Sorry it's been so long since I posted. Mari's been having a more or less good run of sleeping lately, though she's still waking up about twice a night to feed. I've been thinking again about weaning her off the second night feed, since she doesn't really seem to need it -- she's fine when she sleeps well and gets up only for one feed. Also, if she has a second night feed she won't feed again when she wakes up in the morning, not until nearly time for her first nap. I would rather she feed when she gets up too. Also, she still quite often wakes up from a nap after only one sleep cycle, despite being obviously tired. I don't know what more I can do about that than what we're already doing. However, her naptimes have stabilized a little. I'm doing everything I can to ensure she sleeps at least 13 hours total a day, but she really does best when she gets 14 hours. More about that in the book reviews below.
I'm a big researcher, arguably an over-researcher, so I have read all kinds of books on baby sleep. All have had good points as well as not-so-good. Here's the lowdown on what I think of all the books I've read, in order from the ones I've liked most to least.
1. The No-Cry Sleep Solution, by Elizabeth Pantley
The book that started me and Mari on this journey, and in my opinion, still the best. I like that it offers an organized way to create a sleep plan and to track progress. It also offers plenty of suggestions to create healthy sleep habits. You don't have to follow them all; just the ones that work for you. In fact, it offers a lot of flexibility, including no guilt about co-sleeping or crib sleeping. Most important, unlike most other baby sleep books, it doesn't involve making the baby cry it out, which despite my having dipped a toe or two into those waters, is in my opinion still an admirable and loving goal.
However, as I have mentioned before, I have come to believe it's not always possible or necessarily desirable to achieve no crying at all. At least for Mari, I have not been able to prevent her from crying entirely, and until I stopped taking the book quite so seriously, I felt a lot of guilt about that. I believe there are different types of crying that should be treated different ways. There are indeed times when she seems to need to fuss a bit before falling asleep, and if I keep trying to comfort her, it actually takes longer or even prevents her falling asleep. Having said that, if I get the timing just right, she fusses little or not at all. She cries when she's overtired, so it's best to prevent her from getting overtired.
2. Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems, by Richard Ferber. M.D.
I've never systematically Ferberized, but I found this book very informative. It has the best explanations about child sleep that I've ever read and the chapter about sleep associations, I found to be better than in the NCSS. I read the whole thing out of interest, even though Mari doesn't have problems with things like narcolepsy or sleep apnea, and now I feel I know what to look out for if she should ever develop more serious sleep problems.
I had formed a bad opinion of Ferberizing before I read this book. However, once I read the book, rather than just what other people had to say about it, I found the description of the method to be more logical and less harsh than the extinction method of crying it out. I think the method could work for parents who don't have the patience to implement the gentler but more time-consuming methods of the NCSS first, but after a couple of months on the NCSS, I found that Mari's sleep habits were already mostly good enough that it was unnecessary to let her cry for increasing intervals. Most of the time now she goes down pretty easily and if she doesn't, it's either because she's not tired enough yet to go to sleep or because she's overtired, in which case it seems too harsh to me to leave her to cry for very long.
I have, however, taken some things from Ferber. When necessary, I use the idea of increasing intervals between responses and keeping my time in the room short. If Mari cries after being put down, I will first respond and comfort her after about two minutes of full-on crying (I let her fuss longer if she doesn't sound very upset). At all times I limit my time in the room to two minutes unless of course I'm nursing her. If she still keeps crying, I next respond after five minutes. After that, 10 minutes and so on until half an hour has passed since I first put her down. If she's still upset at that point, I let her get up and play for a little while before I try again, because I figure she either wasn't tired or is overtired but has gotten a second wind. I have only had to let her get up for naps; never for bedtime sleep. I have not, however, increased time between responses from day to day.
There is one major area in which I tend to disagree with Ferber. Ferber constantly contends that sleep problems can be solved by at least temporarily making bedtimes later so the child is more tired when he or she is put to bed. Maybe, just maybe, this is something that could work for older children, but it certainly doesn't work for Mari and probably not most babies. The more overtired Mari gets the LESS she sleeps and the HARDER it is to get her down to sleep.
Also, Ferber says a six-month-old should be getting about 12.5 hours total sleep a day. I find this just barely in the adequate range. Mari averages about 13, and she's happier when she gets 14 hours of sleep or more in a day if I can manage to get her to sleep that long. In the three weeks since I have been using babybix.com to keep track of her sleep, Mari has slept a maximum of 14.5 hours and wow, she was in a great mood that day. Nor do I believe it's just that Mari needs more sleep than most. On the online message board for moms that I visit, it would seem the majority of 7-8 month-olds need 13 hours or more of sleep a day.
