Day 62: The new, hopefully permanent sleep plan (draft)

(Published on Tuesday, Mar. 23, despite the incorrect date stamp above.)

Over the past two months, I've tried all sorts of things to get Mari to sleep better. Some have worked better than others. I thought they were worthy experiments, but consistency has been a problem. Also, it has taken me some time to work out exactly what I'm comfortable with in terms of crying. This plan is not a strictly no-cry plan, since it allows for up to five minutes of crying or 20 minutes of mild fussing between us going in. (For a discussion of the difference between fussing and crying, see http://sleeplittlebaby.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-41-talking-fussing-calling-crying.html) It isn't a cry-it-out plan either, since we will respond to crying fairly promptly, without trying to stretch out time between responses. However, it does have as a central feature the idea that we will no longer put her to sleep -- she is responsible for falling asleep on her own. So this plan is something of a hybrid between the No-Cry Sleep Solution and Ferberizing, though some elements have been taken from Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and others I've simply made up based on what has worked with Mari so far.

This plan is subject to change after Jon has a close look at it. Feedback from other people is also more than welcome. Once I have that feedback and made changes if necessary, I hope to keep this plan in place more or less permanently, though of course we will change the schedule as Mari grows and her sleep needs change -- and if something really isn't working out, we'll change it. Anyway, here's the draft plan.

1.  Schedule: I will impose a schedule of nap times, bedtime and wake times, but with flexibility of up to half an hour on either side for naps, depending on how tired (or not) she seems and how long she slept the last time. I will try my best to maintain a more consistent bedtime, starting the bedtime routine as close to 6:30 as possible every night. If I absolutely have to break the schedule, I will try to get Mari back on track as soon as possible, but I will never wake her up from a nap, except in the unlikely event she naps later than 6:00 PM. The schedule will look like this:

7:00 AM: Up (See point #2)
9:00: Start naptime routine, set down by about 9:20 (see point #3)
9:30(ish): Asleep/quiet time (see point #6)
10:30: Active play time
1:00 PM: Start naptime routine, set down by about 1:20
1:30(ish): Asleep/quiet time
3:00: Active play time
(See point #7 for a discussion of the third nap)
6:30: Start bedtime routine, set down by about 7:20 (see point #4)
7:30(ish): Asleep


2. Morning wake-up time

• If Mari wakes up before 5:30 AM, I will treat it as a night waking. (See point #10)
• If Mari wakes up between 5:30 and 6:30, she's vulnerable to not being able to get back to sleep. So at this special time, I will do whatever it takes to get her back down, including nursing (if she hasn't yet had a second night feeding; see point #11) and rocking all the way to sleep.
• If Mari wakes up between 6:30 and 7:00 AM, I will ignore her even if she fusses mildly, keeping her in her crib with the blinds down and lights off, until 7:00. If she starts to full-on cry, I will use the procedures outlined in point #5.
• If Mari wakes up between 7:00 and 8:00, that's fine.
• If by some freak chance Mari hasn't woken up by 8:00, I will wake her up to protect her schedule.

3. The naptime routine will consist of:

• Trip to potty/change
• Two stories, one in Japanese and one in English (with the option to cut it off at one if she seems really tired)
• Blinds closed, white noise machine on
• Two lullabies while rocking if she lets me rock her, one in Japanese and one in English (with the option to cut it off at one or even part of one if she starts looking like she's going to fall asleep.)
• Put down in crib still awake but drowsy (with the option of putting her down while I'm still singing lullabies)
• Good"night" kiss and leave the room

4. The bedtime routine will consist of:

• Bath
• Massage
• Put on pajamas and disposable diaper
• One to three stories, the last of which is always Goodnight Moon
• Breastfeed (no trip to potty unless she obviously needs to poo or actually does so)
• Up to two lullabies while rocking (see note above)
• Put down in crib still awake but drowsy (with the option of putting her down while I'm still singing lullabies)
• Goodnight kiss and leave the room

