Despite all the sleep problems Mari has had, going to sleep at night has seldom been one of them. Going to sleep for naps, yes. Waking up at night, yes. But she has seldom had trouble falling asleep at night, since she's tired then. Now, all of a sudden it's a huge problem. She still seems as tired as ever. She's still napping at more or less her usual times, though she woke up after only 40 minutes this morning and wouldn't go back down. We haven't changed the bedtime routine or her bedtime. So why is she spending so much time getting upset before she finally falls asleep? I'm mystified.
I do definitely think we're in a sleep regression. We're close to the 37-week "Wonder Week" so that may be part of it. I don't know if she's teething -- I can never tell. I'm afraid I haven't figured out a consistent strategy yet -- I'm alternating periods of letting her cry for 5-10 minutes with going in and soothing her, but she doesn't seem very soothed by anything I do. I'm at wit's end.
I know Mari's overtired and what she needs is more sleep. But I don't know how to get her more sleep. She won't go down for naps if she's not tired enough, and she keeps waking up before she should, both in the morning and from naps. How do I stop the cycle?
Showing posts with label wonder weeks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wonder weeks. Show all posts
Friday, May 14, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Day 93: Teething? Growth spurt? Wonder week? Or just plain fussy?
Mari has become fussier than usual again for the last several days, and I can't quite tell why. When she cries, she's screaming louder. She's having more difficulty going down without a fuss. Though we really have been trying to keep her to her usual schedule, she seems more sensitive to the slightest variation.
Also, though it used to be that she almost never woke up before about 1 AM, for the last couple of nights in a row, she has been waking up after only a few hours of sleep and screaming at the top of her lungs. The only way I've been able to get her to calm down has been through nursing. She has drank greedily from the boob at those times, making me think maybe it's a growth spurt. She has been eating more during the day too.
But tonight, though I nursed her and put her down, and she was quiet for awhile, she soon started crying again. Jon is upstairs with her as I write this. So maybe something other than hunger is bugging her -- maybe her teeth. Mari has been sucking on things and drooling like crazy. However, she has been doing that since she was about three months old, and she just got her first two bottom teeth recently. A few days ago I thought I felt swelling in her upper gums, but now it seems to be gone. So how do I tell if it's teething or not?
Another thought is that Mari is coming up to Wonder Week 37 (though she's currently 35.5 weeks). (For more on Wonder Weeks, see the book by that name or the brief overview here.) She certainly is crankier, clingier and having more trouble sleeping, so that would fit.
But what this comes down to is that I feel like I have no clue as to what's going on with my kid. Sigh.
Also, though it used to be that she almost never woke up before about 1 AM, for the last couple of nights in a row, she has been waking up after only a few hours of sleep and screaming at the top of her lungs. The only way I've been able to get her to calm down has been through nursing. She has drank greedily from the boob at those times, making me think maybe it's a growth spurt. She has been eating more during the day too.
But tonight, though I nursed her and put her down, and she was quiet for awhile, she soon started crying again. Jon is upstairs with her as I write this. So maybe something other than hunger is bugging her -- maybe her teeth. Mari has been sucking on things and drooling like crazy. However, she has been doing that since she was about three months old, and she just got her first two bottom teeth recently. A few days ago I thought I felt swelling in her upper gums, but now it seems to be gone. So how do I tell if it's teething or not?
Another thought is that Mari is coming up to Wonder Week 37 (though she's currently 35.5 weeks). (For more on Wonder Weeks, see the book by that name or the brief overview here.) She certainly is crankier, clingier and having more trouble sleeping, so that would fit.
But what this comes down to is that I feel like I have no clue as to what's going on with my kid. Sigh.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Day 38: Imposing a schedule, of sorts
I've been trying to respond promptly to Mari's cues and keeping track of when she sleeps for quite awhile now in hopes a pattern would emerge. Unfortunately, the only conclusion I've come to is that Mari is highly unpredictable and has little or no internal rhythm of her own.