Wow, that took longer than I expected. I will post this now and continue the book reviews another day. Next up: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child; The Baby Whisperer; The Baby Sleep Book.
Showing posts with label No-Cry Nap Solution. Show all posts
Showing posts with label No-Cry Nap Solution. Show all posts
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Day 50: Why does every damn book say something different?
I'm not very far into Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems (Dr. Richard Ferber) yet, but already I've noticed how much different books differ in what they say even on basic facts about sleep.
Let's take the amount of sleep a six-month-old should get.
According to the No-Cry Sleep Solution: 2 naps a day, 3-4 naptime hours, 10-11 nighttime sleep hours, 14-15 hours total. (According to the No-Cry Nap Solution, by the same author just a few years later, six-month olds should get 2-3 naps, not necessarily just two.)
According to Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, from 4-11 months, a baby needs an average of 14.25 hours of total sleep, including about 3.5 hours of nap sleep and 11 hours of nighttime sleep. The vast majority of six-month-olds take only two naps.
According to Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems, a six-month-old only needs an average of 12.5 hours of total sleep, including 9.25 hours of night sleep and 3.25 hours of nap sleep broken into two or three chunks.
That's a pretty big difference in the recommendations, especially with the last one. Also, HSHHC says a baby about this age should be starting the morning nap around 9 AM and the early-afternoon nap around 1 PM. But SYCSP recommends the first nap start between 9:30 and and 10:30 AM, and the afternoon one between 2 and 3 PM.
What am I supposed to do with all these conflicting recommendations?
Today: Mari had tremendous difficulty going down for her naps, especially the morning one. I started extra early trying to get her down in the morning, since I thought maybe she's been overtired the last several mornings, which was why she fussed so much before going down for her nap. So I tried from 8 AM to 10 AM to get her down. She did nothing but fuss. Finally Jon was able to get her down at about 10:40 and she only slept for 35 minutes. In the afternoon, I tried to get her back on track by putting her down at 1 PM. She didn't go down until about 2:15, though this time she slept an hour and 50 minutes. She skipped her evening nap and was down for the night by about 7:15. So maybe there's something to Dr. Ferber's recommended naptimes, though I hesitate to draw conclusions from just one day.
Let's take the amount of sleep a six-month-old should get.
According to the No-Cry Sleep Solution: 2 naps a day, 3-4 naptime hours, 10-11 nighttime sleep hours, 14-15 hours total. (According to the No-Cry Nap Solution, by the same author just a few years later, six-month olds should get 2-3 naps, not necessarily just two.)
According to Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, from 4-11 months, a baby needs an average of 14.25 hours of total sleep, including about 3.5 hours of nap sleep and 11 hours of nighttime sleep. The vast majority of six-month-olds take only two naps.
According to Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems, a six-month-old only needs an average of 12.5 hours of total sleep, including 9.25 hours of night sleep and 3.25 hours of nap sleep broken into two or three chunks.
That's a pretty big difference in the recommendations, especially with the last one. Also, HSHHC says a baby about this age should be starting the morning nap around 9 AM and the early-afternoon nap around 1 PM. But SYCSP recommends the first nap start between 9:30 and and 10:30 AM, and the afternoon one between 2 and 3 PM.
What am I supposed to do with all these conflicting recommendations?
Today: Mari had tremendous difficulty going down for her naps, especially the morning one. I started extra early trying to get her down in the morning, since I thought maybe she's been overtired the last several mornings, which was why she fussed so much before going down for her nap. So I tried from 8 AM to 10 AM to get her down. She did nothing but fuss. Finally Jon was able to get her down at about 10:40 and she only slept for 35 minutes. In the afternoon, I tried to get her back on track by putting her down at 1 PM. She didn't go down until about 2:15, though this time she slept an hour and 50 minutes. She skipped her evening nap and was down for the night by about 7:15. So maybe there's something to Dr. Ferber's recommended naptimes, though I hesitate to draw conclusions from just one day.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Day 31: The new 10-day plan including nap plan
Damn. Mari didn't sleep through the night last night, for the first time in over a week. She was close, since I'm still defining "through the night" as one five-hour stretch -- she had a 4.5-hour stretch. But it has underlined to me that I still need to be emphasizing the nighttime sleep plan as much as ever. I'll probably need to do that until well into childhood, though of course there will be significant changes to the plan before then.