5. Procedures if Mari fusses or cries once she has been put down for a nap or night sleep:

• If Mari mildly fusses, I will wait five minutes, then go in for her first check and soothe. This first soothing happens quickly because I want to let her know I haven't abandoned her just because I left the room. However, if it sounds like she's right on the point of falling asleep, I will wait up to five more minutes to see if she can fall asleep on her own.
• When soothing her, I will pick her up, shush her, rock her, stroke her hair, pat her bum -- whatever feels right. However, I will not do any of these things until she falls asleep. If she starts to close her eyes in my arms, I'll put her down immediately. I will avoid talking to her or turning on the light, as I don't want to stimulate her. I will strictly limit time in her room to no more than two minutes and will put her down still fully awake but hopefully calmer. If she doesn't calm down within two minutes, I'll still put her down and leave the room.
• If Mari continues to fuss, not full-on cry, I will check on her at 20-minute intervals, unless it sounds like she is very close to falling asleep at the 20-minute mark, in which case I will wait five more minutes. If the fussing turns into crying, see below.
• For naptime, if an hour has passed since I put her down and she has not fallen asleep, I will let her get up. If she seems really tired and hasn't slept at all, I will take her for a walk, weather permitting, and see if she falls asleep in the stroller or carrier. If the weather is bad, I may or may not take her for a car ride.If she falls asleep in the stroller/carrier/carseat, I will try to maintain the same environment until she wakes up on her own, but I won't try to put her back to sleep again until it's time for her next nap. If I decide not to take her for a car ride but I think she still might fall asleep soon, I will let her play quietly in her crib. If she doesn't want to be in her crib, I'll get her up fully. If she doesn't fall asleep, I'll let her stay up until the early end of the range for her next nap or bedtime.
• At bedtime, I will continue checking on her every 20 minutes indefinitely, as long as she's still fussing, not full-on crying. It's unlikely to ever come to this, though.
• If Mari starts to really cry or scream, sounding very upset, I will still not go in right away, since I don't want her to learn that we'll come running if she screams louder or longer. I will wait two minutes, then go in and soothe her as outlined above. I will still limit time in her room to two minutes. 
• If she continues to really cry, I will perform the check and soothe routine at five-minutes intervals. I don't think I'm rewarding her for being louder by going in more often, because my response is still not immediate and because my response will remain the same -- i.e. no rocking all the way to sleep. Also, if she continues to full-on cry despite my best efforts at soothing, I will still put her down after two minutes in her room and let her cry for up to five more minutes. See point #11 for a discussion of if I will nurse her at night.
• If at any point there is a real problem causing her to cry (i.e. she has vomited), I will fix it, even if it takes longer than two minutes and even if I have to turn on a dim light at night. However, once the problem has been fixed and she has calmed down, I will leave the room. I will still avoid rocking her all the way to sleep, though I may have to make temporary exceptions if she's sick or in pain.
•  Because there is a continuum between mild fussing and crying, if I'm unsure about which category it falls into, I'll treat it as crying. The point is not to ignore an upset baby -- I want her to know we're here and we will always respond to her quite promptly if she's upset. On the other hand, Mari often seems to need to "talk" or mildly fuss a bit to put herself to sleep, and I don't want to rob her of the opportunity to do so.

6. Quiet time: Procedures if Mari wakes up from a morning or early afternoon nap of less than an hour

• I will go in right away and do anything I can to get her back down, though that will include nursing only if it's an appropriate time to nurse (see point #8) or if she's showing signs of hunger. If she starts to fall asleep in my arms, I will gently put her down. If putting her down upsets her and she doesn't seem to be trying to fall back asleep, I will pick her up again rock her all the way to sleep before trying to put her down. If she wakes up a second time, I will rock her to sleep again. If she wakes up a third time, I'll let her stay up for quiet time.
• If after 10 minutes of soothing, it seems like there's no way she'll go back down, or if I have tried and failed twice to put her down, I'll give her some toys and let her play quietly alone in the crib. I will keep the blinds down and white noise machine on until the end of quiet time as per the schedule in point #1. 
• If I started the naptime routine earlier or later than usual, quiet time is to last an hour from the time I put her down. 

7. The third nap: RESCINDED -- MARI ISN'T GOING TO TAKE A THIRD NAP ANYMORE.

• It appears Mari has pretty much given up her late afternoon nap. However, if she seems really tired around when she used to have her third nap (between 4:00 and 5:30), I will take her upstairs and perform the naptime routine as fast as possible.
• If she falls asleep, great. If she fusses, I will do a check and soothe at the five-minute mark, then again if necessary after another 10 minutes, not 20 (five minutes, as always, if she full-on cries). If at that point she doesn't seem likely to fall asleep, I will give her quiet time in her crib, with toys, for another 15 minutes, for a total of 30 minutes of quiet time. If she doesn't fall asleep but doesn't fuss either, I'll let her be for a total of 30 minutes of quiet time.
• If she never seems tired enough to go down for a third nap, I won't worry about it and won't try to institute a late-afternoon quiet time.
• If she does fall asleep, I will limit the third nap to a maximum of one hour, or until 6:00 PM, whichever comes first.
• If she starts to seem really tired between 5:30 and 6:30 PM, I'll start her bedtime routine a little early instead of trying to give her a third nap.