She wakes up wide awake and ready to play anytime between 2:30 AM and 8 AM, though of course with the earlier times I try really hard to get her back to sleep, though it often takes up to an hour and a half. Her nap number ranges from two to five, though three is most normal. She has gone to bed as early as 5:30 PM and not until nearly 9 PM. Her morning nap has started as early as 7:40 and as late as 10:10. Her nap lengths vary from 20 minutes to three hours.
Having learned a little more about temperament, I can conclude that Mari is a highly irregular baby and will not put herself on a schedule no matter how long I wait and keep track of what she does. So I've decided I have to impose one.
No, Jon, I'm not going to be inflexible about this. Because I'm going to try to balance establishing a schedule with making sure Mari gets enough rest and isn't overtired, it may take a long time for her to get the idea. Nonetheless, I'm going to try. Someone has to set her circadian clock.
The key is going to be establishing quiet times and active times. Ideally she will sleep during the quiet times and play during the active times, but if not, she will play quietly during the quiet times and nap in a brighter, noisier environment during the active times.
The ideal schedule will be as follows:
7:30 AM - Up, active play
8:15 - Naptime routine (feed, potty, story, lullaby and rocking, down)
9:00 - Nap/quiet time
11:00 - Active play
12:15 PM - Naptime routine
1:00 - Nap/quiet time
2:30 - Active play
3:45 - Naptime routine
4:30 - Nap/quiet time
5:30 - Active play/suppertime
6:30 - Bedtime routine (feed, potty, bath, massage, 2 stories, lullaby and rocking, down)
7:30 - Sleep
Of course, Mari won't follow the ideal schedule exactly. So I have the following contingency guidelines:
- If Mari wakes up from a nap while it's still naptime, I will try my hardest to get her back down. If after 20 minutes of rocking and soothing, she won't go back down and it's still naptime, I will let her play quietly in her crib for up to 20 minutes or until she shows tired signs. Then I will try again, until she goes down or until it's active time.
- If Mari wakes up while it's still naptime and I'm able to get her back down, but she wakes up again I'll try a second time to get her back down -- and this time I'll rock her all the way to sleep. At all other times I will endeavour to rock her only until she's drowsy and put her down still awake. If she wakes up a third time while it's still naptime I'll let her play quietly in her crib until it's active time.
- If Mari shows signs of fatigue during active time, I will immediately stop what I'm doing and put her to bed. I won't do the whole naptime routine -- no feed, no potty, no story. Just lullaby and rocking.
- For naps during active time, I will not try super-hard to be quiet. I will walk around, flush the toilet, etc, though I won't actively try to disrupt her sleep. I will close only the blind over her crib, not the one over the roof, unless it's very sunny, in which case I'll close the bamboo part of the blind only, not the blackout fabric. For naps during quiet time, I will close both blinds and I will try to be as quiet as possible.
- If Mari wakes up from a short nap during active time I won't try to put her back to sleep unless she's very fussy and obviously tired and continues to be for more than a few minutes.
- For most naps, even if they go into the next scheduled time, I will not wake her up or disturb her. However, if the last nap of the day goes beyond 6:30 PM, I will go into the room, walk around, open the blinds, turn off the white noise machine. If that doesn't wake her up I'll try again in another 10 minutes. By 6:45 at the latest, I will actively wake her up by picking her up.
- During active time, Mari will play downstairs, not in her crib. I will try to play actively with her as much as possible, though I don't promise to do so all the time.
- If Mari is happily playing in her crib during quiet time, I will either leave her alone in her room or sit in the chair and read, interacting with her only minimally, if at all -- looks and smiles, no talking.
- If Mari is playing in her crib during quiet time, I will provide only her lovey and perhaps one other toy at my discretion, and she will be facing the direction she faces to sleep, unless there's less than 15 minutes remaining in her quiet time, in which case she can play with whatever she wants, facing whichever direction, as long as she stays in her crib.
- If Mari starts to fuss when I've left her alone to play in her crib during quiet time, I'll take this as a sign she's tired and will try again to put her down for a nap.