Anyway, here's the new plan, including the plan for naps. Unless otherwise stated, previous plans still apply.
1. For this 10-day plan only I will not try to schedule naps. I will instead look for sleepy cues and try to respond IMMEDIATELY by reading her a quick story, rocking to the point of drowsiness while singing a lullaby, then putting her down. I will try to feed and potty her at least 45 minutes before she's likely to fall asleep. (Feeding her immediately upon waking up has been totally unsuccessful and I will discontinue that attempt. She's too raring to go to settle down for a feed when she's just woken up.)
2. If I miss feeding her and pottying her before she shows me sleepy signs, I will feed and potty her immediately, limiting time on the potty to a minute or two regardless of if she goes. I will then rock her and put her down without a story or song.
3. I will keep track of naptimes for the next 10 days so I have a sense of when her natural tired times are. I will use the data to create a nap schedule for the next 10-day plan. For this 10-day plan I will only try to schedule bedtime, starting her bedtime routine at 6:30 every day so she's asleep sometime between 7:30 and 8.
4. I will make Mari's room darker for naps by sewing blackout fabric onto the backs of the bamboo blinds. (I already did this for one blind, but I don't think the fabric is dark or thick enough, so I'll add another layer.)
5. I will continue to co-nap with Mari for her morning nap for now, since the morning nap seems to be key. In any case, I usually need a nap too! If she starts to stir too early, I will put a hand on her before she wakes and shush her to try to keep her asleep. If she still wakes up after less than an hour, I will do whatever I have to do to get her back to sleep, including rocking and nursing.
6. For afternoon naps, I will put Mari down in her crib and leave the room so she gets more used to napping alone. I will, however, stay upstairs. I will enter the room immediately when I hear a sound and try to get her back to sleep if it has been less than an hour or if she seems cranky. Exception: if she napped long previously, seems happy and alert and has napped at least 30 minutes, I'll leave her be. She can have one nap a day of less than an hour, assuming three naps a day.
7. I will work on putting her down after less rocking, drowsy but not yet falling asleep, so she learns to fall asleep on her own in the crib. I will stay by her side for a little while, saying "shh," but I will now not keep a hand on her stomach unless she fusses. If she fusses, I will use the hand but I won't pick her up unless she starts to truly cry, or if she fusses for more than 5 minutes at naptime and doesn't seem to be trying to put herself to sleep. At night, I will leave the room 5 minutes after I put her down, even if she's still awake. At naptime, I'll stay in the room until she's very nearly asleep -- but not quite.
8. Since her weight gain has slowed, I'm OK with feeding her once or twice a night. Ideally I will do this once before I go to bed, in hopes her longest sleep stretch comes after I go to bed. However, if she doesn't wake up, or puts herself to sleep after less than five minutes of fussing, I will not wake her up to feed her, nor will I do a dream feed.
9. For night wakings, I will continue to let her fuss alone -- NOT cry -- for the following amounts of time:
- 5 minutes if it's just after I put her down and leave the room, but she's still clearly awake and not happy about being left alone.
- 15 minutes if she has already fallen asleep once for the night but less than three hours have passed since I put her down. If I end up having to go in and comfort her, I will not feed her.
- 5 minutes if more than 3 hours has passed since I put her down for the night. If she continues to fuss for more than five minutes, I will feed her immediately upon going in.
- 15 minutes if I have already fed her once during the night and less than five hours have passed since then. If I go in, I won't feed her.
- 5 minutes if more than five hours have passed since her first night feeding. If I have to go in, I will feed her.
- 5 minutes at any time of the night if it has been less than 30 minutes since her last night waking and she was not fed at the last night waking. If this happens, I will feed her immediately upon going in.
- At any time if she starts full-on crying, I will go in immediately. However, I will only feed her according to the above guidelines.
10. I will no longer hold Mari during her naps after she has fallen asleep, even if I picked her up after a premature awakening. If she wakes up prematurely, I will soothe her and put her down, up to twice. If she wakes up a third time after being put down, she can stay up.
11. I will make sure she gets at least some active tummy time between every nap, even if it's only for five minutes before an outing.
12. I will try very hard to avoid being out when Mari has to nap. However, if it's unavoidable and she falls asleep in her car seat, I will stay in the (intermittently warmed up, if necessary) parked car with her until she wakes up or has napped for a minimum of 45 minutes. Only then will I go in the house, since going in almost always wakes her up. If she falls asleep in the carrier or stroller, I will try to keep walking around outside for the same amount of time. However, if it's too cold, I will take her inside and keep walking around quietly indoors in hopes she won't wake up.