8. Daytime breastfeeding: Since Mari is now usually having only two naps, feedings will no longer be tied to naptimes or bedtimes.

• I will feed her soon after she wakes up in the morning, then every three hours or so thereafter during the day, sooner if she shows signs of hunger. 
• If she refuses to nurse on the three-hour mark, I will wait half an hour and offer the boob again. If she shows signs of hunger before that, I will offer the boob sooner. 
• If it has been more than two hours since she last ate and she's about to go for an outing or down for a nap, I will offer her the boob before the outing or nap. 
• If she refuses to nurse before a nap, I won't worry about it and will put her down for the nap regardless. 
• I will try to avoid lengthy outings if she hasn't eaten beforehand (a short outing is OK) because she's too easily distracted these days to nurse in public.

9. Solid food: Mari will be offered fruit or cereal when we're having breakfast and some of whatever we're having at lunch and dinner. She may sometimes skip solids at lunch, but she should always be offered solids at breakfast and dinner. Breakfast will usually start between 7:30 and 8 AM, lunch between 12:00 and 12:30 PM and dinner between 5:30 and 6:00.

10. Night wakings and night feedings:

• If Mari starts to mildly fuss (not cry) at night, I will let her fuss alone for up to 10 (not five) minutes or until fussing turns into crying. If necessary, I will encourage Jon to put in his earplugs and shut the door while I go to the guest room with the door open so I can accurately gauge the quality of her cries. 
• After 10 minutes of fussing, I will do a check and soothe as outlined in point #5 OR feed her as outlined in point #11.
• If it isn't an appropriate time for a feeding, I will let her mildly fuss for 20 minutes before doing another check and soothe if necessary.
• If she starts to really cry, I will wait two minutes the first time, then do a check and soothe OR feed her as outlined in point #11.
• If she continues to full-on cry and it isn't an appropriate time for a feeding, I will check and soothe once every five minutes. 
• If she has been full-on crying for a total of 15 minutes, despite two soothing sessions in the middle, and it's within an hour of a normally acceptable time for a feed (i.e. four hours since she was put down or two hours since her last night feeding), I will feed her.

11. Night feedings:

• I will feed her no more than twice at night. Her first feeding can be a full one and can occur anytime after she has been down for a minimum of five hours. Her second feeding can occur anytime after she has been down for a minimum of three hours after her first feeding. 
• I will make exceptions to the above if she has been crying hard for 15 minutes as outlined above, or if she is going through a growth spurt or teething. In those cases, I will feed up to three times a night. However, after the growth spurt or teething is over, I will return to a maximum of two night feedings.
• I AM RESCINDING ALL POINTS FROM HERE ON DOWN: I am spending this month (from seven to eight months old) trying to wean her from the second night feeding, on the following schedule:
• Mar. 20-27: I will offer only one breast at the second night feeding. If she fusses for more than 10 minutes after I put her down or wakes up again within 30 minutes of getting the first breast, I will offer the second breast.
• Mar. 27-Apr. 3: I will offer only one breast at the second night feeding. If she fusses for more than 10 minutes after I put her down or wakes up again within 30 minutes after getting the first breast, I will offer the second breast, but I will limit her time on it to seven minutes the first night, six the second night, five the third night, etc.
• Apr. 3-10: I will offer only one breast at the second night feeding. If she fusses or wakes up again I will use only my check and soothe techniques to try to get her back to sleep.
• Apr. 10-20: I will start to limit time on the first breast to 10 minutes the first night, nine minutes the second night, and so on.
• I will try to wean her from the first (and hopefully by then only) night feeding in a similar way between the eight-month mark and the nine-month mark.

Day 31: The new 10-day plan including nap plan

Damn. Mari didn't sleep through the night last night, for the first time in over a week. She was close, since I'm still defining "through the night" as one five-hour stretch -- she had a 4.5-hour stretch. But it has underlined to me that I still need to be emphasizing the nighttime sleep plan as much as ever. I'll probably need to do that until well into childhood, though of course there will be significant changes to the plan before then.

