hard to soothe her. Weissbluth's definion of colic is:
- Parent has to spend more than three hours a day soothing the baby
- This happens at least three days a week
- Goes on for at least three weeks
To all the above, I can unequivocally say Mari applied. We spent probably four to seven hours a day, seven days a week, for most of the first three months, trying to calm her or keep her calm. According to Weissbluth, a baby who had colic will have to learn to sleep differently than did a baby who never had colic. I haven't gotten far enough in the book yet to find out what the differences are, though.
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