13. In the last stages of getting Mari down to sleep (naps and at night), I will do the "Pantley Dance" -- alternating periods of rocking and shushing with holding her still and quiet in my arms. I will do both a few times each until she is sleepy but not yet asleep. Then I will put her down.
14. If she seems in danger of falling asleep nursing, I will employ the "Pantley Pull-Off" (see http://www.pregnancy.org/article/when-your-baby-wakes-frequently-feed-pantley-pull)
Anyway, here's the new plan, including the plan for naps. Unless otherwise stated, previous plans still apply.
1. For this 10-day plan only I will not try to schedule naps. I will instead look for sleepy cues and try to respond IMMEDIATELY by reading her a quick story, rocking to the point of drowsiness while singing a lullaby, then putting her down. I will try to feed and potty her at least 45 minutes before she's likely to fall asleep. (Feeding her immediately upon waking up has been totally unsuccessful and I will discontinue that attempt. She's too raring to go to settle down for a feed when she's just woken up.)
2. If I miss feeding her and pottying her before she shows me sleepy signs, I will feed and potty her immediately, limiting time on the potty to a minute or two regardless of if she goes. I will then rock her and put her down without a story or song.
3. I will keep track of naptimes for the next 10 days so I have a sense of when her natural tired times are. I will use the data to create a nap schedule for the next 10-day plan. For this 10-day plan I will only try to schedule bedtime, starting her bedtime routine at 6:30 every day so she's asleep sometime between 7:30 and 8.
4. I will make Mari's room darker for naps by sewing blackout fabric onto the backs of the bamboo blinds. (I already did this for one blind, but I don't think the fabric is dark or thick enough, so I'll add another layer.)
5. I will continue to co-nap with Mari for her morning nap for now, since the morning nap seems to be key. In any case, I usually need a nap too! If she starts to stir too early, I will put a hand on her before she wakes and shush her to try to keep her asleep. If she still wakes up after less than an hour, I will do whatever I have to do to get her back to sleep, including rocking and nursing.
6. For afternoon naps, I will put Mari down in her crib and leave the room so she gets more used to napping alone. I will, however, stay upstairs. I will enter the room immediately when I hear a sound and try to get her back to sleep if it has been less than an hour or if she seems cranky. Exception: if she napped long previously, seems happy and alert and has napped at least 30 minutes, I'll leave her be. She can have one nap a day of less than an hour, assuming three naps a day.
7. I will work on putting her down after less rocking, drowsy but not yet falling asleep, so she learns to fall asleep on her own in the crib. I will stay by her side for a little while, saying "shh," but I will now not keep a hand on her stomach unless she fusses. If she fusses, I will use the hand but I won't pick her up unless she starts to truly cry, or if she fusses for more than 5 minutes at naptime and doesn't seem to be trying to put herself to sleep. At night, I will leave the room 5 minutes after I put her down, even if she's still awake. At naptime, I'll stay in the room until she's very nearly asleep -- but not quite.
8. Since her weight gain has slowed, I'm OK with feeding her once or twice a night. Ideally I will do this once before I go to bed, in hopes her longest sleep stretch comes after I go to bed. However, if she doesn't wake up, or puts herself to sleep after less than five minutes of fussing, I will not wake her up to feed her, nor will I do a dream feed.
9. For night wakings, I will continue to let her fuss alone -- NOT cry -- for the following amounts of time:
- 5 minutes if it's just after I put her down and leave the room, but she's still clearly awake and not happy about being left alone.
- 15 minutes if she has already fallen asleep once for the night but less than three hours have passed since I put her down. If I end up having to go in and comfort her, I will not feed her.
- 5 minutes if more than 3 hours has passed since I put her down for the night. If she continues to fuss for more than five minutes, I will feed her immediately upon going in.
- 15 minutes if I have already fed her once during the night and less than five hours have passed since then. If I go in, I won't feed her.
- 5 minutes if more than five hours have passed since her first night feeding. If I have to go in, I will feed her.
- 5 minutes at any time of the night if it has been less than 30 minutes since her last night waking and she was not fed at the last night waking. If this happens, I will feed her immediately upon going in.
- At any time if she starts full-on crying, I will go in immediately. However, I will only feed her according to the above guidelines.