Anyway, here's the new plan, including the plan for naps. Unless otherwise stated, previous plans still apply.

1. For this 10-day plan only I will not try to schedule naps. I will instead look for sleepy cues and try to respond IMMEDIATELY by reading her a quick story, rocking to the point of drowsiness while singing a lullaby, then putting her down. I will try to feed and potty her at least 45 minutes before she's likely to fall asleep. (Feeding her immediately upon waking up has been totally unsuccessful and I will discontinue that attempt. She's too raring to go to settle down for a feed when she's just woken up.)

2.  If I miss feeding her and pottying her before she shows me sleepy signs, I will feed and potty her immediately, limiting time on the potty to a minute or two regardless of if she goes. I will then rock her and put her down without a story or song.

3.  I will keep track of naptimes for the next 10 days so I have a sense of when her natural tired times are. I will use the data to create a nap schedule for the next 10-day plan. For this 10-day plan I will only try to schedule bedtime, starting her bedtime routine at 6:30 every day so she's asleep sometime between 7:30 and 8.

4.  I will make Mari's room darker for naps by sewing blackout fabric onto the backs of the bamboo blinds. (I already did this for one blind, but I don't think the fabric is dark or thick enough, so I'll add another layer.)

5.  I will continue to co-nap with Mari for her morning nap for now, since the morning nap seems to be key. In any case, I usually need a nap too! If she starts to stir too early, I will put a hand on her before she wakes and shush her to try to keep her asleep. If she still wakes up after less than an hour, I will do whatever I have to do to get her back to sleep, including rocking and nursing. 

6.  For afternoon naps, I will put Mari down in her crib and leave the room so she gets more used to napping alone. I will, however, stay upstairs. I will enter the room immediately when I hear a sound and try to get her back to sleep if it has been less than an hour or if she seems cranky.  Exception: if she napped long previously, seems happy and alert and has napped at least 30 minutes, I'll leave her be. She can have one nap a day of less than an hour, assuming three naps a day.

7.  I will work on putting her down after less rocking, drowsy but not yet falling asleep, so she learns to fall asleep on her own in the crib. I will stay by her side for a little while, saying "shh," but I will now not keep a hand on her stomach unless she fusses. If she fusses, I will use the hand but I won't pick her up unless she starts to truly cry, or if she fusses for more than 5 minutes at naptime and doesn't seem to be trying to put herself to sleep. At night, I will leave the room 5 minutes after I put her down, even if she's still awake. At naptime, I'll stay in the room until she's very nearly asleep -- but not quite.

8.  Since her weight gain has slowed, I'm OK with feeding her once or twice a night. Ideally I will do this once before I go to bed, in hopes her longest sleep stretch comes after I go to bed. However, if she doesn't wake up, or puts herself to sleep after less than five minutes of fussing, I will not wake her up to feed her, nor will I do a dream feed.

9.  For night wakings, I will continue to let her fuss alone -- NOT cry -- for the following amounts of time:
- 5 minutes if it's just after I put her down and leave the room, but she's still clearly awake and not happy about being left alone.
- 15 minutes if she has already fallen asleep once for the night but less than three hours have passed since I put her down. If I end up having to go in and comfort her, I will not feed her.
- 5 minutes if more than 3 hours has passed since I put her down for the night. If she continues to fuss for more than five minutes, I will feed her immediately upon going in.
- 15 minutes if I have already fed her once during the night and less than five hours have passed since then. If I go in, I won't feed her.
- 5 minutes if more than five hours have passed since her first night feeding. If I have to go in, I will feed her.
- 5 minutes at any time of the night if it has been less than 30 minutes since her last night waking and she was not fed at the last night waking. If this happens, I will feed her immediately upon going in.
- At any time if she starts full-on crying, I will go in immediately. However, I will only feed her according to the above guidelines.

10.  I will no longer hold Mari during her naps after she has fallen asleep, even if I picked her up after a premature awakening. If she wakes up prematurely, I will soothe her and put her down, up to twice. If she wakes up a third time after being put down, she can stay up.

11.  I will make sure she gets at least some active tummy time between every nap, even if it's only for five minutes before an outing.

12.  I will try very hard to avoid being out when Mari has to nap. However, if it's unavoidable and she falls asleep in her car seat, I will stay in the (intermittently warmed up, if necessary) parked car with her until she wakes up or has napped for a minimum of 45 minutes. Only then will I go in the house, since going in almost always wakes her up. If she falls asleep in the carrier or stroller, I will try to keep walking around outside for the same amount of time. However, if it's too cold, I will take her inside and keep walking around quietly indoors in hopes she won't wake up.