- If Mari naps during active time, I will nonetheless try to put her down for her next nap on schedule, unless she has woken up less than half an hour before the naptime routine is supposed to begin. If the latter is the case, I'll let her play actively for 30 minutes before beginning the naptime routine. If she seems wide awake even then, I will use the time normally allotted for the naptime routine as a transitional time. I will feed her if she'll eat, read her stories, play with her very quietly until she starts to lose steam or until the actual nap is supposed to start. Then I will try more aggressively to get her to fall asleep.
- The bedtime routine starts at 6:30 PM even if she's just woken up, because she's tired at that time of day anyway and because the bath and massage will provide some activity before bed.
- While I will try to feed her at the beginning of every naptime/bedtime routine, it's not a big deal if she's hungry earlier or refuses to feed because she's not hungry -- I will feed her on demand. If I end up having to nurse her at the end of the naptime/bedtime routine I will pull her off before she falls asleep completely. I will try not to make a habit of nursing her immediately before bed.
- I will try to potty her toward the beginning of the naptime/bedtime routine. If she doesn't go, I won't take her again unless she clearly needs to poo (not pee). If she does, I will use the bowl in her room; I won't take her to the (brighter) bathroom.
- If she wakes up before 7:30 AM, I will try hard to get her back down. But if she's wide awake between 7:00 and 7:30 and seems unlikely to go back down, I will let her play quietly in her crib until 7:30. In this case I will potty her if need be.
- If she seems very tired at night, I will shorten the bedtime routine and concentrate on getting her down, even if it's earlier than 7:30 PM.
- I hope that eventually, if she's sleeping better during the day and waking up less at night, I can move the bedtime up to 8 PM and allow her to get up at 7 AM, since she probably only needs about 11 hours of night sleep.
Today: Last night we were back to the bad old days -- four night wakings. She was up from about 2:15 to 3:30 AM and wouldn't fall back asleep. I don't know what's up because yesterday was a fairly average day. Maybe it's the developmental leaps of Wonder Week 26 making her fussy for up to five weeks. Sigh. As for the new schedule, yesterday was the first day I tried to follow it, and we were fairly successful. However, today, Mari screwed it up by napping only for about 45 minutes in the morning and refusing to back down. She ended up having four short naps today, one of them during an active time. I really, really wish I could get her to nap longer.
She wakes up wide awake and ready to play anytime between 2:30 AM and 8 AM, though of course with the earlier times I try really hard to get her back to sleep, though it often takes up to an hour and a half. Her nap number ranges from two to five, though three is most normal. She has gone to bed as early as 5:30 PM and not until nearly 9 PM. Her morning nap has started as early as 7:40 and as late as 10:10. Her nap lengths vary from 20 minutes to three hours.
Having learned a little more about temperament, I can conclude that Mari is a highly irregular baby and will not put herself on a schedule no matter how long I wait and keep track of what she does. So I've decided I have to impose one.
No, Jon, I'm not going to be inflexible about this. Because I'm going to try to balance establishing a schedule with making sure Mari gets enough rest and isn't overtired, it may take a long time for her to get the idea. Nonetheless, I'm going to try. Someone has to set her circadian clock.
The key is going to be establishing quiet times and active times. Ideally she will sleep during the quiet times and play during the active times, but if not, she will play quietly during the quiet times and nap in a brighter, noisier environment during the active times.
The ideal schedule will be as follows:
7:30 AM - Up, active play
8:15 - Naptime routine (feed, potty, story, lullaby and rocking, down)
9:00 - Nap/quiet time
11:00 - Active play
12:15 PM - Naptime routine
1:00 - Nap/quiet time
2:30 - Active play
3:45 - Naptime routine
4:30 - Nap/quiet time
5:30 - Active play/suppertime
6:30 - Bedtime routine (feed, potty, bath, massage, 2 stories, lullaby and rocking, down)
7:30 - Sleep
Of course, Mari won't follow the ideal schedule exactly. So I have the following contingency guidelines:
- If Mari wakes up from a nap while it's still naptime, I will try my hardest to get her back down. If after 20 minutes of rocking and soothing, she won't go back down and it's still naptime, I will let her play quietly in her crib for up to 20 minutes or until she shows tired signs. Then I will try again, until she goes down or until it's active time.