10. I will no longer hold Mari during her naps after she has fallen asleep, even if I picked her up after a premature awakening. If she wakes up prematurely, I will soothe her and put her down, up to twice. If she wakes up a third time after being put down, she can stay up.
11. I will make sure she gets at least some active tummy time between every nap, even if it's only for five minutes before an outing.
12. I will try very hard to avoid being out when Mari has to nap. However, if it's unavoidable and she falls asleep in her car seat, I will stay in the (intermittently warmed up, if necessary) parked car with her until she wakes up or has napped for a minimum of 45 minutes. Only then will I go in the house, since going in almost always wakes her up. If she falls asleep in the carrier or stroller, I will try to keep walking around outside for the same amount of time. However, if it's too cold, I will take her inside and keep walking around quietly indoors in hopes she won't wake up.
13. In the last stages of getting Mari down to sleep (naps and at night), I will do the "Pantley Dance" -- alternating periods of rocking and shushing with holding her still and quiet in my arms. I will do both a few times each until she is sleepy but not yet asleep. Then I will put her down.
14. If she seems in danger of falling asleep nursing, I will employ the "Pantley Pull-Off" (see http://www.pregnancy.org/article/when-your-baby-wakes-frequently-feed-pantley-pull)
Monday, February 15, 2010
Day 28: Nap log day
I spent the day keeping track of Mari's naps and her daily schedule. It may not have been the best day to do it, since she didn't have a typical day for naps. But then, she doesn't really have a typical nap day, which is a big part of the problem.
She had three naps today: 9:10-10:30, 12:00-12:30 and 3:00-3:55. This totals only 2 hours, 45 minutes, when usually I like to see her nap about 3 1/2 hours. I consider between 3 and 4 hours acceptable, as does the No-Cry Nap Solution.
Because she napped so little and seemed overtired in the early evening, I put her to bed at 6:35, when usually she isn't sleeping until about 8:00. I didn't know what else to do, since she was clearly exhausted and it seemed too late for a fourth nap.
The naps themselves were full of Mari's usual bad habits -- or at least, habits I'd like to change. The first nap, she co-napped with me in our bed. I'm OK with this once in awhile but I don't like having to do it every day. Though that first nap was more than an hour, she seems to like to have two-hour naps in the morning and she was still obviously tired and cranky afterward, crying as soon as I left her alone to play for a minute.
She started showing tired signs less than an hour after waking up from her first nap, so I tried to get her down again right away. But despite her obvious fatigue, I had trouble. I tried to get her to finish the falling-asleep process on her own in the crib, after having rocked her to a very sleepy state. But she seemed wide awake the second she was in the crib and started to fuss. So I gave in and rocked her all the way to sleep. I stayed with her for the entire nap and tried to resettle her as soon as she showed signs of stirring, but she woke up anyway and I couldn't get her back down.
Despite the very short second nap, this time Mari seemed reasonably energetic and in an OK mood, so I waited until she started to seem tired to try to put her down. At first I thought it had gone well because she fell asleep quickly (actually too quickly, when she was still in my arms) and stayed asleep when I put her down. I stayed with her again to try to keep her asleep, but it backfired -- I was trying to read, a page rustled and my little light sleeper woke up. I rocked her to sleep again, held her for awhile, put her back down, and then the same thing occurred. So I ended up holding her for most of the rest of her nap. Maybe she would have napped longer if I hadn't had to go to the bathroom, but nature called, I put her down, and what do you know, she was up again.
Unfortunately all this is typical. My goals for the No-Cry Nap Solution journey:
- To not have to stay with her during her naps
- To get her to fall asleep on her own, in her crib
- To get her to nap longer
- To stop holding her during her naps
- To try to get her to nap at predictable times of day
- If she wakes up before I think she should, not to have to nurse her back to sleep as I often do
- To stop rocking her all the way to sleep
Today's nighttime sleep, since we're still very much on the No-Cry Sleep Solution: Last night Mari had a good 11-hour sleep. She cried out a couple of times but not long enough or loudly enough that I had to go to her; she apparently put herself back to sleep very quickly. However, I fear tonight isn't going to be as good. She has already woken up once (at about 9 PM) and sounded upset enough I went to her nearly right away and nursed her, though it hadn't yet been anywhere near five hours since I put her down. Her daytime sleep was more disrupted than usual so I guess I can expect the same at night. Sigh.