13.  In the last stages of getting Mari down to sleep (naps and at night), I will do the "Pantley Dance" -- alternating periods of rocking and shushing with holding her still and quiet in my arms. I will do both a few times each until she is sleepy but not yet asleep. Then I will put her down.

14.  If she seems in danger of falling asleep nursing, I will employ the "Pantley Pull-Off" (see http://www.pregnancy.org/article/when-your-baby-wakes-frequently-feed-pantley-pull)

Day 22: The new 10-day plan

Once again I haven't managed to formally set down the plan until today, but I've been more or less implementing the points below for the last couple of days.

The last plan stays in place, with the following changes:

1.  I will start the naptime routine 45 minutes, not 30 minutes, before I want Mari to sleep. While in some ways this is a step backwards, since the ideal would be a shorter naptime routine, the fact is that Mari often takes a long time to fall asleep, and if I'm to have a hope of keeping her on schedule, I need more time. If, however, Mari shows signs of tiredness before I start the naptime routine, I will skip the story and song -- I will just feed her (if she hasn't eaten recently), take her to the potty and put her to bed.

2.  If she doesn't use the potty within a minute or two during bedtime and naptime routines, I'll just diaper her and get on with it -- no more 15-minute potty trips that include a lot of getting her on and off the potty, no matter how convinced I am that she really should need to go.

3.  I will try harder to get her to fall asleep without being rocked to sleep. I will rock her until she's calm and is putting her head down on my chest but before she has started to close her eyes, I'll put her down and pat her, give her her lovey, verbally soothe her and stay by her side but I won't pick her up until she has been in her crib 20 minutes without falling asleep OR until her fussing turns into full-on crying. If she hasn't fallen asleep after 20 minutes, or if she starts to cry, I will do what I was doing in the previous 10-day plan (i.e. pick up and rock until nearly asleep).

4.  In part to adjust for the above, I will try again to move the beginning of the bedtime routine to 6:30, with the goal of having her asleep by 7:30. Too often lately I have had to skip the bath because she was already getting fussy.

5.  I will read the No-Cry Nap Solution (which I just got today) and make a plan to try to improve Mari's napping habits, since she currently wakes up very quickly and has to be held if I'm going to get her back to sleep, often for the rest of the nap.

6.  I will try harder to stick to the schedule.

7.  I will continue to keep track of her nap lengths and night wakings, and I will also start keeping track of how long she's up between naps, in hopes of establishing optimal times once I have a bit more data.

8.  I will eliminate the before-I-go-to-bed dream feed, because I don't want to interfere with her sleep cycles, even if it means I have to get up sooner to feed her. I will avoid feeding her until five hours have passed after she went to bed. After the five-hour no-feeding stretch, I will feed her up to every three hours if she won't fall back asleep without nursing.

9.  I will now let Mari fuss for up to 10 minutes before I go in, not five minutes. This is for fussy noises only. If at any point she starts to full-on cry, I will go in immediately.

Today: Another day of unpredictability, coupled with a little culpability. Mari's morning nap was unusually long at 2.5 hours. I then took her to the library but didn't leave as soon as she got up because I thought she'd be hungry and didn't want her to start screaming while we were walking. So we ended up being out longer than we should have and she fell asleep in her carrier on the way home. I was going to let her continue to sleep in her carrier, but she woke up as soon as we got home, maybe due to the change in temperature or because I wasn't walking anymore. So that nap only lasted 20 minutes. She woke up twice during her early-evening nap and ended up having to be held until she'd slept for an hour. Then she got cranky again very quickly so I had to skip the bath and massage and get her straight to sleep.

Results after 10 days on the No-Cry Sleep Solution

Well, Mari isn't sleeping through the night yet, and her night-waking rate would make many parents of easier babies weep. But there has definitely been some improvement in the last 10 days.

On Jan. 18, Mari woke up 11 times overnight. Last night, she woke up only five times. I know some parents think it's awful if their baby wakes up once, but for Mari, her night waking rate has been cut by more than half.

When we started, Mari spent just 2.5 hours napping. Yesterday, she napped for 3.5 hours in total, and I think that has helped her be less overtired and thus sleep better.