- If Mari wakes up while it's still naptime and I'm able to get her back down, but she wakes up again I'll try a second time to get her back down -- and this time I'll rock her all the way to sleep. At all other times I will endeavour to rock her only until she's drowsy and put her down still awake. If she wakes up a third time while it's still naptime I'll let her play quietly in her crib until it's active time.
- If Mari shows signs of fatigue during active time, I will immediately stop what I'm doing and put her to bed. I won't do the whole naptime routine -- no feed, no potty, no story. Just lullaby and rocking.
- For naps during active time, I will not try super-hard to be quiet. I will walk around, flush the toilet, etc, though I won't actively try to disrupt her sleep. I will close only the blind over her crib, not the one over the roof, unless it's very sunny, in which case I'll close the bamboo part of the blind only, not the blackout fabric. For naps during quiet time, I will close both blinds and I will try to be as quiet as possible.
- If Mari wakes up from a short nap during active time I won't try to put her back to sleep unless she's very fussy and obviously tired and continues to be for more than a few minutes.
- For most naps, even if they go into the next scheduled time, I will not wake her up or disturb her. However, if the last nap of the day goes beyond 6:30 PM, I will go into the room, walk around, open the blinds, turn off the white noise machine. If that doesn't wake her up I'll try again in another 10 minutes. By 6:45 at the latest, I will actively wake her up by picking her up.
- During active time, Mari will play downstairs, not in her crib. I will try to play actively with her as much as possible, though I don't promise to do so all the time.
- If Mari is happily playing in her crib during quiet time, I will either leave her alone in her room or sit in the chair and read, interacting with her only minimally, if at all -- looks and smiles, no talking.
- If Mari is playing in her crib during quiet time, I will provide only her lovey and perhaps one other toy at my discretion, and she will be facing the direction she faces to sleep, unless there's less than 15 minutes remaining in her quiet time, in which case she can play with whatever she wants, facing whichever direction, as long as she stays in her crib.
- If Mari starts to fuss when I've left her alone to play in her crib during quiet time, I'll take this as a sign she's tired and will try again to put her down for a nap.
- If Mari naps during active time, I will nonetheless try to put her down for her next nap on schedule, unless she has woken up less than half an hour before the naptime routine is supposed to begin. If the latter is the case, I'll let her play actively for 30 minutes before beginning the naptime routine. If she seems wide awake even then, I will use the time normally allotted for the naptime routine as a transitional time. I will feed her if she'll eat, read her stories, play with her very quietly until she starts to lose steam or until the actual nap is supposed to start. Then I will try more aggressively to get her to fall asleep.
- The bedtime routine starts at 6:30 PM even if she's just woken up, because she's tired at that time of day anyway and because the bath and massage will provide some activity before bed.
- While I will try to feed her at the beginning of every naptime/bedtime routine, it's not a big deal if she's hungry earlier or refuses to feed because she's not hungry -- I will feed her on demand. If I end up having to nurse her at the end of the naptime/bedtime routine I will pull her off before she falls asleep completely. I will try not to make a habit of nursing her immediately before bed.
- I will try to potty her toward the beginning of the naptime/bedtime routine. If she doesn't go, I won't take her again unless she clearly needs to poo (not pee). If she does, I will use the bowl in her room; I won't take her to the (brighter) bathroom.
- If she wakes up before 7:30 AM, I will try hard to get her back down. But if she's wide awake between 7:00 and 7:30 and seems unlikely to go back down, I will let her play quietly in her crib until 7:30. In this case I will potty her if need be.