She had three naps today: 9:10-10:30, 12:00-12:30 and 3:00-3:55. This totals only 2 hours, 45 minutes, when usually I like to see her nap about 3 1/2 hours. I consider between 3 and 4 hours acceptable, as does the No-Cry Nap Solution.
Because she napped so little and seemed overtired in the early evening, I put her to bed at 6:35, when usually she isn't sleeping until about 8:00. I didn't know what else to do, since she was clearly exhausted and it seemed too late for a fourth nap.
The naps themselves were full of Mari's usual bad habits -- or at least, habits I'd like to change. The first nap, she co-napped with me in our bed. I'm OK with this once in awhile but I don't like having to do it every day. Though that first nap was more than an hour, she seems to like to have two-hour naps in the morning and she was still obviously tired and cranky afterward, crying as soon as I left her alone to play for a minute.
She started showing tired signs less than an hour after waking up from her first nap, so I tried to get her down again right away. But despite her obvious fatigue, I had trouble. I tried to get her to finish the falling-asleep process on her own in the crib, after having rocked her to a very sleepy state. But she seemed wide awake the second she was in the crib and started to fuss. So I gave in and rocked her all the way to sleep. I stayed with her for the entire nap and tried to resettle her as soon as she showed signs of stirring, but she woke up anyway and I couldn't get her back down.
Despite the very short second nap, this time Mari seemed reasonably energetic and in an OK mood, so I waited until she started to seem tired to try to put her down. At first I thought it had gone well because she fell asleep quickly (actually too quickly, when she was still in my arms) and stayed asleep when I put her down. I stayed with her again to try to keep her asleep, but it backfired -- I was trying to read, a page rustled and my little light sleeper woke up. I rocked her to sleep again, held her for awhile, put her back down, and then the same thing occurred. So I ended up holding her for most of the rest of her nap. Maybe she would have napped longer if I hadn't had to go to the bathroom, but nature called, I put her down, and what do you know, she was up again.
Unfortunately all this is typical. My goals for the No-Cry Nap Solution journey:
- To not have to stay with her during her naps
- To get her to fall asleep on her own, in her crib
- To get her to nap longer
- To stop holding her during her naps
- To try to get her to nap at predictable times of day
- If she wakes up before I think she should, not to have to nurse her back to sleep as I often do
- To stop rocking her all the way to sleep
Today's nighttime sleep, since we're still very much on the No-Cry Sleep Solution: Last night Mari had a good 11-hour sleep. She cried out a couple of times but not long enough or loudly enough that I had to go to her; she apparently put herself back to sleep very quickly. However, I fear tonight isn't going to be as good. She has already woken up once (at about 9 PM) and sounded upset enough I went to her nearly right away and nursed her, though it hadn't yet been anywhere near five hours since I put her down. Her daytime sleep was more disrupted than usual so I guess I can expect the same at night. Sigh.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Day 25: Nighttime sleep success, naptime sleep failure
I think I can tentatively say MARI HAS STARTED SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT! I'm so happy!
Last night Mari slept for 11 hours, from about 8 p.m. to 7 a.m., without a single peep. In her crib, in her room. Without sleeping on her tummy. Without a dream feed. And she woke up happy and well-rested, not obviously starving, though with a good appetite once I did feed her. I'm so conditioned to waking up at night that I woke up at about 3:30 a.m., boobs sore and swollen, but even so, I had the best night's sleep I've had since before Mari was born.
The three nights prior too, she technically slept through the night, if one defines "through the night" as five hours. I don't know yet what tonight will hold, but as I write this it's nearly midnight and Mari has yet to utter a peep, so I'm optimistic.
What's more, she has put herself to sleep without me in the room for the last three nights running. I've still been doing her bedtime routine and getting her good and sleepy, but then I've put her in the crib, stayed with her for another couple of minutes, kissed her goodnight and left. Tonight she "talked" a little after I left, but only for a minute or two. Then, blessed silence.
I know not to count on a good night every night, and I know there may be further sleep regressions ahead, but I think both of us have finally learned she is capable of putting herself to sleep and back to sleep, and staying asleep all night or at least most of the night. It feels like a miracle.
Now, if only her napping habits would improve. Today was actually a particularly bad day for naps. She only had a 45-minute nap in the morning and a 30-minute nap in the early afternoon. Her late-afternoon nap totaled two hours but she woke up in the middle and the only way I could get her back down was to nurse her back to sleep, which I really don't like doing. What's more, I or Jon had to stay with her for all her naps, as we've been doing pretty much all her life with rare exceptions, and even so we weren't always able to keep her asleep or get her back to sleep.