Another exciting thing is that Mari has started to be able to put herself back to sleep. In the last couple of days, she has cried out a few times, long enough and loudly enough (though not full-on upset crying) that I was sure she was actually up, not merely talking in her sleep. I waited. And then, the fussing stopped. It didn't work every time, but that she did it at all is a huge step. Also, I have been putting her down still awake, if just barely, and she has often, though not always, managed to put herself to sleep without further picking up. That's a big step too.

She has been napping in her crib typically two naps out of three, which is a great improvement over 10 days ago, when she always napped in our bed, and had to fall asleep curled up against Mom or Dad. In fact, she could probably nap in her crib all the time, if I didn't usually want a morning nap too, since Mari is still keeping or waking me up a lot.

At night too, she's spending more time in her crib. Ten days ago I only kept her in her crib until I went to bed. Then I moved to keeping her there until the first time she woke up after I went to bed. In the last couple of days, I have moved to keeping her there until the second time she wakes up after I go to bed. If she starts sleeping longer I will try to keep here there even longer until she's sleeping in her crib all night.

Mari has never been one of those babies who fell asleep nursing all the time, but she did it fairly often 10 days ago. Now she almost never does. If she does I slightly wake her up before putting her down and most of the time she falls asleep again pretty easily.

Adding naps and night sleep together, she slept 13 hours, 20 minutes last night, up from 11 hours, 25 minutes on Jan. 18. She should still be getting more -- 14 to 15 hours for a six-month-old, according to the book (Mari is only five months and one week, but there isn't a time recommendation for a five-month-old).

It isn't all good news. The worst part, as far as I'm concerned, is that her sleep stretches haven't shown much improvement. Ten days ago, her longest sleep stretch was two hours, 45 minutes. Last night, it was -- get this -- two hours, 50 minutes. Yay, five minutes' more sleep.

Mari's bedtime has actually migrated later, to 8 PM the last few nights, despite my best intentions to start her bedtime routine at 6:30 and have her asleep by 7:30. That just isn't fitting well into my life. I can manage starting her bath at 7, though. I guess there has to be a balance between meeting her needs and mine. It wouldn't be all that bad if she didn't wake up as often as she does, but when I subtract the amount of time she spends awake in the middle of the night, she only slept 9 hours, 50 minutes last night. She should be getting 10-11 hours at night.

I haven't been good enough at getting her to bed quickly for naps when she shows signs of being tired, and her naptimes are as inconsistent as ever -- more about that one of these days.

But the good news certainly outweighs the bad. Time to revise the sleep plan and stick to it. Thank you, No-Cry Sleep Solution.

Mari's sleep plan

Finally – I'm done the sleep plan for at least the next 10 days. If necessary, I will re-evaluate after that point. This will likely be the longest blog entry ever, but here's the plan. (Jon, you may want to bookmark this page.)

1. 
   
   I will breastfeed every two hours during the day except when I can't because she's napping. I will try to get her to take both breasts. If she won't immediately take the second, I'll try again in half an hour before giving up. After she's gone to bed, I will breastfeed her no more than once every three hours, and only when she's up and won't readily go back to sleep.
   
   
2. 
   
   I will follow a bedtime routine, starting at 6:30 PM, as follows:
   Bath, Massage, Put on pajamas and sleep sack, 2-3 stories, Lights out, Lullaby, Breastfeed but not completely to sleep, Rocking and shushing but not completely to sleep, Put down in crib, Sleep by 7:30.
   
   
3. 
   
   I will strive to follow what Pantley calls a “flexible yet predictable” daytime schedule, the ideal of which is as follows. Naptimes don't have to be exact but should be in the ballpark. The bedtime routine should start at 6:30 PM sharp unless there's very good reason to vary it by no more than half an hour.
   7:30ish: Up (I will not set an alarm, but this is the one area in which Mari is relatively predictable – she tends to get up between 7 and 8. Sometimes she wakes up earlier, but if it's earlier than 6:45, I will do my best to get her back to sleep.)
   Play independently while Mum & Dad shower and eat breakfast
   Play actively with Mum
   Play quietly with Mum
   9:30 – 11:00 Nap
   Play independently OR outing
   Play actively with Mum OR outing
   Play quietly with Mum
   1:00 – 2:30 Nap
   Play independently OR outing
   Play actively with Mum OR outing
   Play quietly with Mum
   4:00 – 5:30 Nap
   Play independently while Mum and Dad have supper
   Play quietly with Dad
   6:30 Bedtime routine
   7:30ish: Sleep
   
   
4. 
   