- If she seems very tired at night, I will shorten the bedtime routine and concentrate on getting her down, even if it's earlier than 7:30 PM.
- I hope that eventually, if she's sleeping better during the day and waking up less at night, I can move the bedtime up to 8 PM and allow her to get up at 7 AM, since she probably only needs about 11 hours of night sleep.
Today: Last night we were back to the bad old days -- four night wakings. She was up from about 2:15 to 3:30 AM and wouldn't fall back asleep. I don't know what's up because yesterday was a fairly average day. Maybe it's the developmental leaps of Wonder Week 26 making her fussy for up to five weeks. Sigh. As for the new schedule, yesterday was the first day I tried to follow it, and we were fairly successful. However, today, Mari screwed it up by napping only for about 45 minutes in the morning and refusing to back down. She ended up having four short naps today, one of them during an active time. I really, really wish I could get her to nap longer.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Day 32: Wonder Week 26 and still overtired
Mari had her roughest night of sleep in awhile last night, though the last few days haven't been very good. Thinking about it, I realized she is now in her 26th week, which is one of the "wonder weeks" when babies make developmental leaps and tend to be fussier, including not sleeping as well. During this fussy period, which will probably last about a month, Mari will learn about the relationships of things with each other, including distance -- including realizing that I can quickly put distance between myself and her, an idea she won't like. For more on wonder weeks, see http://www.thewonderweeks.com/ or read the book by that name, by Hetty van de Rijt and Frans X. Plooij.
I read The Wonder Weeks some time ago, but I've just started reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth (http://www.amazon.ca/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0449004023). While the No-Cry Sleep Solution has provided me with plenty of ideas to change Mari's poor sleep habits, Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child has really helped me understand how baby sleep works. It has also helped me understand that the tired signs I've been looking for -- rubbing eyes, fussing -- are actually overtired signs. I've really got to catch Mari when she's losing interest in her toys, looking away, slowing down, calming down, and put her down right away, before she starts rubbing her eyes and fussing.
Another thing I've learned from Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child is that according to Weissbluth's definition, Mari had colic after all. Mari was certainly very fussy as a younger baby. But I didn't think of it as true colic because she didn't actually cry for hours every night. However, she did fuss for hours on end, and if she wasn't crying it was because I was trying very hard to soothe her. Weissbluth's definion of colic is:
- Parent has to spend more than three hours a day soothing the baby
- This happens at least three days a week
- Goes on for at least three weeks
To all the above, I can unequivocally say Mari applied. We spent probably four to seven hours a day, seven days a week, for most of the first three months, trying to calm her or keep her calm. According to Weissbluth, a baby who had colic will have to learn to sleep differently than did a baby who never had colic. I haven't gotten far enough in the book yet to find out what the differences are, though.
I read The Wonder Weeks some time ago, but I've just started reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth (http://www.amazon.ca/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0449004023). While the No-Cry Sleep Solution has provided me with plenty of ideas to change Mari's poor sleep habits, Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child has really helped me understand how baby sleep works. It has also helped me understand that the tired signs I've been looking for -- rubbing eyes, fussing -- are actually overtired signs. I've really got to catch Mari when she's losing interest in her toys, looking away, slowing down, calming down, and put her down right away, before she starts rubbing her eyes and fussing.
Another thing I've learned from Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child is that according to Weissbluth's definition, Mari had colic after all. Mari was certainly very fussy as a younger baby. But I didn't think of it as true colic because she didn't actually cry for hours every night. However, she did fuss for hours on end, and if she wasn't crying it was because I was trying very hard to soothe her. Weissbluth's definion of colic is:
- Parent has to spend more than three hours a day soothing the baby
- This happens at least three days a week
- Goes on for at least three weeks
To all the above, I can unequivocally say Mari applied. We spent probably four to seven hours a day, seven days a week, for most of the first three months, trying to calm her or keep her calm. According to Weissbluth, a baby who had colic will have to learn to sleep differently than did a baby who never had colic. I haven't gotten far enough in the book yet to find out what the differences are, though.
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