It's not that Mari doesn't need to nap as much anymore, because she was obviously overtired and cranky most of the day today, going from laughter to tears like a bipolar mosquito on a roller coaster. Maybe tonight's sleep was saved by her last, lengthier nap, but the day was hard on me because she spent a lot of time screaming shrilly.
I've now read over the No-Cry Nap Solution and will log the day tomorrow and try to create a plan. I must say, I've already started trying to use Elizabeth Pantley's two main suggestions to get a short napper to nap longer and they haven't been working. But maybe things will improve when I've put together an integrated plan to improve her napping.
Last night Mari slept for 11 hours, from about 8 p.m. to 7 a.m., without a single peep. In her crib, in her room. Without sleeping on her tummy. Without a dream feed. And she woke up happy and well-rested, not obviously starving, though with a good appetite once I did feed her. I'm so conditioned to waking up at night that I woke up at about 3:30 a.m., boobs sore and swollen, but even so, I had the best night's sleep I've had since before Mari was born.
The three nights prior too, she technically slept through the night, if one defines "through the night" as five hours. I don't know yet what tonight will hold, but as I write this it's nearly midnight and Mari has yet to utter a peep, so I'm optimistic.
What's more, she has put herself to sleep without me in the room for the last three nights running. I've still been doing her bedtime routine and getting her good and sleepy, but then I've put her in the crib, stayed with her for another couple of minutes, kissed her goodnight and left. Tonight she "talked" a little after I left, but only for a minute or two. Then, blessed silence.
I know not to count on a good night every night, and I know there may be further sleep regressions ahead, but I think both of us have finally learned she is capable of putting herself to sleep and back to sleep, and staying asleep all night or at least most of the night. It feels like a miracle.
Now, if only her napping habits would improve. Today was actually a particularly bad day for naps. She only had a 45-minute nap in the morning and a 30-minute nap in the early afternoon. Her late-afternoon nap totaled two hours but she woke up in the middle and the only way I could get her back down was to nurse her back to sleep, which I really don't like doing. What's more, I or Jon had to stay with her for all her naps, as we've been doing pretty much all her life with rare exceptions, and even so we weren't always able to keep her asleep or get her back to sleep.
It's not that Mari doesn't need to nap as much anymore, because she was obviously overtired and cranky most of the day today, going from laughter to tears like a bipolar mosquito on a roller coaster. Maybe tonight's sleep was saved by her last, lengthier nap, but the day was hard on me because she spent a lot of time screaming shrilly.
I've now read over the No-Cry Nap Solution and will log the day tomorrow and try to create a plan. I must say, I've already started trying to use Elizabeth Pantley's two main suggestions to get a short napper to nap longer and they haven't been working. But maybe things will improve when I've put together an integrated plan to improve her napping.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Day 22: The new 10-day plan
Once again I haven't managed to formally set down the plan until today, but I've been more or less implementing the points below for the last couple of days.
The last plan stays in place, with the following changes:
1. I will start the naptime routine 45 minutes, not 30 minutes, before I want Mari to sleep. While in some ways this is a step backwards, since the ideal would be a shorter naptime routine, the fact is that Mari often takes a long time to fall asleep, and if I'm to have a hope of keeping her on schedule, I need more time. If, however, Mari shows signs of tiredness before I start the naptime routine, I will skip the story and song -- I will just feed her (if she hasn't eaten recently), take her to the potty and put her to bed.
2. If she doesn't use the potty within a minute or two during bedtime and naptime routines, I'll just diaper her and get on with it -- no more 15-minute potty trips that include a lot of getting her on and off the potty, no matter how convinced I am that she really should need to go.
3. I will try harder to get her to fall asleep without being rocked to sleep. I will rock her until she's calm and is putting her head down on my chest but before she has started to close her eyes, I'll put her down and pat her, give her her lovey, verbally soothe her and stay by her side but I won't pick her up until she has been in her crib 20 minutes without falling asleep OR until her fussing turns into full-on crying. If she hasn't fallen asleep after 20 minutes, or if she starts to cry, I will do what I was doing in the previous 10-day plan (i.e. pick up and rock until nearly asleep).
4. In part to adjust for the above, I will try again to move the beginning of the bedtime routine to 6:30, with the goal of having her asleep by 7:30. Too often lately I have had to skip the bath because she was already getting fussy.