   I will try my best to get Mari to nap for 90 minutes at a time. If she wakes up after less than an hour, I will do anything in my power, including rocking her in the sling or nursing her to sleep, to get her back down right away. This is the only time these techniques will be used. I will not take her to the potty until she has napped more than an hour. I will deviate from the scheduled naptimes if Mari seems tired – then I will try to get her down right away.
   
   
5. 
   
   Mari's naptime routine will consist of:
   One story, One lullaby, Breastfeeding but not totally to sleep, Rocking and shushing if necessary, Put down and sleep.
   Of course, this will be easier said than done.

6. 
   
   I will spend some time every day playing quietly with Mari in her crib so she's comfortable in it and likes it.
   
   
7. 
   
   I will try to get Mari to take at least one nap a day in a place other than snuggled up next to me in our bed. This can be in her swing, in her car seat, or ideally in her crib. However, if she doesn't fall asleep within 15 minutes of trying, I'll let her snuggle up next to me in bed, since at this point that she naps is more important than how she naps. (As she gets better at napping, I'll try to increase the naps in her crib and decrease naps in our bed and in her swing. But that's is for a future 10-day plan.)
   
   
8. 
   
   I will try to encourage her attachment to her bunny and give it to her for every nap and sleep, so she associates it with sleep. I will frequently put the bunny in my shirt so it smells like me.
   
   
9. 
   
   I will help her differentiate between naps and nighttime sleep by keeping the curtains (but not blinds) open during naps, and making it as dark as possible for nighttime sleep.
   
   
10. 
    
    The following sounds will be sleep cues: shushing, “it's time to go to sleep,” and white noise via the fan/heater in her room or the white noise machine in ours.
    
    
11. 
    
    I will avoid nursing or rocking her completely to sleep. If she seems in danger of falling asleep on the breast, I will pop her off and try to hold her mouth closed as the book instructs. If she continues to try to latch on, I'll let her for a brief time, then pop her off again, until she no longer tries to latch on.
    
    
12. 
    
    In this 10-day plan, I will put her to sleep in her crib at least until it's time for me to go to bed. I will then bring her to our room and put her in the co-sleeper to sleep until morning. I will try to avoid having her sleep directly in our bed. (As time goes on and she sleeps better, I will keep her in the crib for longer, until she's sleeping in the crib all night long.)
    
    
13. 
    
    I will try to differentiate between still-asleep noises and I'm-waking-up noises. If the former, I will monitor her but take no action until it seems she might be really waking up.
    
    
14. 
    
    In this 10-day plan, I will stay with her while she sleeps as much as possible. When she starts to stir, I will put a hand on her and quietly shush her to try to keep her asleep. (Once she learns to keep herself asleep a little better, I will still stay near her but wait until she makes a sound to put a hand on her and shush her. Once she's not waking up as much, I will leave the room but respond quickly once she makes an I'm-really-waking-up sound and try to keep her asleep or immediately get her back to sleep.)
    
    
15. 
    
    If putting a hand on her and shushing her doesn't work and she seems to really be up, I will pick her up and rock her briefly on the spot, put her back down and put my hand on her and shush her. If that doesn't work, I will pick her up again up to five times. If after five brief pick-ups, she's not falling asleep, I will take her to the rocking chair and rock her fully to sleep and try again to get her to fall asleep on her own next time. If it has been more than 3 hours since her last feed and she's not readily going back to sleep, I will feed her instead of rocking her in the rocking chair, but avoid having her fall asleep nursing.
    
    
16. 
    
    If by some chance she hasn't woken up around the time I want to go to sleep, I will give her a “dream feed,” avoiding waking her, and put her back down in her crib. In this instance it's OK to nurse her to sleep, since she isn't the one who woke up and in fact may be feeding in her sleep.
    
    
    (For future 10-day plans: As she gets better at putting herself to sleep from a nearly-asleep point, I will move her into her crib when she's settled and sleepy but not net nearly-asleep. When she can fall asleep from that point, I will try to comfort her when she wakes without picking her up, though I will put a hand or hands on her. When she can handle that, I will try to comfort her without touching her, just through shushing and my presence. When she can handle that, I will try to comfort her from outside the doorway, where she can hear me but not see me. Though hopefully she'll be sleeping through the night by that point.)

Tomorrow: Day One of the new sleep plan.