5. I will read the No-Cry Nap Solution (which I just got today) and make a plan to try to improve Mari's napping habits, since she currently wakes up very quickly and has to be held if I'm going to get her back to sleep, often for the rest of the nap.
6. I will try harder to stick to the schedule.
7. I will continue to keep track of her nap lengths and night wakings, and I will also start keeping track of how long she's up between naps, in hopes of establishing optimal times once I have a bit more data.
8. I will eliminate the before-I-go-to-bed dream feed, because I don't want to interfere with her sleep cycles, even if it means I have to get up sooner to feed her. I will avoid feeding her until five hours have passed after she went to bed. After the five-hour no-feeding stretch, I will feed her up to every three hours if she won't fall back asleep without nursing.
9. I will now let Mari fuss for up to 10 minutes before I go in, not five minutes. This is for fussy noises only. If at any point she starts to full-on cry, I will go in immediately.
Today: Another day of unpredictability, coupled with a little culpability. Mari's morning nap was unusually long at 2.5 hours. I then took her to the library but didn't leave as soon as she got up because I thought she'd be hungry and didn't want her to start screaming while we were walking. So we ended up being out longer than we should have and she fell asleep in her carrier on the way home. I was going to let her continue to sleep in her carrier, but she woke up as soon as we got home, maybe due to the change in temperature or because I wasn't walking anymore. So that nap only lasted 20 minutes. She woke up twice during her early-evening nap and ended up having to be held until she'd slept for an hour. Then she got cranky again very quickly so I had to skip the bath and massage and get her straight to sleep.
The last plan stays in place, with the following changes:
1. I will start the naptime routine 45 minutes, not 30 minutes, before I want Mari to sleep. While in some ways this is a step backwards, since the ideal would be a shorter naptime routine, the fact is that Mari often takes a long time to fall asleep, and if I'm to have a hope of keeping her on schedule, I need more time. If, however, Mari shows signs of tiredness before I start the naptime routine, I will skip the story and song -- I will just feed her (if she hasn't eaten recently), take her to the potty and put her to bed.
2. If she doesn't use the potty within a minute or two during bedtime and naptime routines, I'll just diaper her and get on with it -- no more 15-minute potty trips that include a lot of getting her on and off the potty, no matter how convinced I am that she really should need to go.
3. I will try harder to get her to fall asleep without being rocked to sleep. I will rock her until she's calm and is putting her head down on my chest but before she has started to close her eyes, I'll put her down and pat her, give her her lovey, verbally soothe her and stay by her side but I won't pick her up until she has been in her crib 20 minutes without falling asleep OR until her fussing turns into full-on crying. If she hasn't fallen asleep after 20 minutes, or if she starts to cry, I will do what I was doing in the previous 10-day plan (i.e. pick up and rock until nearly asleep).
4. In part to adjust for the above, I will try again to move the beginning of the bedtime routine to 6:30, with the goal of having her asleep by 7:30. Too often lately I have had to skip the bath because she was already getting fussy.
5. I will read the No-Cry Nap Solution (which I just got today) and make a plan to try to improve Mari's napping habits, since she currently wakes up very quickly and has to be held if I'm going to get her back to sleep, often for the rest of the nap.
6. I will try harder to stick to the schedule.
7. I will continue to keep track of her nap lengths and night wakings, and I will also start keeping track of how long she's up between naps, in hopes of establishing optimal times once I have a bit more data.
8. I will eliminate the before-I-go-to-bed dream feed, because I don't want to interfere with her sleep cycles, even if it means I have to get up sooner to feed her. I will avoid feeding her until five hours have passed after she went to bed. After the five-hour no-feeding stretch, I will feed her up to every three hours if she won't fall back asleep without nursing.
9. I will now let Mari fuss for up to 10 minutes before I go in, not five minutes. This is for fussy noises only. If at any point she starts to full-on cry, I will go in immediately.
Today: Another day of unpredictability, coupled with a little culpability. Mari's morning nap was unusually long at 2.5 hours. I then took her to the library but didn't leave as soon as she got up because I thought she'd be hungry and didn't want her to start screaming while we were walking. So we ended up being out longer than we should have and she fell asleep in her carrier on the way home. I was going to let her continue to sleep in her carrier, but she woke up as soon as we got home, maybe due to the change in temperature or because I wasn't walking anymore. So that nap only lasted 20 minutes. She woke up twice during her early-evening nap and ended up having to be held until she'd slept for an hour. Then she got cranky again very quickly so I had to skip the bath and massage and get her straight to sleep.
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